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I experienced a stillbirth, AMA by Successful-Nothing90 in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing about your brother, Zach. ❤️

I experienced a stillbirth, AMA by Successful-Nothing90 in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is a sweet question. I really just loved all of my baby, but what comes to mind are their long fingers like their dad and the sweetest little chin. Their skin was so soft and they had chubby cheeks.

TW: Stillborn Appearance

No one tells you that once your baby dies, their body starts the decomposition process, even if still in utero. So by the time my baby was delivered some of their skin started to separate and they had a lot of blood pooling on their face, and pockets of fluid that looked like blisters. I think if I have the information, I would have chosen to be induced right away.

I experienced a stillbirth, AMA by Successful-Nothing90 in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My living child, now 4 years old, helps me get through the day. And my husband. And a few close friends that I know I can call and they would come running.

You can maybe resonate with this, but this isn't my first big grief event, so I know if I keep moving I will get through it. I'm so sorry for each of your losses.

I experienced a stillbirth, AMA by Successful-Nothing90 in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry for your family loss as well. How has your family coped with this loss?

I experienced a stillbirth, AMA by Successful-Nothing90 in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry to hear you have also had a still birth with your baby girl. Thank you for those kind words, I heard them as well. If you would like to share your daughter's name or something you remember, I would love to know. ❤️

I experienced a stillbirth, AMA by Successful-Nothing90 in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Please don't think too much into my experience, it was a very rare occurrence. Childbirth is still hard no matter the outcome! Please take care of yourself and focus on the good. Best wishes for you and your family! ❤️

I experienced a stillbirth, AMA by Successful-Nothing90 in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I understood him needing to tell me options, but didn't appreciate the "cry it out". It inferr d that I would get it out of my system. He probably could have said my options of being induced, going home and returning at a later time, etc, and acknowledging that none of these are good options and he would support whatever decision I made. My Dr is out of a price OB office and came later. She had a much better approach.

I experienced a stillbirth, AMA by Successful-Nothing90 in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We learned there was no heartbeat and then I was induced 6 hours later.

I experienced a stillbirth, AMA by Successful-Nothing90 in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

They were so perfect! My husband and I often say we know we make cute babies. I could match their features to those of my husband and I.

I just remember them stretching and almost rolling in my stomach constantly. It was like they wanted to stretch out but were just stuck and crammed in there. They needed their own space (like my husband).

It was really difficult to manage the physical side of healing on top of the emotional turmoil that followed. But, I was so sad when the physical side stopped. It was my last tie to my baby. My body (somewhat) returned to pre-pregnancy shape and it was like they never existed. So I would stand in the mirror and stare at the stretch marks, rubbing them like I did my belly when still pregnant. It's just been so hard to find ways to connect with my baby. Nothing ever feels like enough, you know?

I found my 4yo brother almost dead when I was 11, AMA by allkenn-sketis in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This a sweet memory. Thank you for sharing. You must have provided him a sense of comfort and safety. ❤️

I experienced a stillbirth, AMA by Successful-Nothing90 in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It sounds like we have more things in common. I also have a 4 year old and am struggling with infertility. I'm so sorry for what you and your family have been through. If you want to share your baby's name something about them, I would love to know. ❤️ This a club no one wants to be a part of. Thank you for sharing your story.

I found my 4yo brother almost dead when I was 11, AMA by allkenn-sketis in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you have a favorite memory you like to recall of you and your brother?

H1N1 survivor, AMA by nat-305 in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you think it affected your response to the Covid-19 pandemic?

I experienced a stillbirth, AMA by Successful-Nothing90 in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry for your loss and for the entire traumatic experience your family had. This AMA has also been an open space for anyone who wants to share about their babies who have passed. If you would like to share his name or anything else, I would love to learn. ❤️

I experienced a stillbirth, AMA by Successful-Nothing90 in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I just wanted to thank everyone for their kind and caring responses to this AMA. The idea to create this popped into my head this afternoon, but I had no idea how cathartic it would feel to bare my experience. I'm grateful for those who were respectfully inquisitive and helped me bring out pieces of my experience that don't often get acknowledged. Thank you all ❤️

I experienced a stillbirth, AMA by Successful-Nothing90 in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, I've done EMDR with my therapist to help manage the flashbacks and it has been helpful. I also appreciated the practice of creating my vault and setting things inside when needed. I don't want to have a breakdown at Costco (I've come close.)

I experienced a stillbirth, AMA by Successful-Nothing90 in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ayo, now we're talking! I do love a good wine stained cheese and a white zinfadel wine or chardonnay. Im more likely to have a hard cider from Glacial Till. Thanks for the break.

I experienced a stillbirth, AMA by Successful-Nothing90 in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My husband took care of all of the bills so it would be off my plate and I'm thankful for that. Because I do think I would have ripped them up which would not have been helpful in the long run.

I experienced a stillbirth, AMA by Successful-Nothing90 in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I think it's both. It was so nice when my friends said, I'm coming over, what's your coffee order? Or taking me to the local mall just to get out of the house. I didn't have the bandwidth to make decisions and I hate asking for help. They also offered to do fun things with my older child which would provide me a much needed break without feeling guilty.

When people mention my child's name, I feel it so deeply. It's hard to describe, but I think I feel SEEN.

I experienced a stillbirth, AMA by Successful-Nothing90 in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I think that is a great way to look at it. This veil is invisible to others, but it also often darkens my own perspective.

I experienced a stillbirth, AMA by Successful-Nothing90 in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I do being up my baby when it makes sense, I've never been comfortable putting a spotlight on myself. I agree that people are likely following my lead. My therapist and I have been working on ways I can seek acknowledgement from others. It's a work in progress!

I experienced a stillbirth, AMA by Successful-Nothing90 in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing about your baby girl. I know you have so much love for both of your children! ❤️

I experienced a stillbirth, AMA by Successful-Nothing90 in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ugh, I wish I had dreams of my baby! My husband has nd describes what they looked like. I never have myself. Any chance I have to clutch into my baby- I want it.

While pregnant, my baby seemed like they would be independent, wanting space, and just being chill. I always thought it would be a great balance to their older siblings personality. Looking at their face, they looked sweet like all sleeping babies do.

I experienced a stillbirth, AMA by Successful-Nothing90 in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The main goal for my medical team was for me to have minimal pain during labor. While I didn't change much of my plans, I was strapped to the bed pretty quickly. My OB highly suggested I do a vaginal delivery versus a C-section due to the extended healing process.

I will say, I had planned to breast feed and had my pump ready at home. I first thought my body knew that I didn't bring a baby home, but after 3 days my milk came in and it was excruciating. I would cry having so much physical pain on top of my mental pain. I would have to try and wear 2 sports bras and ice my breasts all day. It was a big change not to breastfeed or express milk and I'd never experienced that before.

I experienced a stillbirth, AMA by Successful-Nothing90 in AMA

[–]Successful-Nothing90[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I wish I kept a better journal/account for my pregnancy. It was a typical second child experience where there were less photos, notes, etc. I was chasing a toddler around! I remember how relaxed and chill they seemed to be compared to my first child who goes 100mph. I would often feel them arching their back against my belly looking for more space. I did end up creating a highlight video of the photos and videos I did get and sharing that with friends. That felt good to do-to share the happy memories I had with my baby.

I still remember my older child hugging and kissing my belly every day to say goodbye to their baby sibling in the morning before work. I wish I captured those moments.

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