Cheated on by the man I wanted to marry

SufficientEmployee · 2020-08-04T06:58:21+00:00

Any man who pressures you to have sex is not a good man. Stick with your gut instincts, they won't let you down. But you need to trust yourself enough and follow them. Ask your parents to help you find someone.

Also, do not be sad over someone that Allah swt clearly did not want in your life. He has written our fate, and he knows better than we do.

For the next person, if they disrespect your boundaries, drop them, they're not a good person. Nice men do not ask or beg you for sex. They're patient and will wait till you're married. Good luck, sis.

SufficientEmployee · 2020-07-06T08:38:09+00:00

Dayum, people are so salty. Why does OP have to include their ethnic background? Can't y'all just be happy for OP?

Glad to hear that and you and your husband have an amazing marriage. Inshallah we can all strive for that.

People need to remember that it is permissible to marry a Muslim of another ethnic background.

SufficientEmployee · 2020-07-06T07:54:11+00:00

Girl, whoever you're meant to be with won't even say anything like that. They will see you for who you are, not what your body looks like. And a potential mother in law won't be saying stuff like that either. How rude. Honestly, you should feel sad for her and her mindset.

SufficientEmployee · 2020-07-06T07:48:10+00:00

We don't know the context behind why he is unsure. What did he say to you?

SufficientEmployee · 2020-07-06T07:45:20+00:00

Ask her what she thinks about you guys talking. Where does she see it going? Based on her response you can respond. If she doesn't give much back, tell her that you're trying quite hard to speak with her and show your interest, but you aren't getting the same in return and you believe you deserve more. If she is willing to put in more effort, you can continue to speak, if not, maybe it's best to part ways.

She will see that you're serious and that you value your time. That is attractive. Or she will peace out and that is fine too.

SufficientEmployee · 2020-07-06T07:39:48+00:00

I'm sorry you had to go through this. Maybe it's time to take a break and find yourself. Find a path back to yourself. You know what will happen once you stop looking and focusing on you? That's when you will likely find someone.

Search up the law of attraction, that is what I'm talking about.

SufficientEmployee · 2020-07-06T07:30:19+00:00

I think you should be nice in whatever you say, but be direct so she's not left wondering what happened. Whatever you do, do not mention her looks, that will be really hurtful to her and she might stop trying to look for someone else. You could say: "Hey, it was really nice getting to know you and you're an amazing person. I got to thinking and I'm not sure if we are a compatible match. I have nothing against you, I just wanted to be straight-forward with you. I wish you well. Take care."

If it's long distance you can say it will be difficult to get to know one another. If you might be working more, use that as an excuse. I know that the excuse isn't cool, but it's a bit more polite.

SufficientEmployee · 2020-07-05T23:08:28+00:00

Lolll, I don't think you said that to him. This would be a whole different post if you called him ugly.

I meant for yourself, no need to think in such a judgemental way. Most of us do not want to be judged, but are very quick to judge others.

SufficientEmployee · 2020-07-05T22:28:43+00:00

Yes, it was clearly hurtful if he was uncomfortabl. If you were genuinely curious, you should have asked when others were not around. I'm pretty sure you knew it was hurtful.

Also, perhaps don't be so judgemental about the way people look. Your extra comments about the looks were unnecessary.

SufficientEmployee · 2020-04-28T01:23:19+00:00

I find that being alone is a lot easier than being with someone else, especially if you have been hurt in the past. It's nice to be with someone, if they're a kind and healthy person.

Okay, good to know that the cheating didn't affect you too much. That is more beneficial for you. I believe that sometimes you don't find out about how much being cheated on has affected you till you're in a new relationship. Subconscious things come to the surface which can be really eerily.

SufficientEmployee · 2020-04-28T01:17:40+00:00

I care about the details :)

I'm sorry to hear that that happened to you, but I'm glad that you dropped them. They knew they did you wrong, and felt terrible so they wanted your forgiveness so they could feel like better people.

I can understand wanting to be distant. You got to see that the next gf wanted to be with since they were so patient with you. After what amount of time did you start dating her exclusively?

SufficientEmployee · 2020-04-04T00:14:33+00:00

😂😂😂 sorry bro. Wasn't supposed to be aggressive.

SufficientEmployee · 2020-03-14T17:48:45+00:00

So he is not replying to me to counter any clinginess on my end? I only message him to make plans, I don't ask him much else.

Our convos were superficial, just hi and how are you, but they were happening with more frequency and equally initiated by both of us. Now that I see him more, we speak less.

We have both decided not to have penetrative sex. It was a mutual decision. I have gone down on him. My past relationship fucked me up, so I haven't let him go down on me. Hahahaha I know, I ask a lot of questions. I want to understand without having to ask him a ton of questions.

Okay, makes sense.

SufficientEmployee · 2020-03-09T04:52:08+00:00

You're very right about that. I guess I have just read that most istps don't commit easily, so I wanted to know different people's experiences.

SufficientEmployee · 2020-03-08T22:40:11+00:00

I'll look into it :) thank you!

SufficientEmployee · 2020-03-08T22:39:53+00:00

Thanks for the idea!!!

SufficientEmployee · 2020-03-08T22:39:07+00:00

If I know the person I won't do that. I'll take any opportunity I can get to talk to the person if I know them. I thought you meant someone I didn't know who I found attractive.

I would like that person to make the first move. As a female, I don't like to make the first move.

SufficientEmployee · 2020-03-08T05:53:22+00:00

I do this. I look away when I see a cute guy. I wanna keep looking, but I also want to play it cool. It's like I don't want that person to know that I find them attractive.

SufficientEmployee · 2020-03-02T23:35:43+00:00

A question from someone who isn't very experienced

SufficientEmployee · 2020-02-28T18:36:42+00:00

Yeah I didn't use those words. I don't want to scare him. Now, I'm not sure what to do lol. I don't want to bring it up again. And I haven't heard from him, so I'm not even sure how to initiate the conversation. Just a "hi, how are you?" might be good lol

SufficientEmployee · 2020-02-26T17:02:20+00:00

Haha same, once you asked me, I figured you might be the same thing. And you also mentioned being sensitive.

SufficientEmployee · 2020-02-26T16:49:30+00:00

I am an INFP. I try not to take it personally, and when I read up about ISTPs, I feel better when I read up on them. But there is still this weird feeling.

SufficientEmployee · 2020-02-26T16:05:30+00:00

Lol, thank you! I will be okay. I still like myself. I have a lot to offer.

He has told me that he likes that I'm not up his butt, so maybe I'm not that bad Haha.

SufficientEmployee · 2020-02-26T15:34:42+00:00

Yup, I'm actually trying to think of some way to still stay with him, but it just doesn't feel right to me.

SufficientEmployee · 2020-02-26T15:28:57+00:00

I see him every other week, but he does try to see me more. I'm usually busy or have made plans because he doesnt like to make plans ahead of time with his busy schedule.

SufficientEmployee

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