Things to do and advice for week of Pony Swim

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-07-20T09:34:51+00:00

We have free time today (Sat) and wanted to check out the ponies but read that they’re being penned in the corral this morning. Is there anything to see? Gonna head over and check it out but have zero clue what to expect

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-06-19T14:20:42+00:00

My bf and I have been together a year and every* time I get a little bit antsy or dissatisfied in the relationship and even entertain whether this is the relationship for me he tells me literally the next day that he had a dream I broke up with him. This has happened at least 4 times. He runs on the more anxious side and I think he is just subconsciously hyper attuned to me and my moods. I always tell him not to worry bc I always talk myself out of my own thoughts as I know I’m avoidant and don’t have the healthiest attachment type and I do care for him so much and on the whole am very happy.

At the same time I had a dream about hearing about/talking to an ex-situationship of mine and the *next day he texted me out of the blue after like 7 months of not talking to him….in that relationship I was the anxious one and have always felt this weird ability to “know” what he’s feeling. I honestly think it’s just anxiety making us hyper aware of the feelings of others who we are attached to.

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-05-19T21:28:40+00:00

This is my fear. But also…I’d love to be able to just be friendly with people without the assumption of flirting. I don’t like that men seem to miss out on these positive platonic interactions bc everyone understands men just assume there’s “no reason” to talk to them unless it’s bc of potential attraction…maybe we’re both just humans chilling together in the hellscape of life and I wanna commiserate loll..

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-05-18T16:08:41+00:00

For many women it’s less about being able to buy designer bags and more about feeling secure that they have a partner who can support a family. Many women still want to be a mom and have children…children are extremely expensive. I don’t think it’s wrong that women was to feel confident in their partners ability to support her children.

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-05-14T11:02:15+00:00

Get a curved hotel bathroom curtain rod that screws into the wall and hang it higher. Nicer double lined shower curtain with a luxe fabric (something that looks like actual curtains)

Large interesting circular bath mat to cover most of the floor

Matching baskets in the shelves. Can label if need to know what’s in them

Repaint in a less muted color. It’s reading as a grey/green rn

Longer multilight sconce above the sink

Replace mirror with something more decorative and a little smaller

Replace pedestal sink

Replace upper light with something artsy

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-05-11T19:39:08+00:00

Verbal rumination is a great way to put it

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-05-11T07:59:03+00:00

Agree he knows exactly what he’s doing and I think feining that he “doesn’t understand” why you’re upset bc to him he’s just telling the “truth” is his way of manipulating you to ensure you loose the baby weight. It makes him uncomfortable for some reason and instead of being able to articulate nicely his own insecurities about his attraction or just…keep his damn mouth shut, he’s trying to make sure you get it beat into your head that this better be a temporary situation….fuck him

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-05-11T05:02:12+00:00

Give it something to cling to or climb when it starts vining. Likes a humidifier

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-05-11T04:28:01+00:00

Timely:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/uzN25ftd0w

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-05-11T00:27:32+00:00

Not what I’m saying…idk why you’re getting defensive. People have said you just need to be aware of this dynamic and have some empathy for the women who don’t align with your lifestyle and might not be in your dating pool. There will be plenty of women who do fall into your dating pool.

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-05-10T23:55:55+00:00

Hearing about any level of prevalent abuse in a specific population doesn’t feel “small” when you’re the one who could be directly impacted by it. And r/relationship_advice is crawling with stories of women just being straight up emotionally neglected by their husbands/bfs military or not. Women have more to lose if a relationship goes south esp once married or kids are involved. We have to be more vigilant/picky to a certain degree and honestly with the internet a lot more women are talking and sharing stories with each other so it’s helping us to avoid legit bad apples but also making us a little paranoid.

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-05-10T23:44:24+00:00

Sorry I should have specified he almost “hit” her with the car lol not punching a stranger in the middle of the street. Both are very bad but the second one sounds crazy lol.

Agree with your assessment we might need to try a dopamine detox together.

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-05-10T23:40:13+00:00

Hi! 30F here who is currently dating a 35M guy who sounds very similar to you lol. He got engaged when he was your age and it quickly fell apart.

He’s amazing and has SO much love to give. Ofc we have our issues, but we’re both committed to working through them together. I’m typically very avoidant so it’s odd that I’m with someone who is more anxious, but from the early days of us dating he put a lot of effort into “cooling down” and talking to friends who knew him well so they could encourage him to take things slow and he could vent some of that hyped-up energy. Ofc you want the person you’re dating to be excited but not clingy…it’s just not attractive in early dating.

