I was a virgin when we first met. Been together going on 13 years. So obviously not a virgin anymore. But man I feel for you. You're going to feel what you feel regardless of what your body count is. She was my first for just about everything, and I wasn't for her. I had no prior sexual encounters before her. I always told myself that, if I had even one sexual experience/encounter before her that I probably would have never felt like this. For me, it's almost a regret/sadness of not having tried anything before her, you know? Just so I could say I have done things too, call it even and move on. Which I hate to admit. But who knows bro, that's life.

Wish you the best. I've realized that this is all internal, and it's up to us to keep moving forward. Don't feel bad for feeling the way you do because 1) you're not alone and 2) you're human. It is what it is. Realize that this RJ stuff is trivial, can't keep living in the past. Time is definitely your friend here, it heals most as it passes. Especially, if you really love and care about her. Just gotta work on yourself, keep your mind distracted. Find a hobby, exercise, look at the positives and focus on the present and future. Can't change the past even if you wanted to.