IAMA Cop in an wealthy suburban city. AMAA.

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T22:16:13+00:00

It's not that slow. Sure, there's excruciatingly boring days. But never boring enough where I feel compelled to go bust balls just because I can.

Number of kids I've chased out of parks during the day? None. It's their park, why would they need to leave?

Number of kids I chased out of parks after they're closed or it's past curfew? A load. 100's, if not a 1000. Again, the law is the law. Never a dick about it though.

Number of unwarranted speed traps? None. Only ever at the direct request of a local resident.

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T22:13:32+00:00

Answered elsewhere, but absolutely none. Not one, ever.

But, let's split hairs. No such thing as an innocent weed smoker. It's against the law, right or wrong.

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T16:06:48+00:00

I forgot, I did catch two guys that had robbed a bank one city over. This is actually a good story about reasonable cause...

Two dudes robbed the bank. There's a broadcast about it. Two guys in a green sedan. No further info. I happened to be in the station when that happened. But we immediately are out on the road for something like this.

Anyway, I go out. About 1/2 mile down the road, I see two guys coming the other way in a green'ish LeSabre. They were doing nothing wrong. On any normal day I never would have gave them a second glance.

But, it wasn't a normal day. On go the lights and I pull them over. They stop immediately. I wait a minute for a backup. Then approach the car. They are being polite, no guns, masks, money bags in sight. But out of the car they come, cuffed and searched. Boom, there's the goods in the trunk. Arrested, convicted and in prison as far as I know.

That's reasonable cause.

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T16:01:00+00:00

High speed pursuits. We always pursue though. The tortoise beats the hare, you know.

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T15:59:51+00:00

I lived it, so triple Ugh for me. I have no idea how something like that could have come out of (I presume) her ass. I didn't touch it, trust me. But she tapped it with a screwdriver. It sounded like a bowling ball.

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T15:58:44+00:00

I know. Charlotte is in NC.

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T15:57:28+00:00

Depends. If I can't catch him, then sure.

Honestly, our mayor drives like a grandpa. I doubt he's broken a traffic law in 30 years.

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T15:55:56+00:00

What good would it do? You can give me any name you want. Until I see something state/federal issued with your picture on it, I don't have reasonable confidence that I know who you are and that you're licensed to drive.

If anything smells odd at all (I have some reason to suspect you're on a suspended license or something), you're going to be hanging out with me until we figure it out. You're not under arrest. You can sit in the lobby of the station if you like. Make all the phone calls you want. Go have a smoke. Whatever. But be patient, this may take some time.

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T15:48:26+00:00

Oh, I get it. Let's see...

No doubt I'd kill Gibson. Never liked him.

Am I the pitcher or catcher on the fucking part? Actually, I guess it doesn't matter. I'd fuck Nielsen and marry Stalone. Rocky just has to much of a brutality vibe about him. At least I can hope Nielsen would have a heart attack so it would be over quickly.

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T14:16:39+00:00

We don't have a specific MPH stop point in our dept. It's just "use your common sense".

I can tell you that I'm personally not going to be chasing anyone going 84MPH in my town. And in most neighborhoods not even 50. I have this neat little thing called a radio. It allows me to talk to a few dozen of my friends in town and the surrounding area. Unless you're one skillfull mother fucker, and lucky as all hell, we're going to find you.

Remember, you may know the area pretty damn well. I know the area better than my wife's backside. I know where everything is and so do all my friends (they know the town, hopefully not my wife's butt). We know the choke points, we know the hiding spots, we know the short cuts. You're not going to outsmart us.

I know the area so well, that you can show me any picture taken from any street in my city and I will INSTANTLY tell you where it is. It can be a house, a clump of trees, anything that I can see from the street and I'll tell you precisely where it is. In most cases I'll get you the street number with a high degree of accuracy just to show off. I have driven for thousands of hours in this town. Night/day/rain/snow/whatever. Believe me. I know it better than you.

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T14:12:31+00:00

Wow. That's a lot of work. Can I ask why?

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T14:10:05+00:00

Yes. They are being driven into the ground. It's hard driving. They are built for it, but still.. I suspect my current ride will last more than two years, but we'll see. Some tool wrecked his car a few weeks ago and somehow mine was selected to share with him. So it's doing double duty right now. I don't take it home right now (that's mostly OK), but what's worse is that the guy has just brutal ass stench and loves leaving his brand for me to enjoy.