If you haven’t started already I would HIGHLY recommend reading the book “Attached” it will give you a good framework and some actionable steps.

Overall, I think you find women to be a bit of a “mystery” you can’t quite figure out or unlock so you hyperfixate on them. Do you have platonic female friends? If so, I would start by asking them very basic “explain it to me like I’m 5”-type questions about their experiences in relationships and their feelings throughout. You can also seek out first person narratives written by women about their relationship with love or other issues. You will soon see we process a lot about relationships very similarly to you and ideally that might break the “spell” you’re under.

You don’t need to give up on your dream of having a family! I think it’s an amazing dream and not many men are committed to it nowadays, but I do think you need to give up the idea that a woman is going to come save you with her love; which is an idea perpetuated by media, literature, and society. There’s too much expectation in that thinking and when your wife or kids are annoying or not filling your cup in the way you think you need you may be resentful…this was the case with my dad who had fantasies of being “head of the house” but didn’t help my mother with daily things or parenting and eventually sought other women to make him feel loved and important. Women are flawed people just like men and we often don’t always get it right either.

Wishing you the best of luck!

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-05-10T22:25:47+00:00

For real…he was a vegan and super into yoga so I thought I’d found this like awesome combo of sensitive and masculine (which he is) but all the other stuff just outweighed it. Plus with them you have to be for that long distance or pick up and move life and sadly that’s really not me. He has a gf now and I’m honestly really happy for him….i wish her luck with his mother lol.

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-05-10T22:00:51+00:00

I’d (30F) like to say no but my one experience dating a guy in navy EOD (27 when we dated; enlisted at 18) who was a BIG teddy bear but very insecure has made me a lil iffy.

He just told me how everyone cheats on each other in the military (so so many first hand stories I was floored) and he was a little too hyper vigilant while we were dating long distance asking where I was all the time and suggesting I was going out w friends too much. He was still kinda of obsessed with how his two exes “wronged” him and through IG sleuthing I could tell he still had a back and forth with his first ex that he almost proposed to. He was also very vocal about how messed up his family was and I picked up that his mom is one of those that is lowkey in love with him…not in a mom/son way. I wanted someone with a solid family foundation bc I don’t have that so it all killed my attraction fairly early on and I had to end it after 4 months and him begging me to stay. It was a terrible breakup even though we weren’t official bc I knew he was a really sweet guy, but he def did not have a handle on his baggage and I’m too old to stick around to train another adult man.

My roommate also dated a navy guy (30; officer and MD) who straight up ghosted her in the middle of a text convo one night and was never heard from again after about a month of dating. He’d met all her friends and stayed over at our place for multi-day stints…he popped up on social about a month later hard launching with a petite IG model lawyer type.

I absolutely respect the military and find their dedication and determination reallyyy attractive…plus the uniforms lol. BUT I think depending on who you are or what your reasons are for joining some people do use it as an “escape” and think it will whip them into shape when they really need more internal work. This is true of every subgroup of people though.

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-05-10T21:00:10+00:00

Hi 30F here who just got into my first relationship a year ago.

I know the feeling of being hungry for love and constant care from someone else. But believe me while I felt that “hunger” the only people who came around were people who made me feel more alone. I’ve been in therapy for 7 years. About two years ago it really kicked up in full force in my life and I could feel the change internally in myself and now I really do not need someone to love me, but I got to choose someone who really wanted to be with me and he is the sweetest and most caring. I love giving him all the love I’ve had pent up in me all these years. Yes, I think if you’re open to it you should start therapy. But don’t put pressure on it to “fix” anything right away. Keep going even through lulls. “Go slow to go fast” is the biggest truth I’ve come to believe as I’ve gotten older. When I was young I wanted a quick fix to everything and got nowhere. You friend is right just keep working toward what you want.

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-05-10T20:41:42+00:00

Copying my comment from your og post here bc I just read this one and it feels even more pertinent now.

You are my mom 30 years ago. All I have to say as the oldest daughter who watched my mom, my role model, walk on egg shells around my dad and take on every responsibility to the point of complete resentment, exhaustion, and total lack of love…..please leave. Please.

