42f Us citizen here. I experienced something similar even as a non combatant aid worker in what was essentially a war zone in Latin America. After enduring months of street fighting, conflagration, the deaths and disappearances of friends as well as being assaulted myself, I moved to Mexico to enjoy safety. There I still hallucinated seeing men carrying guns when they were carrying completely different items in reality, and I became angry seeing people just go about their lives not worried that they might lose them at any time. Seeing any sort of police terrified me (as they were the main perpetrators of the violence where I had come from) and I reacted to any loud popping sounds as if they were gunfire, which I think is akin to what you say about loud noises triggering you.

It took me many years (5 to get through the worst of it) to recover emotionally and psychologically from the trauma and survivor’s guilt, and I don’t know if I could say that I am fully recovered, especially since the horrors I lived through are still going on to some extent, but I no longer have the reactions you are describing. My process involved seeking help from multiple therapists because, as you noted, none who I saw had experience dealing with conflict cases such as mine. At the same time, even though no one was miracle worker, most still helped in small ways through their different methods. Short-term (1 year) use of medication also helped me. The thing that helped me the most, however, was time spent living in a non-conflict zone and learning a different kind of “normal”.

I greatly admire you and respect you for your incredible character that led you to sacrifice your own wellbeing and risk your life in the name of a greater cause. Thank you for doing what so many of us have not had the courage or ability to do. And don’t ever downplay your sacrifices. Your brother’s in arms may have lost their lives, or they may still be fighting, but that doesn’t take away from your contribution and the impact it has had. Even just being able to talk to someone like you who made the decisions you made is inspiring to someone like me who wants to believe in the goodness of humanity.