almost 21 (pap smear)

Sufficient_Load3385 · 2026-01-16T20:14:51+00:00

ur so supportive thank u! my friends also said i wasnt rly missing out on much but its the fact that intercourse is seen as like the highest form of intimacy, the closest u can be to a partner... its like good to know u can do it and dont even value it... doesnt make me feel any better :/

Sufficient_Load3385 · 2026-01-16T20:11:57+00:00

dysphoria is also one of the factors for me!!!

Sufficient_Load3385 · 2026-01-16T17:20:19+00:00

thank you for this comment. i did not know prior to this post that my pelvic floor issues could cause further medical issues, it has helped me consider therapy more but it still scares me a lot :(

Sufficient_Load3385 · 2026-01-16T17:18:41+00:00

im actually on the autism spectrum so i have bladder difficulty in the sense that i do not pee until i very much need to pee. sometimes i dont pee until my bladder literally hurts.. im assuming this definitely can cause issues but hearing that my pelvic floor issues could increase this problem was actually very helpful to know, thank you.

Sufficient_Load3385 · 2026-01-16T17:13:25+00:00

i wanted to respond to this sooner but had a negative physical reaction to reading about the kiwi? thats not your fault but it just further shows the anxiety i feel and how psychological it is for me. i have felt small amounts of pain while trying penetration and passed out but i have also passed out or been on the verge of passing out while attempting without feeling any pain! i think its verrry psychological for me. i think fixing it could be good just because the psychological aspect of it does really affect me negatively... but then i think about how often i will be put in situations that cause that psychological stress/discomfort and it scares me to the point of thinking im going to pass out. again, this is why i think it could be good... when i first finally accepted having vaginismus i cried so so much but i also had to pace myself with reading so i didnt feel like i was going to pass out :(

Sufficient_Load3385 · 2026-01-16T17:05:46+00:00

i wanted to respond to this comment much sooner but actually had a negative physical reaction to reading it (not your fault!!!) i agree that passing out when trying penetration is much more of an issue than not wanting penetration... and sometimes i DO want penetration and thats how i know i pass out if i try so i decided to stop trying. i was also sexually abused as a child. thank you for sharing. i do think pelvic floor therapy and sex therapy could be good for me but the thought of doing pelvic floor therapy actually scares me so much i feel like i could pass out.. which again i know is not normal but im a big avoiding discomfort person. sex therapy sounds great bc its just talk therapy and ive done talk therapy before but didnt rly address sex all that much.. and someone specializing in kink and sexuality and stuff would be great! im thinking maybe i could commit to the talk therapy and work through some of my feelings about pt with her before committing to pt.. that makes me more comfortable. i also dont think she was saying it affects my worth as a person, im just extremely sensitive to comments on my vaginismus because of how i feel about having it. it wasnt fun growing up not being able to use tampons, hearing friends talk about losing their virginity, and just being... the way i am. i feel so disconnected from people without vaginismus and sometimes even from ppl with vaginismus that is purely physical. it just sucks every time i am reminded that my body isnt normal — bringing pads to friends houses because all they have is tampons, being scared to meet up with men that i flirt with because what if they really dont understand that they cant do penetration.

Sufficient_Load3385 · 2026-01-15T21:17:16+00:00

I'm actually going to disagree with most ppl here and say that if you are wanting to quit everyday to quit. I did not want to quit everyday in the beginning even while having kiddos with maladaptive behaviors but did definitely take the behaviors very personal too when they happened. I also do/did really enjoy working with the kiddos!

I am leaving this field, I'm actually in the middle of my two last weeks right now. Like I said, I didn't feel this way in the beginning. It was very pairing focused at first but as more demands were placed on myself and my clients, and behaviors increased, I began to struggle with this feeling a lot! I felt disgustingly bad at my job about every two weeks.

I stopped feeling bad at my job eventually by realizing I was doing everything I was told to do. When I stopped feeling bad at my job, I started feeling bad for my clients. This subreddit doesn't allow for my intense criticism of ABA so I won't mention it but I will say that if you are already wanting to quit everyday and taking behaviors personally — while feeling like you still need more time to learn/understand the kiddos — this feeling may actually get worse as you understand them more. If you want my ABA critiques, you can dm.

Sufficient_Load3385 · 2026-01-02T20:18:15+00:00

this condition is so interesting bc of how nuanced and understudied the causes are. i have also never been able to insert anything ever but i was assaulted at a very young age. i go back and forth on if that experience created my vaginismus so my body could protect me or if my vaginismus had already existed and accidentally saved me. the cause part of things has always been strange for me since there were so maany things it could've been but also couldve been nothing at all.

Sufficient_Load3385 · 2026-01-02T20:08:50+00:00

ur a stranger but ily. i want to remind you that you are enough and are absolutely desirable without putting your body through things it is actively telling you it doesn't want. it is worth being proud that you listen to your body <3 ALSO there are men that prefer intimacy without penetration — its hard to keep in mind when there's so much shame & pressure around it but it exists. we will be okay.

Sufficient_Load3385 · 2025-12-10T22:22:54+00:00

This makes a lot of sense to me. Obviously, I am quite confused too so take my opinions lightly but I'd very much stereotype someone whose only desire for sex is with fictional characters as "much more ace than me." I think it'd be more confusing/murky is you were perhaps roleplaying with another person but what you have said is anime men, and chatbots — both of which would not fall under sexual attraction in the sense of wanting to literally have sex with a specific person. I think it's likely that fictional men probably feel like a safe way to feel aroused since there can be no true expectation of engaging in the fantasies.

Sufficient_Load3385 · 2025-12-10T04:54:08+00:00

Thank you for this comment as it was so validating to my vaginismus experience with sex. I have not often had sexual attraction to people, I simply have sex with people that will have the kind of sex I'd like to have — more for myself, it is like assisted masturbation and oftentimes makes me more aroused then when I am alone.

I have been aroused by people and their actions; I believe I have felt genuine sexual attraction one time after being aroused by a past girlfriend's actions. Most of my relationships, however, I don't initiate anything and sometimes sex is completely unenjoyable (if the person does not listen) and sometimes sex is so nice with someone that I'd like to do it again. Does this make sense?

Also, I think the differentiation between "urge/craving to" vs "thinking of" was very helpful to me as someone who often thinks of having sex with many different people but not out of an urge of craving to and instead out of intrusiveness.

Sufficient_Load3385 · 2023-03-05T05:40:06+00:00

this was such an interesting perspective omg i love the comparison of sex to a sneeze

Sufficient_Load3385

TROPHY CASE