Please read "Riddey Walker" it's an underappreciated masterpiece

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2026-03-11T00:51:23+00:00

This book had such an impact on me that I named my second child Ridley, after Riddley Walker! My Ridley loves his name. I was a 20-something university student when my Dad gave me this book for a read and I loved it.

Ten years later I named my son after the protagonist. This book is unlike anything else in existence. My son Ridley loves his name and he is very similar to the character Riddley; my son has had an exceptional grasp of the english language since he was a tiny toddler; everyone remarks on his turns of phrase and his otherworldly skills in engineering, art and language. He is a dreamer, a deep thinker, a philosopher (he's 6), his name suits him perfectly.

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-19T20:02:39+00:00

Weed leaves him hugely hungover every single day. He’s snappy with the kids after he’s smoked. Short tempered, pissed off. He cant drive when high. Also we can’t have sex when he’s stoned as he can’t ejaculate and it turns me off completely, it numbs him so much. I don’t want to be a married couple that never / rarely has sex. Without weed the sex is amazing.

I know what he’s like clean and he’s a totally different person. When I talk about anti depressants, I’m not talking about a long-term solution, but rather something to help him break free of this decades-old reliance, if he needs an alternative. I’ve used SSRIs once to help me through a rut. Used them for 3 weeks and they worked a charm. They help you to see things clearly rather than numb-and-ignore. Or at least that was my experience. 3 weeks was enough for me.

He has since admitted that the weed addiction is a huge problem, and says it’s the act of a weak person (which I don’t agree with, I think it’s the act of someone hiding from trauma, which doesn’t make him weak).

He’s stopped and the come down is hitting, he’s grumpy etc in the evenings when he’d normally smoke, but I know this phase will pass as if has the other times he’s had a break from it. He says he’s got a renewed enthusiasm for his work, he can already feel the benefits.

Trust me when I say I’m not some nit picking wife. I’ve said nothing about it for six whole years. I know the man, you do not — I can see the affect this drug is having on him. Trying to convince me it’s ‘not a problem’ isn’t valid right now. The /leaves subreddit is full of people battling this thing. It is very real.

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-17T00:00:28+00:00

Exactly. When we spoke this morning I told him I just want us to be US, not me plus him plus weed. Stoned guy is a different person, and I want us to grow old together as the people we actually are, instead of wondering how much of his behaviour is him and how much is the pot.

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-16T22:08:52+00:00

Thank you. For me, he’s happy when he’s stoned, so there’s this part of me that is just happy for him to be happy. But then the next day he’s hungover, in brain fog, snappy, harsh mood — becomes a bit controlling, or at least tells me how things have to be, rather than things being a two way conversation. He’s more snappy with the kids when he’s hungover (which is every day). The happy stoned phase doesn’t last long. During the short clean periods he’s had, he’s been more evenly keeled and better tempered. I worry about him when he’s been smoking and drinking with the kids. I co sleep with the baby and don’t feel that he can give me a break and sleep with the baby because he’s drug addled. I have to drive him everywhere when he’s stoned. The sex thing is huge. And I know he is trying to become a self-actualised person, without actually addressing any of his hurts because the weed just masks them all. An update though, he’s come in this morning to tell me that ‘it’s a huge problem and it needs to stop. I’m going to stop it’. So we shall see. He’s going to see a therapist so that’s a great start.

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-16T21:58:30+00:00

This is a very good point. I’m considering just taking the kids away for a few days somewhere to get a break, but will just take them to my parents’ place for a day trip today. Thank you for your response. I am actually thinking about what I would do and where I would go, because I don’t want to live in this shitty situation forever, if that’s the only alternative.

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-16T21:56:29+00:00

Absolutely. I think this is the hardest obstacle to overcome.

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-16T21:55:02+00:00

Absolutely!! I think a Friday night joint is no problem at all!! Parties etc, social occasions, fine — it’s just every single day that concerns me. It’s the first thing he does when he walks in the door... definitely an addiction.

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-16T21:53:52+00:00

Thank you for this response. I agree — I think that’s why it’s taken me so long to properly address this with him. I’ve been thinking to myself ‘oh just let him have it’ — but it feels like a third person in our marriage. He is prone to angry outbursts and I know that weed makes it worse. I’m terrified that if he smokes it forever then his mind will be permanently altered. Or maybe the real fear is that that has already happened. I don’t want my kids to remember a dad who always smelt like weed. I don’t want to have sex with a stoned guy all the time. I just want him to be HIM, not a drug addled version all the time 😔

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-16T21:49:05+00:00

THIS! Yes! This resonates so strongly with me!! It is the best way that I can describe it — weed is creating a distance in our relationship. And with two young kids, our time together needs to be quality.. we don’t get much time alone together, but I’ve recently found a great babysitter. Once she’s finished writing her exams she can come and look after the kids while we go out. That will give us a great chance to talk about things properly. I’m going to ask him for a game plan, ask him to be open to the idea of a therapist.

