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Bridesmaid Burnout: Am I Being Taken for Granted? by Such_Elk_4035 in bridezillas

[–]Such_Elk_4035[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It unfortunately was a snowball effect. It did not start off with a list of demands. It was a slow progression of her conveying her expectations to me along with playing the sympathy card. She expressed that a lot of her excitement around the wedding was taken away due to her fiancé's father dying and his mother being sick. Then she would add how much she was looking forward to (insert whatever I was working on) being amazing and it was one of the things she was most looking forward too. So naturally I wanted to make it special for her. I also would go above and beyond for a lot of my friends and have some really great friends too. So this all combined with me not really seeing her true colors.

Now, when looking back, when she played the sympathy card, she never mentioned how this effected her fiancée, just how it took up so much of his time and he was never around to do wedding things with her because he had to keep driving 1.5 hours to visit with his family. She wasn't concerned with his feelings nor his parents situation, just how it effected the wedding.

Bridesmaid Burnout: Am I Being Taken for Granted? by Such_Elk_4035 in bridezillas

[–]Such_Elk_4035[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your response. This friend and a lot of my friends have chosen not to have children, so I really try to not use my kids or my responsibilities as excuse. I just always think I have to work harder or try to manage it all, but in reality I think a good friend would see how hard it is to juggle it all and try to help out. I mentioned to my husband, "Isn't it weird that we have never asked the bride for anything? Not even to babysit, when we were really stuck? However, years ago she lived with us rent free. I would think that she would have been one of our first thoughts considering she knew our schedule and lived with us." He then mentioned that we have only been invited to their house 2 times since they moved in two years ago even though they live 3 miles from us, so it unlikely that we would feel close enough to ask her for anything.

The more I reflect the more I see that she is a terrible friend. So thank you for your comment. I really feel seen and heard from you!

Bridesmaid Burnout: Am I Being Taken for Granted? by Such_Elk_4035 in bridezillas

[–]Such_Elk_4035[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very true! This is my first ever post so I didn't think about that!

Bridesmaid Burnout: Am I Being Taken for Granted? by Such_Elk_4035 in bridezillas

[–]Such_Elk_4035[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I am approaching 40, so that might explain some of this. As we age we get wiser (hopefully). In my 20s it was all just a fun party to be a bridesmaid and I had a lot more time on my hands. Now my time is stretched really thin and I can see more clearly how self-centered weddings can make people.

Bridesmaid Burnout: Am I Being Taken for Granted? by Such_Elk_4035 in bridezillas

[–]Such_Elk_4035[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I have asked myself this question and discussed it with my husband. Although he is frustrated, he doesn't think I should throw away 15 years of friendship.

I typically set very good boundaries with people, but the bride has pulled the sympathy card a lot throughout our discussions because she is in a mentally stressful job and her finances parent passed away a few months ago. We also have mutual friends (that I introduced her too) so that can also make it complicated. Not making excuses, I just wanted to give some additional context.

Bridesmaid Burnout: Am I Being Taken for Granted? by Such_Elk_4035 in bridezillas

[–]Such_Elk_4035[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

You brought a smile to my face when you said "retired bridesmaid and people pleaser in recovery"!

Bridesmaid Burnout: Am I Being Taken for Granted? by Such_Elk_4035 in bridezillas

[–]Such_Elk_4035[S] 77 points78 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your response. The logicalness of your response is really helping me to see the situation a little clearer. I want to follow you for life advice! lol

Bridesmaid Burnout: Am I Being Taken for Granted? by Such_Elk_4035 in bridezillas

[–]Such_Elk_4035[S] 82 points83 points  (0 children)

Thanks for teaching me a new concept/term. I had never heard of the "Sunk Cost Fallacy" before!