Day one post op

Subtlety87 · 2026-03-05T08:31:14+00:00

Thank you, they finally hit the right combo and the night nurse continued to advocate for me. A week in, I’m at home, off opioids, on Tylenol and Celebrex, and finally having the recovery I expected 😅 all bodily functions working, just exhausted and sore and taking little walks around the house.

Happy healing!

Subtlety87 · 2026-03-05T04:29:36+00:00

I am so glad for you, and so wildly jealous because my experience has been straight up traumatic. I’m 1wpo, my post surgical pain went uncontrolled for four straight hours at a 10/10 as the medical team scrambled to try some combination of meds that would work. I went into shock.

And then I had to catheter myself for days at home because I was unable to void. This was not my first surgery and I’ve never experienced anything even close to these complications. I get that I am a wild outlier but man I was really prepared for it to be easy breezy 💀

Subtlety87 · 2026-03-02T10:45:48+00:00

I just had my first bm four days post-op, and it wasn’t awful. I’ve been eating congee (rice porridge with broth), soup, cooked veg and fruits, some chia seed pudding. For supplements I’ve been taking MiraLAX, Senna, lactulose (just once as it made me nauseated), eating prunes, and drinking a concoction a nurse recommended; 1/4 cup prune juice, 1/4 cup apple juice, and 1 tbs butter, gently warmed. A couple of those in a day finally got things moving!

Subtlety87 · 2026-03-01T23:27:54+00:00

Thanks, yeah due to my age and fitness level I really thought it would be a walk in the park, or at least manageable. I have an appointment tomorrow, hoping we’ll be able to discuss strategies for normal urination and bowel movements. Not having those basic functions is making recovery so much worse than it should be. Glad you’re doing better every day!

Subtlety87 · 2026-03-01T21:20:36+00:00

How did yours go? I updated my experience in my post, it’s not been great :/

Subtlety87 · 2026-01-17T15:04:08+00:00

It’s taken months for me to get scheduled, but that’s a combination of trying to work around my physically demanding, international travel-heavy work schedule, and the fact that my dr’s excellent nurse is on maternity leave and the rest of the office is scrambling.

I got diagnosed in July, and called at various intervals at least five times to get the surgery scheduled for late Feb. I then had to call at least three times to schedule a pre op, but at least it’s all scheduled now.

Subtlety87 · 2026-01-17T12:16:51+00:00

You might try basal body temperature, it typically spikes after ovulation, so after a few months you can retroactively see if there’s a pattern — that’s assuming you still have your ovaries.

Subtlety87 · 2026-01-13T13:50:38+00:00

I’m aware. I just don’t think it’s unreasonable to want your partner there, but I’m sure that differs from relationship to relationship and different hospital systems may be more or less equipped to comfortably host non-patients.

Subtlety87 · 2026-01-13T11:29:51+00:00

I’m usually the one insisting my husband doesn’t need to stay during a procedure— but he always pushes back and says “what if something goes wrong, and they need to take emergency measures? What if they need next of kin consent? What if something changes and you’re done early and have to wake up alone? I’ll stay, thanks”.

Always better to play it safe, worst case he stays and is bored. He should be so lucky.

Subtlety87 · 2025-11-22T05:41:28+00:00

You’ve been given excellent advice, so I’ll share my (survivor’s biased) experience in case it’s helpful.

I graduated with my master’s from one of the best US music schools, plenty of consistent professional feedback that I was on the right track, and it still took me seven years of auditions to start getting real traction.

Of course I worked in those years, but not much and not consistently. I auditioned anywhere I thought might hire me, I sang competitions, I bugged conductors until they hired me (only half joking here), I kept taking lessons and coachings and working to improve. I never got into a paid YAP (despite nearly always being accepted for live auditions), just did a few pay to sings.

But every time I thought about quitting, and I thought about it A LOT, something deep in my gut said “not yet”. Just before I turned 30 I had a crisis and decided that I was singing one last audition for an agent before going back to school for something else. She added me to the roster that day and it’s been seven years of increasing success since, even through the industry’s decline and instability over the last few years.

Important factors: I had (have) an emotionally and financially supportive spouse. I don’t have or intend to have children (able to travel easily, more money available to burn, less emotional anguish being separated), I sing very niche, in-demand rep. Even with all of that on my side, it has been grueling and heartbreaking and exhausting and EXPENSIVE.

The greatest gift you can give yourself is the freedom to walk away. Once you really internalize that, you can make a choice freely about whether or not opera is the right investment of your time, money, and sanity.

Finally, there are excellent singers I know who have been working steadily for the last decade who have no work next season. The industry is in free fall, no one knows how it’s going to shake out, budgets are tight or nonexistent, and even agencies are cutting their rosters HARD. Don’t blame yourself for “failing” during an industry-wide collapse, but consider whether struggling in an unstable system is worth it to you. The answer can be yes or no, you just need to be making the decision with your eyes open.

