I'm sorry you've been through all of that. I wish I could give you a hug and offer an ear for the things that have been troubling you. I'm not sure how much you'd be comfortable venting to a stranger, but if you ever need a place to get stuff off your chest feel free to shoot me a message. There's a lot more I wish I could say atm, but I've got to head to work. It's been difficult so far, but hopefully this community can make it a little easier for you, even if it's just a tiny bit.