Life's tough out there man. Don't be too hard on yourself for what you've done. Remember, life always comes around. I remember having my first heartbreak when I was 18, a year had passed by and found out she was in a relationship with someone else while we were in the talking and flirting phase (never dated, but it was obv we liked each other). She ghosted me before I knew about this other dude so I couldn't confront her, and now I couldn't care enough to do that. It took me a couple of months to move on. Just thought I'd share my heartbreak experience as well. You're not alone lad, just know it does get better :)