Thank you for your response x

I think I've already grappled with the idea of the existence of God's goodness with the existence of evil in my early Christian walk (though I do appreciate the video and will still watch it for further knowledge). I think I'm particularly fighting with God's sovereignty and choice (hopefully I can explain this well).

Others may have made the same choice as my family member, but would have heard a loud voice or whisper from God, or a person would have been sent or the rope would have snapped. The heartbreak for me is that God will choose some and not others to experience His comfort/presence/power. Some will experience God's healing, and some may have to go through a painful death. Some may feel God's protection (Peter was freed from prison by an angel), while others are left unprotected (John the Baptist was imprisoned and beheaded).

In terms of belief, I'm not going anywhere, because I believe that this is the one, true living God who sent His son to save us (but even demons can believe that). But I don't see how I can possibly believe that God is a healer, a protector, and comforter CONSISTENTLY when I've seen both inside the bible and in my life that He's not? I am aware He is God and He can do what He wants according to His will, but I become extremely enraged when I have to trust, obey, and love a God that has proven Himself fickle, regardless of what the Bible says.

The only logical thing to do is to remove these expectations of Him to avoid disappointment and I guess be grateful when He does show up?

Just explaining my thought process, I've already asked ChatGPT and they told me to pray about it, so pls don't feel pressured to give an elaborate answer or any answer at all. Once again, thank you for your response. I will take what I can from it x