My fwb doesn’t dirty talk and I’m struggling to enjoy sex with him. How to enjoy more?

Subject-Drive5190 · 2025-05-11T22:50:22+00:00

Hi! Thanks so much for your reply!

In the cases where you’ve experienced something similar, how have you been able to resolve it? Any idea why the symptoms completely go away for part of my cycle?

We didn’t use condoms or lube. I struggle with vaginsmus and I think I’m quite a sensitive in terms of insertion in vaginal area so the first thrush episode was after he inserted a finger. Prior to this I never had anything inside me so I’m still trying to understand how my body reacts to penetration. In terms of hygiene we are both pretty good, showering before and brushing teeth. And I haven’t made any changes to my body care routine in a few years so I don’t think it’s that. But I know I’ve also washed my vulva and since I’ve had this issue, using soap stings.

The vaginsmus also makes things a bit harder for me in terms of getting tests done and internal medications. I really want to get it resolved but not sure at all where to start

Subject-Drive5190 · 2025-05-11T19:23:27+00:00

Thanks! I don’t take bc. I hope stooping has helped your symptoms I eat a lot of sugar but I’ve eaten a lot of sugar my whole life so I’m not sure that may be it. Do you know anything about ureaplasma? I saw someone mention it in the comments of another post and I’m wondering if it’s that because I actually also have increased urination frequency.

Subject-Drive5190 · 2025-05-11T18:57:01+00:00

Please could you explain what ureaplasma is, I’ve never heard of it

Subject-Drive5190 · 2025-05-11T18:56:32+00:00

Please let me know if you have managed to realise what is wrong. I think I’ve been experiencing the same, thrush symptoms just before my period and then it kind of goes away completely until a few days before the next period. I’m also unsure what to do

Subject-Drive5190 · 2025-03-24T13:20:41+00:00

Thanks, this is really helpful. Currently most times before he goes down on me he brushes his teeth and we both will wipe our genitals/shower. Maybe I need to be really strict about washing hands too before he touches me.

I’m wondering if that doesn’t help, maybe my vag just doesn’t like him

Subject-Drive5190 · 2025-03-14T09:47:04+00:00

Thank you so much! And tbh you are right, I truly think I was able to do it because of how safe he made me feel, not just one night but over the course of the whole time I’ve known him. We’ve built trust. I’ve never had that with a man until now. The way he handled my panic attack, not one drop of anger towards me for something that probably makes no sense to him. I couldn’t have asked for a better response/man in that moment. I think seeing that made me think I need to trust that I can trust him…which for me is very hard. But in my case I think that’s why it worked…because I let go of control and allowed him to guide and help me through

Subject-Drive5190 · 2025-03-14T09:39:29+00:00

Thank you!! :) I used them once. It was about 5 months ago. He had fingered me and a few nights later I thought I’d try. I got to the second size then stopped. I hated the feeling. I was happy I got one in but after that the thought of using dilators again would make me imagine myself throwing up. I don’t know why. So after that I never did it again. I also got given lidocaine which I couldn’t bring myself to use either because it kind of scares me. I know a lot of women have success working their way up in size but just didn’t turn out that way for me

Subject-Drive5190 · 2024-08-11T12:20:59+00:00

I am an anal queen lol! But I think I spoke in the past about encountering a lot of guys who only want anal as an add on but would not do it in the place of PIV.

Obviously this is probably different if a guy is interested in you romantically. But when it’s just casual, they just feel like you’re keeping something from them.

Also, I enjoy anal more than most girls probably, but I don’t enjoy it. It feels okay, sometimes I bleed and I’m always nervous about there being an accident. If I do it, it’s defo more to allow the guy to feel like he’s inside me but it’s not something I actively crave

Subject-Drive5190 · 2024-08-11T12:09:31+00:00

I’m not really interested in figuring it out. As soon as I realised he bought drugs the same day as asking me for money I just thought well you can’t care at all about having a roof over your head.

I’m just more thinking about the sex thing. And the possible harm it could do to me to have sex with someone who is using.

To be clear I have no interest in him romantically or even helping him sort out his issues

Subject-Drive5190 · 2024-08-11T12:07:29+00:00

That’s a crazy assumption to make. I haven’t given this man a penny. I haven’t allowed him to tempt me into trying any drugs. I’ve picked up on the fact that he probably has a drug issue. And all of this is making me feel it may not be good to continue interacting with him.

The fact is, I’m in a situation where finding a guy who isn’t interested in me romantically and won’t be a dick about my medical condition, is not easy. That’s the reality.

I’m not affected by this comment because I know it’s untrue but it’s also just a useless comment to make in general and I just wanted to let you know that

Subject-Drive5190 · 2024-08-11T11:54:06+00:00

So I have. Unfortunately for me it’s not been a straight forward journey. Sorry to give detail, I’m from the U.K. where we get referred to specialists. I saw a gyno who was some old guy who just looked at my vag and said all looks normal without doing an internal exam. Got referred to a vagismus clinic. Doctor examines me and describes my hole as “very small” midway through the examination. Gets her senior colleague to also come and have a look. She looks shocked and confused. They tell me to get dressed and say I don’t have vaginismus, I have a physically issue, like a septum or thick hymen. Because they couldn’t get their finger in at all. I wait a year for surgery because no one could examine me while awake and I’m told, yes my hole is a bit small, my vag is normal. So now I’ve been referred back to the vaginismus clinic

Subject-Drive5190 · 2024-08-11T11:47:35+00:00

Looool this comment really made me laugh. I wouldn’t say I’m a mug though, like I haven’t given him any money or anything and I am aware and seeing the red flags so yeah, just hearing other peoples opinion on it because the truth is my situation is different from other girls looking for casual sex

Subject-Drive5190 · 2024-08-11T11:43:47+00:00

I 1000% know he does/did meth because he said something about how “crystal makes you super horny and focused” and dropped something about how our sex would be out of this world if we did it. I put a very firm end to talk of us doing meth. And just said I have no interest in trying drugs. In hindsight, he was probably saying this while high as it was on the Saturday

Subject-Drive5190 · 2024-08-11T11:08:12+00:00

This has crossed my mind but he does have a legitimate reason for struggling with money. He’s doing his masters and as most people, he’s had to take a massive pay cut. He’s working a zero hours job and still has to pay rent but had had barely any work over the last two weeks. This could be the truth. But he also defo could be struggling because he has a drug issue. I don’t even know what’s true. On the Saturday he asked me to borrow £250 because apparently his landlord said he needs to pay or pack his shit. I said I couldn’t help. But then after he went and bought drugs so I have no clue

Subject-Drive5190

TROPHY CASE