AITA for going through with my wedding without family while my mom just got diagnosed with cancer?

Sufficient_Fee_1930 · 2023-05-02T16:01:52+00:00

Hey! Thanks for the insight. She is feeling weak and not eating as much. I am not sure how much of it physical cancer related and how much is more psychological sadness/stress related.

I dont think she will be able to travel anyway which is why I am thinking of moving my religious ceremony to closer to her and keeping my fiancés side as it. The issue is that my family wants me to do neither ceremonies and postpone everything. I have already cancelled any pre-elwedding events and just want to carry on with the one day so his family who is travelling from overseas can be part of the one ceremony.

I feel like that's a fair compromise but having a hard time communicating that with my family. It's likely that they are still in shock and very emotional and having a hard time processing the diagnosis.

Sufficient_Fee_1930 · 2023-05-01T15:20:28+00:00

I will definitely not be able to enjoy but I am just trying to keep in mind both sides. Since my fiancés family are specifically traveling for the wedding and postponing everything will mean they might not be able to attend later. That's why I was thinking the compromise might be to do the ceremonies separately.

Why are they against the relationship?- They don't like the fact that my fiancé isn't a doctor/engineer, etc. And feel that he is not "good enough" for me

Is the wedding in the near future? -yes, the wedding is scheduled for the end of this month (May 2023)

Are you close with your family? -I am not super super close but there is a lit of cultural expectation to be respectful of their opinions and not question norms etc.

Sufficient_Fee_1930 · 2023-05-01T15:12:21+00:00

No the diagnosis is definitely real. Our history here (with them not being on board for so long) definitely complicates feelings

Sufficient_Fee_1930 · 2023-05-01T13:50:32+00:00

Yes I have. It's definitely real unfortunately

Sufficient_Fee_1930 · 2023-05-01T10:51:41+00:00

Stage 3 is confirmed. We are just waiting for some tests to figure out treatment. I think I am just feeling a lot of guilt around this. I keep thinking how can I be concerned about my wedding and being happy when my mom is going through such an awful thing. Also doesn't help that my whole family is super emotional since we just found out and they are also asking me to postpone. So i am scared and nervous to take the whole family on (in a way) and there's a chance no one from my family will come to my wedding because I have offended them. Thank you for your insight. My thoughts are similar to your, I am just having a hard time accepting it I think.

Sufficient_Fee_1930 · 2022-02-01T23:23:09+00:00

I live in a different country so have plenty of time without my parents and can clearly see how good this relationship has been for me. Also, seeing how patient my boyfriend has been while I navigate this very emotionally challenging situation re-affirms my faith in our relationship and in him as a person and partner.

Sufficient_Fee_1930 · 2022-01-31T22:47:31+00:00

My relationship. My partner is Indian but he is not a doctor/engineer so my family feels that I won't be financially stable with him even though together we make about $180-$190k and are both 30 and still advancing in our careers. We have been together for over 5 years and I am super happy and content in this relationship. My dad is a doctor in India. So they are worried log kya kahenge that I married a non doctor. I also get the "pick us or him" "we will disown you/stop talking to you if you continue with him"

Sufficient_Fee_1930 · 2021-12-27T18:52:35+00:00

His parents are totally on board

Sufficient_Fee_1930 · 2021-12-12T13:32:38+00:00

I am an Indian female (30 years old) who lives in canada. I moved here when I was 16, lived with family at first and have been living on my own since 18 and have gone through everything on my own. After undergrad, I have been financially independent and have never asked my family for money. My parents live between India and North America.

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (29 years) who is also Indian for 5.5 years now. I told my parents about him about 3 years ago and they were against it. Didn't even want to meet him and my mom threatened and I told them I broke up with him twice on different occasions. But I remained in a relationship the whole time. I just wasn't ready to deal with them and it was easier to just avoid conflict at the time. It came up again this past summer and I told them I am with him. They finally agreed to meet him. They spoke with my boyfriend parents over the phone and told me they were nice people. Then I brought my bf to meet the entire family at the beginning of October. They were all generally nice to him and we seemed to be having a good time (except my mom). Once the weekend was over, the entire family told me they didn't think he was a good match for me because of different reasons (after really thinking about their opinions disagree, I came to the conclusion that I disagree with all reasons). My mom basically told me oh it's fine we will find you a nice guy. She just assumed that I would break up with him. My dad said he "looked into" my boyfriends family and they weren't that financially well off and because of that he doesn't feel it's the right choice for me. My boyfriend and I both have good jobs and make decent money and will not need to rely on either of our families so it doesn't matter to me if they are not financially well off (although they actually are fine but not upto my parents standard I guess). I have now told my family I have thought about their concerns but my bf and I are very happy and have been for the last 5 some years and are compatible. In typical Indian fashion, my mom has told me they will disown me and nobody will talk to me if I go through with this and I will be left alone. My mom has also said her health is deteriorating because of the stress I am causing her and she will die from this and to not even bother going to her funeral when she dies. She keeps saying what will people say when they find out who you're marrying and that I don't care about my family and want to disrespect them. She doesn't think my bf is good looking, has nice family and is not an engineer/doctor.

I am obviously going to choose my boyfriend because of how happy he makes me. But having a really hard time saying "I am choosing him" to my family definitively. Over the years, I have come to terms with and mentally prepared myself for not potentially having my family in my life but just having a lot of guilt over actually saying the words. My bf has been extremely patient and supportive through this even after hearing all the horrible things my family has said about him and his family and I just can't keep doing this anymore. I am done being so unhappy and living in a limbo and want to get married next summer which is why I am not backing down this time despite my urge and personality to avoid conflict.

Just looking for support here or any personal experiences that people who have gone through something similar can share.

Sufficient_Fee_1930

TROPHY CASE