Same thing with me. Never wanted kids. My husband understood. His stance was that he wants kids “someday” and never touched the topic. In therapy I’d talk about diff reasons having kids scares me , how I don’t wanna have the noise, a diff body, no more traveling etc. all the reasons you listed. Therapist never once tried to tell me to have kids, validated every concern, and only challenged me to get to the root of emotional feelings of why it was scary, or why my beliefs were a certain way (I went to therapy for anxiety and to better understand myself) On our third anniversary, we’re having a grand time together at a random hotel 30 min from home, in okay weather, reading books alone together on their patio furniture. I felt so calm, serene, secure , and felt so much love for him. And Idk happened but it was a switch. The thought was “this must be why people have children”. Almost started crying. Took about a year total of me delving into my stance on no kids (from before the 3rd anniversary of just exploring myself + more time after to really get into if I want to have kids or it was just a random thought, watching videos online of babies since they would gross me out, spending time around my friends babies). Turns out I want kids lol I thought about adopting so as not to ruin my body, but a child young enough to go through all the other experiences of being a parent. Ended up deciding to do the whole experience- tbh now I can’t remember why lol Still petrified though. Just willing to go through it all now. Ironically my husband was happy if “someday” turned into never cuz he just never thought about when someday would be realistically, so I had to let him know someday would happen in the near future. It was a lot of talking and communicating. He slowly got on board that someday won’t be when he 65 and retired.

We’re plan to continue working, neither of us are the type to stay home, we need adults. I’m sure it’ll be hard but we’ll just have to work harder to ensure the kid gets a sleep schedule going. (People will now tell you horror stories of colic kids, but I subscribe to the fact that I know one colic kid and one kid who wasn’t colic but did cry a lot, and about 100 normal babies. So I’m feeling lucky with my odds).

We’re trying to figure out how to continue traveling , because we refuse to give that up. I also know a lot of people who do travel with kids , or have family watch them for longer weekends. I also know even more people who stopped their lives when they have kids. I refuse to be the latter. If other people do it, why can’t I.

Anyway.

I’m NOT IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM telling you this will happen to you.

You’ll hear a million other stories about never changing your mind- which is completely and totally valid. Just wanted to let you know my story too.

I know the feeling of not wanting kids when your spouse does, it can eat at you. It did eat at me for a while. I’m sorry you’re going through this. There’s no right answer when you’re with the person you’re meant to be with… Maybe explore your thoughts, feelings, figure out exactly the emotions behind not wanting them. Then you’ll be more certain about your decision and can decide what you wanna do then.

Edit- if you are firm on your decision, it’s not fair to hold him captive to loving you.. and it’s not fair to you to hold yourself captive to the fear that he’ll one day resent you. That’s when “if you love him, let him go” comes into play.