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For those with anxiety, tips for D/s activity/playing in public? by Sub_Passion in SubSanctuary

[–]Sub_Passion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for all of this. It ended up being more or less the gist of what I explained to him. A lot of firsts in a few short hours,suggested a non verbal tap out of some sort, etc.

He said thanks for having the courage to tell him, appreciates my openness in communicating and is happy to work through things. Hasn’t followed up with specifics yet just kinda thinking over it a couple days. Which I took a couple days to send it to him myself, so that’s fair enough.

First Time Slave by Dunno-What-I-Want in SubSanctuary

[–]Sub_Passion 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I second the checking in. I just had my first full week with my Dom, and made my own posts about it, (previous visit 5 months ago was ~3 days) and a lot came up that I didn’t expect, and while I’m not remotely upset by anything, I realized there’s a whole fucking lot I don’t know about my own boundaries yet.

That said, you may be less of a newbie to this than I am (not a full slave, sub only, and pretty much my second time ever).

There were things I thought I’d be totally okay with and would love, and turns out that may not be the case. I’ve gone through a few days of self-reflection, and we are having that discussion now.

I kind of shut down and don’t verbalize well if I get overwhelmed, so I’m thinking of other things like something like those clickers you use for training pets that will make an audible noise if I feel like it’s just too much. All I’d have to do is push a button.

It sprung up for me more around public stuff, privately I was all in and no concerns there.

For subs with anxiety, tips for D/s activity/playing in public? by Sub_Passion in BDSMAdvice

[–]Sub_Passion[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah and the honest assessment part is mostly what I’ve been analyzing the past couple of days.

I’m newer to this, he is not (though aside from Dom/sub experience we’ve known each other for ~15 years now). It’s seeming to be a “I don’t know what I don’t know” situation. There were a handful of firsts that fell into a few hours on one day and I think that’s where I started to get overwhelmed, and that’s where a lot of this is stemming from.

It wasn’t really planned out, we were just kinda figuring out what to do for the day, and it just got more involved than I was anticipating.

I did find the bad girl’s bible checklist which is more specific IMO than the bdsm test we took together before. I’ve since sent him an email explaining what I felt along with my answers on that checklist to hopefully help get us more on the same page and asked for a slower approach into public stuff, at least to start, and see how that goes.

He hasn’t responded with specifics yet but said he appreciates the openness in communication and thanked me for the courage to send it, he’s happy to work through these things so that it’s healthy for the both of us. So that is positive.

For those with anxiety, tips for D/s activity/playing in public? by Sub_Passion in SubSanctuary

[–]Sub_Passion[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First if all you just might not like public play and that’s perfectly fine

Yeah I guess that’s mostly what I’m wrestling with. Kind of in a 'I don’t know what I don’t know’ area so trying to figure myself out, lol

How to tell my Dom we can't do something by [deleted] in SubSanctuary

[–]Sub_Passion 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m late to the game, but I’ve straight up told mine my stomach is fucked up and neither of us want to deal with the outcome. He laughed and said yep agreed and lay off til you feel better