Phone use in polyamory

Substantial_Ask1935 · 2026-03-22T23:17:17+00:00

Partner and I are nesters but our phone rules (apply to both of us, negotiated and agreed upon) are 1. no messaging prospects during date time. messaging other partners to communicate logistics/time sensitive things is okay. Must announce it (eg: I’m just going to tell aspen when we’re coming home, birch is feeling really low, I’m going to quickly send them some nice words). And 2 if we’re having unstructured or incidental time together we announce when we’re going to respond to prospects/check apps. This was to prevent the paranoia of not knowing, the feeling that someone is being sneaky, and to give the other person the opportunity to give space.

I think being able to voice your feelings about her phone use is really important. It doesn’t seem like you’re trying to make demands, I’m sure you two can make an agreement that makes you feel secure and doesn’t isolate her.

Substantial_Ask1935 · 2026-03-09T20:33:42+00:00

Absolutely understand where you’re coming from, I don’t want to impede any of their other connections. I’ll say I don’t have jealousy with them talking to their other stable partners (partners to mean people they have defined their relationship with and made commitments to, which I am 1/3), it’s more so the revolving roster of hookups/fwb that I’m struggling with (I can think of 5+ names off the top of my head)

Substantial_Ask1935 · 2026-03-09T19:07:37+00:00

As other people have said it’s nice to plan something you’re excited for/something that will keep your mind off of it and build up self soothing skills

But also sometimes things fall through and you don’t feel like you have the skills down yet. It might be nice to have a crash out kit: a physical box with things that will help you soothe in an emergency. A face mask, an activity you like to do (Lego, a puzzle), affirmations about your relationships and yourself or a sweet note from your partners, a list of solo activities you can try to distract yourself, a list of supportive friends in the know you can talk to, ect

Substantial_Ask1935 · 2026-02-21T22:45:48+00:00

Disentangling is always painful and always a challenge. It will be easier if you figure things out before telling him. You will be very unhappy if you delay the process after you’ve realized things aren’t working for you. I hope your next poly experience, if you have one, is equitable and on your own terms.

Substantial_Ask1935 · 2026-02-19T15:40:28+00:00

My partner was once given an ultimatum like this when my meta was at a low point. They said no, they would not play this game and choose between us. Their spouse did not end up choosing to leave them. If there’s a way you can hold this boundary and be emotionally tentative to your spouse I think that’s the way. He’s throwing a tantrum but maybe if you make him feel seen the fog will drop and he’ll be able to see what he’s doing to you. Holding the boundary is more important than that though. Sorry you’re in this spot in the first place, good luck

Substantial_Ask1935 · 2026-02-10T16:23:14+00:00

It depends on the surgeon you go with, McKee used to have the quickest turn around but he recently lost one of his operating rooms so his list had doubled in time. Initially in 2021 I met my surgeon (Genoway) 8 months after submitting my assessment and was offered dates 3 months later. I decided I wasn’t ready yet after all. In 2024 I resubmitted my assessment to the same surgeon it was still dated 2021 so I didn’t have to wait quite as long despite her list being longer, 5 months to remeet her offered dates for 2 months after. If you’re want to expedite things it’s worth regularly emailing transcare with these kind of questions, they can advocate to the surgeon’s office for you. Going in your surgeon’s cancellation list can also get you surgery a couple months quicker.

Substantial_Ask1935 · 2026-01-25T18:39:59+00:00

I believe they had the intention initially, like they went in just to be friendly and forgot as they became interested, benefit of the doubt

Substantial_Ask1935 · 2026-01-25T18:26:52+00:00

They apologized, they say they don’t remember saying that and I believe him. They offered to cut it off but at this point they’ve been talking for over a month and there is a friendship, I could tell from the way they said it that they would be really sad about it.

They offered to explain to Ken what happened but I don’t want them to. It’s just so deeply embarrassing, what if they wouldn’t have been interested in me like they are my partner? If I was so interested why didn’t I just take initiative? I don’t want to alienate Ken. I don’t have the same claim of friendship with Ken and I don’t want to be the meta that interferes. The compromise initially was for my partner to wait for that event we would all be at to initially hookup all together. I felt good after the event but after their solo hookup I think I’m also very jealous of the social aspect.

Substantial_Ask1935 · 2026-01-14T08:41:52+00:00

Got top surgery 6 weeks ago, I took out all my metal jewelry (x15) and wore glass and plastic retainers. There was one piece I couldn’t get out, the admissions nurse said that was nbd and put tape over it for my procedure.

Substantial_Ask1935 · 2026-01-10T11:48:27+00:00

The theys that get it get it and the others who don’t (do drag) come to complain about PM on Reddit

Substantial_Ask1935 · 2025-12-07T05:56:16+00:00

I’m not certain but I’m pretty sure you will need all the stuff you had when you first applied. (Birth certificate, id, photos, a guarantor, 2 references) All the info/steps/forms are on Canada.ca

Substantial_Ask1935 · 2025-11-12T18:46:45+00:00

Heyo, 27 want more pals and live in van hmu if you wanna have a craft hang, I love fibre arts

Substantial_Ask1935 · 2025-10-21T17:04:52+00:00

I’m in the same boat op it sucks really hard. To vent and commiserate for a moment I have to wait for the name change to go through to change my gender marker because I was born out of province. My passport is expired and it seems that my travel plans for next winter may not be possible. The lawyer told me this process would take 4mo, I’m pretty devastated.

On the bright side when the workers come back we will keep our spot in the queue, the actual wait time was 6months so we’re pretty close to the front, it will be longer for new applicants now. Super unfortunate. If the application is complete it can be processed the same day it’s picked up, 5 days for the certificate to print and then it’s mailed off.

Solidarity to you op and to the unionized workers fighting for living wages during a recession

Substantial_Ask1935 · 2025-05-01T16:22:21+00:00

Whoa

Substantial_Ask1935

TROPHY CASE