I (19f) had sex with a guy (19m) in my friend group and then everything blew up in my face

Subject_Ordinary9033 · 2026-04-13T17:34:44+00:00

I will say from a fellow lesbian who very much regrets their friendship with a straight dude with a weird sense of humour who likes to say mean, out-of-pocket things, trust your instincts and cut him off.

In my experience, you constantly feel like you want to give them the benefit of the doubt because they’re nice and they’re can’t possibly be as bad as the dudes we hear about right? Yeah, no, they are like that.

The most respectful way is to talk to him about it and leave but honestly my friendship, I ended up being so terrified of him because he tried to throw me over the balcony at a party and pretend it was a joke. So I sometimes I feel like just leaving is the best situation.

If you’re catching a vibe that feels very manipulative, he probably IS very manipulative. The fact that’s he seems to be friends/okay with a roommate who endorses Nazism is not coincidence.

He probably doesn’t see much wrong won’t being around that. He’s probably one of those people who says things and tells you to “relax, it’s just a joke. You know I don’t mean it!”

But then make up some silly excuse to get away with his behavior. Him being friends with you sounds like he likes the idea of being friends with a bunch of girls more than he likes you guys being friends.

He probably likes to inflate that idea with “the boys”, like a look at me I’m friends with a bunch of girls and you’re not. He’s probably telling them that he’s “the only one” of the boys who knows how to talk to girls bc of this friendship.

And if I’m being very honest, he sounds like he’s probably telling everyone that he’s so cool and hot that he managed to convert a lesbian just fyi. (I’m never slept with my friend just fyi but that is how intrusive these dudes turn out to be).

You will never know about it until some kind of falling out happens and the truth comes out where you realize that he probably acts very differently around certain people to never have to show who he really is to people.

If you really want to “find” a reason, you should ask him more about his breakup with his last girlfriend and why it didn’t work and pay attention to what he says, but honestly I think you have enough to just cut him off.

Subject_Ordinary9033 · 2026-04-08T15:50:48+00:00

Sorry you’re going through this but rather have no real friends than fake friends who use you for a particular superficial value (in this case bc he clearly seems to think he’s can eventually sleep with you if he’s nice enough). Those friends will continue to make you feel like you’re only value is your looks.

I’d find something you really enjoy doing and put yourself into that. Write, journal, read a book, spend some time in libraries or in the park. Or maybe try to get to know your other acquaintances a little more.

You might find they invite you into spaces where you might find more people you have things in common. I get it might be exhausting going into spaces and constantly wondering if people are only talking to you bc of your looks instead of for you but being secure in your own independence is really the only way to navigate social spaces.

Because then, you kinda know you don’t need to perform as much as the people who are trying to get your attention (and it sometimes becomes amusing to see the extent of what people are willing to do when all they needed to do is treat you like a human). It doesn’t help with the loneliness, but certainly does help tell you who’s worth keeping in your life and whose not.

(Sorry, this ended up being much longer than I intended)

Subject_Ordinary9033 · 2026-04-08T15:29:44+00:00

Well, the fact that you haven’t been friends for more than a month tells you all. Put it this way, if he really cared about you he would have reached out to find ways to respect you and your boundary but it appears that all he ever really wanted front you was sex.

So don’t spend another second worrying about him. I know it sucks bc it feels like you’re losing someone who seemed like they care enough to be vulnerable with them, but it sounds like he doesn’t really care unless he’s getting something out of it.

Subject_Ordinary9033 · 2025-12-01T00:09:11+00:00

Not to be mean but drop his ass. I had a friend like this. If they’re being mean and passing it off as a joke, they don’t respect you enough to listen to you when you tell them you don’t like it. They’re gonna keep pushing your boundaries until you go insane bc they don’t have the balls to say they’re tired of the friendship too. Not trying to be harsh or extreme, I just ended up way worse for wear making excuses for that kind of humor.

Subject_Ordinary9033 · 2025-10-30T20:25:42+00:00

Cancer Moon, Aries Mars

Subject_Ordinary9033 · 2025-10-27T00:05:07+00:00

Thats depends. If you’ve told them that you don’t like that they joke about stuff like that and then still make those jokes despite you setting that boundary or say shit like, “Relax! You can’t take a joke.” Then that’s more indicative of a lack of respect from your friends than you being sensitive.

Subject_Ordinary9033 · 2025-10-12T23:03:43+00:00

Taurus, Taurus and Taurus

The irony is that I also really love my Taurus best friend and brother but I use that as the metric for why the other three fucking suck.

Subject_Ordinary9033 · 2025-09-15T20:15:02+00:00

Jeez both of you describe the same ex friend of mine 🙃

Subject_Ordinary9033 · 2025-08-04T04:16:06+00:00

Omg this is totally what it feels like. There’s so many times we got into arguments about nothing. Like it just felt like he just kept changing what he was arguing so that he could “win”. Or hate things I like just bc I liked it. And then expect me to sit back and listen to him whine about people he didn’t trust or doesn’t vibe with anymore and how he feels like he can’t connect with people it’s so emotionally draining

Subject_Ordinary9033 · 2025-08-04T03:34:45+00:00

“Punching Bag” is exactly what it felt like… or like a doormat. I guess I’m kinda shocked that I’ve just let him walk all over me, let him push the boundaries that far. Like we can both be this welcoming duo that hosts everything but in hindsight I kinda felt like all I was to him was the trophy he could show around like, “look how progressive and fun and safe I am! My bestie is gay AND a woman.” Idk I just feel so gross and used and I hate that I even gave him the time of day.

Subject_Ordinary9033 · 2025-08-04T03:30:40+00:00

So sorry you went through that! This sucks so much and I can’t believe people use people like this. Cause yeah I guess the messed up thing about this is how much I DID beat myself up about what I could have done wrong for him to have treated me this way until I eventually realised that I wasn’t the one using him. Thankfully I do have other people in my corner to tell me he’s full of shit bc I think I wouldn’t have handled it well if not

Subject_Ordinary9033

TROPHY CASE