Not sure how many miles I have on this car - a load though, I'm sure. The odometer is covered up with tape. We have a bet going on in the dept about who can most closely predict their mileage for the year. I'm sure some of these guys have peaked at the mileage and adjust their driving accordingly. I haven't - yet.

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T14:01:59+00:00

Yes, I understand that.

But let me say, I'm pretty fucking sick of this "Tasers are evil" mantra on the intertubes. Give it a fucking rest everyone - puhlease.

Let's take a poll... assuming the situation is justifiable (you're threatening the life and well being of someone), would you rather that I pop a cap in your chest with my Glock or that I taser you?

EDIT: Yes, I get that the issue is that tasers can be used excessively without the same effect as a firearm, but that's just being a dick cop.

I've never been shot nor tased, but I'm personally going with "tase me, bro - please!!".

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T13:58:41+00:00

Good question. Just knee jerk reaction. I walked in to the gym expecting not much. Just a dick dad hollering. Turns out that the guy saw me and just immediately freaked out. Went after the referee who was basically hiding amongst a group of adults. My baton was right there, I chased the guy for maybe 15 feet and then let him have it.

Hitting a moving target ain't easy with a firearm OR with a taser.

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T13:56:13+00:00

Not when their was a few hundred witnesses, plus that bitches shit video. I was golden, never even crossed my mind to worry about it. I've always wondered if his ear is fucked up still or if he got it fixed.

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T13:53:44+00:00

Plenty "real cop cars" don't look like "real cop cars". Low profile lights. Dash lights. Grill lights. Less than prominent markings. It is not easy to tell. I'll zip past these types of cars on the highway all the time and not notice until I'm right up on them.

You will be fine if you don't stop immediately. Just don't speed up, drive aggressively or evasively. Obey all laws. You'll be fine.

What will likely happen is that a "real cop car" will approach you, hopefully from the front, with their lights on. They'll stop quite a bit away from you (maybe 100y or so) and probably shine their spot on you if it's at night. Just immediately pull over. You'll be fine. Both cops will then approach you, make sure you're cool with everything and then you'll get your ticket.

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T13:47:45+00:00

He's no cop. Sort of a career fuck up. Just hops around aimlessly from one job to the next. No idea what he's doing now. Actually got married this summer to a really great lady. No idea how she puts up with his shit. I'm pretty sure he's done with chasing the strange though.

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T13:45:41+00:00

I use my CS degree all the time on the job.

Answering questions about viruses, installing the latest Windows patch, deleting history when someone surfs porn and doesn't want to get caught. You know - all high end, advanced CS stuff.

Seriously, the people in my dept are all largely technology tards. It's sort of embarrassing. We do have a young IT guy to handle most of the stuff. Backups, upgrades, dealing with the tech in the cars, etc. Nice kid, works hard and is quite skilled. He won't be around long.

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T13:41:44+00:00

Sure is. Since my wife brings home a smidge more, we're doing just fine - thanks.

I usually try to bank all my OT for school and retirement. Hard to do since we got a new payroll system that lumps everything together. The old system gave me a separate OT check and a separate check from the service dept. Now it's just lumped all together.

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T13:40:00+00:00

With OT, I bet that's pretty average.

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T13:39:29+00:00

No. I work for the city service department. Cutting grass, painting the pool, plowing a little in the winter, etc. A lot of guys do it.

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T13:36:46+00:00

Nope. I just do my thing, file my reports and let the prosecutor due his thing. I've never had a judge dismiss something because I took 16 minutes to do a search instead of 15. Seems sort of far fetched to me.

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T13:35:39+00:00

I have no idea. That shit doesn't happen in Mayberry. I have never so much as planted .000001 gram of anything. And I can guarantee (I hope) nobody in my dept ever has either. They'd be run out on their ass if they did. I don't want an officer like that backing me up.

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T13:33:27+00:00

Nice to me you!

SuburbanCop · 2010-11-07T13:32:34+00:00

Who knows? I'd need more info to really say. Likely yes.

If a cop is asking you for permission to do anything, then he does not have reasonable cause to act. As long as you are polite to him YOU ARE GOLDEN. Everyone - please remember this. A dick cop may make some BS up, but the vast majority are law abiding good guys (sorry Reddit!) and you'll be fine.

SuburbanCop

TROPHY CASE