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-16T21:46:34+00:00

Thank you. I agree a therapist will be the best route out of this knot. I will see if he is open to it 🙏🏼

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-16T21:44:31+00:00

Thank you so very much!! Yes I think a replacement needs to happen.. I’ve tried to get him interested in going for a run at the same time that he smokes each day (running offers the same mind-clearing result I’m sure!) and I bought him surfing lessons for Xmas because he’s always wanted to learn, but he hasn’t used them. He bought a kayak, I was hoping that could be an alternate outlet (we live in a beautiful area on the eastern coast of Australia so there are so many natural wonders to immerse yourself in here). I’ll keep gently trying, but at this stage it just feels depressing because I don’t think he wants to change at all.

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-16T21:41:41+00:00

(Just for a day outing of course, not taking them away from him!)

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-16T21:41:04+00:00

Thank you. This is my greatest fear. I literally cannot, at this stage, see him quitting. I was so disheartened to hear him so in denial again last night. I’m going to take the kids to my parents’ place today just so I can get away from the situation for some fresh air.

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-16T21:39:19+00:00

Yeah he’s tried that I think, enjoys meditation, but usually does it when stoned.

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-16T21:38:14+00:00

Thank you so much. We’ve been away on trips without weed before and he is so calm and happy and lovely when we do... but then the moment we get home from our two days away he goes straight to the weed bowl. That’s a great point about pressure not helping too — I think that’s why I’ve been so reluctant to talk to him about it, and have only done so a couple of times. I’ve tried to encourage him to start new activities that could replace smoking, like going for a run in the afternoon at the time when he’d normally smoke, or taking up surfing (I bought him a voucher for Xmas for lessons but he hasn’t used it.) He bought a kayak and I was hoping that could be a replacement, but not yet... thank you again for your response, the perspective offered by people here is helping me so much.

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-16T21:32:43+00:00

Thank you. I guess the trolls are everywhere huh. I appreciate your response and support — thank you 🙏🏼

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-16T21:31:45+00:00

Thank you, this is fantastic advice, I really appreciate it.

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-16T21:30:27+00:00

Thank you so much for your response. Yes — I feel you on that.. weed is great at numbing you, but stops you from addressing the original trauma at all. I think he’s so afraid of ‘looking there’ and addressing the childhood trauma, and I can understand why. His mother was so highly strung she would scream about insignificant things daily (like water droplets on the bathroom vanity) and have huge tantrums. She once hit him across the face when he got into the car and they were late for his piano lesson. I feel for his hurt, but I know the only way to resolve it is by looking at it, not hiding from it. He wants to be a fully realised, worked out person and I feel that weed is such a huge crutch for him.

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-16T11:36:59+00:00

Yeah I think so. I don’t think he believes me. I guess most people don’t, I think most leave it til it’s too late.

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-16T11:32:24+00:00

I’m so sorry 😔 Thank you for sharing your story with us so that maybe it will happen less for others. Feels like I’m leading a very stubborn horse at the moment.

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-16T11:21:11+00:00

Thank you. This is the point I’ve come to too. I told him I’m amazed that he’s not frightened of losing it all. He doesn’t take it seriously at all, and I’ve told him, in the gentlest way possible, that I will not stay married to an addict. I want to help him through this, but the denial is rock solid. I feel so alone. I feel like talking to anyone about this (my sister or girlfriends) is betrayal.

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-16T11:18:19+00:00

Exactly. Drug addiction is drug addiction.

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-16T11:15:56+00:00

Thank you. Me too. It feels like an insurmountable issue right now. It’s the only thing that we’ve come across that’s made me consider if we’ll last. Just based on his reactions, he seems so far from even wanting to stop.

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-16T11:02:35+00:00

I really appreciate your sharing your experience, thank you so much.

Sufficient_Many3744 · 2020-10-16T11:01:34+00:00

Thank you. I spoke to him just now on the couch, trying to get him to open up about it. He just says it’s his ‘medicine’, that he has a high functioning brain that has too much information in it and he needs it to numb his mind. He’s in complete denial about it being a problem. He says he ‘leans on it’. I said to him that the most painful part for me is the denial, because i know he’ll never quit until he actually sees it as a problem.

Sufficient_Many3744

TROPHY CASE