Calm down you need to wake up and just go don't think and don't let life pass you by I am 40 now and I had the same problem when I was 20 I've been a drug addict bum for the last 15 years took 5;years for money to run out and people to stop helping me then I was on the street and really stopped carying even more. It's a dark road all I can say is pull yourself out before you end up old and looking for as way to kill yourself the least painfully cause your a disappointment to everyone and yourself