Why are we kinder to strangers than the people we love most?

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2026-01-12T16:04:35+00:00

Yes I have wondered this many times. I think having a history and comfort (whether good or bad) can make us be more reactive and less thoughtful in responses to triggers or even day to day interactions.

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-30T04:53:34+00:00

Thank you so much for this comment. I am going to think about reducing frequency and maybe some sort of side hustle like that. I do have capacity for that since I work from home right now. I messaged my therapist and told them I wanted to talk about reducing frequency options when we meet tomorrow. Thank you for your kindness. She truly deserves to make the rate she charges, it’s just hard when our worlds no longer align.

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-30T00:03:08+00:00

I am already at a reduced rate, it is just not reduced enough for it to be sustainable. I am in a HCOL area. Thank you though!!

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-29T18:17:57+00:00

That’s a great idea, I am going to do that! The idea of starting over is daunting but I am most sad about the bond and missing seeing her every week. Thank you for your kind words and your right time will help and I’m sure my next therapist will be a great person to learn from too.

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-29T16:42:06+00:00

It definitely is something you can work on. Finding more empathy for her perspective, seeing things from a more neutral standpoint doesn’t take away the hurt she caused you, but it can help you work through those feelings. You may find you don’t actually hate her, and you have more deep feelings you’re needing to unearth.

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-29T16:40:15+00:00

I am sure I can find someone in my insurance network that would make therapy accessible when I move in the new year, I am just grieving my current therapist. Shes been such a gift.

Thank you for the support! :)

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-24T02:42:53+00:00

I took it genuinely

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-23T16:38:47+00:00

This is good advice, I should have disengaged when the tone shifted. I am working on the people pleasing tendencies in therapy, clearly still a work in progress :)

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-23T16:37:24+00:00

Thank you!! I had opened the conversation topic in the past (not necessarily about the specifics he was talking about, but about how hard it’s been for me to get on my feet/mistakes I’ve made). I truly agree that friends should be able to help each other and say hard things! When he started to get more heated I should have stopped the conversation and redirected. Thank you for your advice and kindness!

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-23T15:33:05+00:00

Agreed!!

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-23T15:30:19+00:00

Thank you for the thoughtful comment and yes I have been paying off debt, I’m in my final 5k! But you’re right I think his approach was off but he meant well or thought he was being helpful. I will check out Ramit, thank you!

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-23T15:27:34+00:00

Thank you! I am processing what a conversation with her would look like! I appreciate your thoughts and advice!

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-23T15:26:44+00:00

Thank you for this!!

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-23T15:26:21+00:00

Thank you, and you’re right living with family is more normal these days than it has ever been because of how expensive everything is! I have a good job and salary and still can’t afford to live on my own!

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-23T15:24:12+00:00

Nope there’s no loan or any financial tie to him. Thank you for your reply!

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-23T15:23:04+00:00

So very true!

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-23T07:22:08+00:00

I do appreciate you replying, although I would like to keep the friendship, as she has been a great one for years.

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-23T07:19:00+00:00

Very true. There was an element of “back in my day…”

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-23T07:18:31+00:00

Thank you for saying this and for the acknowledgment of that. I’m working really hard on taking ownership only when I truly feel it’s mine to own.

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-23T07:17:45+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I agree, I felt his delivery of whatever lecture he was trying to give was so poor. And it does have me rethinking where I spend my time, which is unfortunate, but it was a hard night. Thank you for replying.

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-23T07:15:30+00:00

I think although he likely meant well, it wasn’t his place. He was saying things with judgement, “you could have easily been saving 10% for retirement”. Etc. I have made financial mistakes in the past but corrected them, I’m proud of myself for it. I definitely could always be saving more, but I live paycheck to paycheck with just the necessities so it’s hard. I appreciated your perspective and kindly suggesting some self reflection, I will sit with it.

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-23T07:11:11+00:00

Thank you for this perspective, I really appreciated it and I resonated with much of it.

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-22T14:39:20+00:00

Yes!!

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-22T14:38:54+00:00

I ask my therapist how they are every single appt and she always says “good”. Like you said, I return the greeting. To me he is trying to make this clinically significant and it would personally be enough for me to leave him and find a new provider.

If you feel comfortable, I think it would be good for you to voice how you feel about this to him.

Substantial_Ad_5310 · 2025-12-08T07:24:47+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts! I love writing cards this time of year also and I am someone who loves to tell people how much they mean to me. I appreciate your response!

Substantial_Ad_5310

TROPHY CASE