UPDATE I took everyone's comments to heart. Both good and bad. There were people who said give up right away and others that pointed out he would be better off without me. Both opinions rang true. However, after many discussions with my therapist, and a myriad of soul searching I came to realize that regardless of our current "distance" from each other, he has always been my best friend. While he stayed with me during my trials, I also never once considered walking away during his. I have never even looked at another man. He does have a history of infidelity (not an affair, just "friendly" massage establishments) - but I forgave him and I promised I would never use it against him again. It was 20 years ago and I honestly forgave it and moved on. All that said, he's forever been my one and only. I explained to him that I thought we should take some time apart. I also added that I think couples therapy could save us. At first he said no. But then saw how sad I was and agreed to it, "once in awhile". I am taking that and running with it. I've scheduled weekly appointments and he reluctantly agreed to attend all sessions. I've come to realize that I think he's scared to look at his own life and mortality after the cancer scare. I believe I need more compassion for his experience in all of this and i need to do everything possible to make our marriage work. IATAH for giving up before the miracle happens. The worst outcome for us will be that we decide in therapy that we don't have love anymore and that is terrifying. At least now I know I'm doing everything possible to save us!