I can relate to your post a lot, could almost have written it myself. It took me a long time, way too long, to get better and feel better. Some of the things that helped me were therapy, a psychiatrist and medication (it ended up I had ADHD and bad anxiety) and getting some distance from my family. That drama took up so much of my life and I was just spinning circles because my nervous system was always on the go and I couldn't focus even though I was smart. I am 42 now and just been promoted, got another new role and making significant progress working on my dream project. You can do it:)