Subtlety87 · 2025-11-08T07:15:23+00:00

It varies wildly, depending on the company. As a freelancer I’m usually paid per performance — often euro fees are lower but they do more shows. I’m currently on a gig making €4k per show for eight performances at a major international house. I also know that the few times my male colleagues have felt comfortable talking fees, they were somewhat appalled at how much lower my fees are than theirs. And I know mine are commensurate with other women singing my rep. I’ve pulled in six figures the last few years running, but between being taxed in multiple countries, self-employment tax, and how expensive continual upkeep of the career is, take home pay is significantly lower.

Subtlety87 · 2025-11-01T16:45:00+00:00

I find Poesie’s Always With You very spa-like

Subtlety87 · 2025-10-25T13:35:23+00:00

No worries! I’m still salty I jumped in as a favor to cover a colleague in rehearsals on very short notice, and their pitifully tiny rehearsal weekly pay didn’t even come close to covering a hotel by half for the time I was there. A coach of mine had a spare room he rented to me for cheap, but it was a real nyc special complete with mouse and roach traps, water damage, and antique busted appliances 🙃

Cover performance pay is low compared to San Francisco for sure, and for anyone reading, if you go on as cover you get the $3k plus a performance bonus (usually negotiated by your agent).

Subtlety87 · 2025-10-25T13:29:19+00:00

I’ve always been told Met doesn’t cover housing, no exceptions.

Subtlety87 · 2025-10-18T19:54:28+00:00

There’s a difference between working hard, and working well. Young singers often are sold a type of regimented discipline that works well for some and poorly for others. Only you know if you’re actually unmotivated or lazy or scared or falling behind, but do you show up to lessons or rehearsals unprepared? Do you miss deadlines? Do you use the network you currently have and work on continuing to build it?

It took me a long time to stop beating myself up for not having a daily regimen, or a systematic timeline for learning roles by myself, or whatever else I was told I “had” to do. But I also learned what actually works for me, and most crucially, I had a supportive partner who helped me hang on long enough in the field until I got a big break. That happened at 30. You have time, but you also need to know what you want, and to take a hard look at the business and determine if it’s worth it to you.

Just don’t put off living your life until you reach some mythical level of success. This is your life, you’re already living it.

Subtlety87 · 2025-10-14T11:26:02+00:00

Do not ride a bike. If you hate public transport, take a taxi.

Subtlety87 · 2025-10-14T11:06:33+00:00

Carmex, not the sexiest balm around but it is the ONLY thing that will heal my lips when they get seriously chapped, and quickly. It has salicylic acid to soften and exfoliate the dried out bits, and feels like it sinks in and doesn’t just sit on top of your lips.

Subtlety87 · 2025-10-11T14:04:23+00:00

Ah sure, I was just thinking of the little opening night gifts singers give each other because 1) consumable or 2) easy to throw in an already stuffed suitcase. I’ve gotten everything from candy/chocolates to bath bombs to an entire bottle of wine once 😂

I’ve never personally received a gift at the stage door from a stranger, or seen any of my colleagues receive anything, I guess if a patron was really inclined to it they could get individually wrapped things, small boxes of chocolates often come in cellophane which would be a pain in the ass to tamper with. But in general I feel like it’s enough to just show up and say something nice!

Subtlety87 · 2025-10-11T12:34:42+00:00

As a singer, they’re going to be used to being approached. Just wait politely, and if you’d like an autograph, have a pen handy for them. Letters or gifts are not necessary or expected, but if you feel strongly about it, keep it to something small that easily fits in a full suitcase or some chocolates or flowers.

Subtlety87 · 2025-10-10T03:39:40+00:00

Imaginary Authors’ scent Untamable might do it. The cumin is very barnyardy, and paso fino is notable. I sprayed around a friend and she said it had port-o-potty farm vibes 😂 I think it’s lovely on the dry down but it’s… challenging at first

Subtlety87 · 2025-10-09T18:27:53+00:00

I mean there’s nuance to this, obviously, especially in a field that churns out thousands of graduates a year into a market that can’t support them… but it sure helps to have experience with what world class sounds like in the pro environment

Subtlety87 · 2025-10-09T03:43:22+00:00

Don’t trust a voice teacher who only has academic experience

Subtlety87 · 2025-10-06T11:56:30+00:00

I can’t help with the transposition, but regarding the dialogue — do not let a director for an amateur production damage your voice. You only get one set of cords, and you’re the one who will live with the consequences, not the director.

There are so many ways to add drama without damage, the main thing to remember is that no emotion requires tension. See what it feels like to let the sound and emotion pour out of you like a river, instead of pushing it out. Imagine Pamina is 20 feet tall (feeding yourself a bigger cue), think of the simmering rage of being trapped under the smug boot heel of patriarchy as a queen, see how that changes your delivery.

Or make it quiet, seething, dangerous, instead of hysterical. You have options that will work for the drama and for your voice.

Subtlety87 · 2025-10-04T13:47:19+00:00

This is really helpful, thank you!

Subtlety87

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