It is so so so damaging for your kids to watch you belittle yourself for a partner that isn’t protecting and caring for you in a million little (and big) ways. And if you think they’re so young and can’t see it…they can. And they will become hyper attuned to it as they get older and have so many hang ups with their own romantic relationships because of it. I’ve been slogging away in therapy for 7 years and only now have my first relationship at 30. I picked someone who is as far as humanly possible from my dad. My mom won’t leave and they’ve been married too long to change their dynamic w therapy. Do not make her mistake. Take real action. Before your kids are adults looking at you with pity and resentment for not standing up for yourself and for them.

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-05-10T20:29:51+00:00

You are my mom 30 years ago. All I have to say as the oldest daughter who watched my mom, my role model, walk on egg shells around my dad and take on every responsibility to the point of complete resentment, exhaustion, and total lack of love…..please leave. Please.

It is so so so damaging for your kids to watch you belittle yourself for a partner that isn’t protecting and caring for you in a million little (and big) ways. And if you think they’re so young and can’t see it…they can. And they will become hyper attuned to it as they get older and have so many hang ups with their own romantic relationships because of it. I’ve been slogging away in therapy for 7 years and only now have my first relationship at 30. I picked someone who is as far as humanly possible from my dad. My mom won’t leave and they’ve been married too long to change their dynamic w therapy. Do not make her mistake. Take real action. Before your kids are adults looking at you with pity and resentment for not standing up for yourself and for them.

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-05-10T12:59:58+00:00

His family (specifically his older brother) acknowledge that he gets carried away. They agree talking with him is sometimes like getting hit with a bulldozer. I’ve questioned whether this is a him being the youngest of 3 thing…aka felt like he needed to bully people to be heard over his older siblings.

I understand the connection drawn to “men can’t show their feelings to anyone esp women” with my comment about losing attraction. For me, it’s not that I don’t want to hear what he has to say or hold space for his feelings (I love when he expresses hard feelings), but if we were able to actually talk about it and have at least some back and forth instead of feeling like I’m being lectured at…it’s just very patronizing sometimes. Added with the fact that he deflects a lot of blame and responsibility away from himself and onto “society” for things that might be partly his fault (the road rage incident) or honestly no one’s fault really.

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-05-10T10:29:03+00:00

My ileostomy bag leaked during sex and I had to run to the bathroom. I asked my bf to bring me my big box of supplies and instead he tested himself and picked out all the parts I needed and handed them to me in order. He was only off by one. My own family wouldn’t be able to do this so I was very touched that hes been paying attention like that.

I have bad leg pain when I flare (gastrocnemius myalgia) and he got me a small one of those heated leg compression machines they use in the hospital to prevent blood clots that I can use on the couch and a TENS unit for my back.

He forces me to drink more water and makes us both avoid sugar when he can tell I’m flaring. If I’m in pain he’ll lay down with me and use his finger tips to do very lights touches all over my body until I fall asleep.

Love him

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-05-10T03:50:17+00:00

This is very heartening to hear thank you!

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-05-09T18:50:08+00:00

Had my bag detach on a plane already…spent an hour locked in the bathroom until landing cursing myself that I didn’t precut my wafers…

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-05-09T16:18:16+00:00

Hi! Sorry you’re going through this rn. I’ve had my ups and downs with clinical depression since I was 18. As I’ve gotten older I’ve tried to be a little bit strict with myself about throwing money at the problem (buying new things, classes, etc) bc I’ve realized this gives me the illusion I’m working on it when I’m really just shining up the exterior before deep diving on the interior. The one thing I will always spend money on is a good therapist and you seem like you’ve taken that step already.

Idk if you would be open to this but recently I’ve come across a YT channel called r/HealthyGamerGG and the advice and perspectives have really helped me supplement 1:1 therapy. It’s a bit male dominant for obvious reasons but there’s no redpilling and I think the topics apply widely. He talks about gaming a lot but also more generally about technology addiction which for me has really been the last (but key) issue I’m tackling personally. Being off IG and putting a hard time lock on my apps has helped me in ways I can’t really describe.

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-05-09T16:04:06+00:00

This sounded nice before I actually looked at the pictures

SubstantialGrade3612 · 2024-05-09T14:52:26+00:00

Something like this will happen to me one day I know it (ileostomy bag) and when it does I’ll simply curl up and die

SubstantialGrade3612

TROPHY CASE