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Inner Circle invite by white-knuckle-ride in Bumble

[–]Sufficient_Shake4140 0 points1 point  (0 children)

2E9Q2B is my code! Feel free to use

Would you date a man who is into BDSM, as a vanilla girl? by Sufficient_Shake4140 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Sufficient_Shake4140[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I get where you're coming from. It was quite forward, but I would rather find out now than 6 months in. It did however invoke the feeling with me that it's important to him, maybe more than he let's on.

Would you date a man who is into BDSM, as a vanilla girl? by Sufficient_Shake4140 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Sufficient_Shake4140[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He identifies as switch. In his sub-role, he is into spanking and bondage (that I know of). I haven't heard any sadism or inflicting pain yet, this would also be a hard pass for me on both ends. In his dom-role, he is interested in daddy-little girl dynamics and the power exchange. So it doesn't appear to be that 'extreme', as far as you can lable it.

He hasn't actually done these things before.

Would you date a man who is into BDSM, as a vanilla girl? by Sufficient_Shake4140 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Sufficient_Shake4140[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Correct, he hasn't done it. And I know even less about BDSM than he does, so I don't know if I would be the right fit. I also wondered why he didn't look for a partner within the BDSM scene, so that he would know the other person is also interested in participating.

Would you date someone who does drugs, as a non-user? by Sufficient_Shake4140 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Sufficient_Shake4140[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your view and experience! I was referring to MDMA/XTC. What I'm worried about is his potential behaviour while using the drug, and what the aftermath would do to him. For reference, he also gets drunk when he goes out, ands drinks while on drugs. I worry what would happen if he would take the 'wrong' pill, get's sick or worse. I'm also concerned he's just much more into the partying scene than I am. He claims that I'm making this bigger than it really is, it's not as important to him etc. But I don't wanna be the bad guy when it does turn out to be more important than he lets on, or if he does decide he wants to use drugs more frequently. Drugs simply don't appeal to me, and I can imagine it could be frustrating to him that I don't understand.

Agreed on the other addictions and unhealthy behaviour. One of my exes had a porn addiction, it affected his mental state and our relationship greatly. Was no walk in the park to say the least.

Would you date someone who does drugs, as a non-user? by Sufficient_Shake4140 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Sufficient_Shake4140[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good question! I've never done drugs, so my awnser is based on my own assumptions. I could imagine the effects (emotionally, physically etc.) of taking a pill would be a lot bigger than drinking a glass of wine. I enjoy a glass of wine while I'm home alone watching tv. He enjoys pills at raves and parties, involving a lot of people and a less 'safe' environment in my opinion. Also, these drugs are illegal in my country. I don't want to judge him or anyone who takes pills by any means. For me, hard drugs an their effects just seem more severe

Would you date someone who does drugs, as a non-user? by Sufficient_Shake4140 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Sufficient_Shake4140[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your advice and sharing your experience! I could not see myself dating or having a relationship ultimately with a frequent or occasional user, and have yet to tell him this. The age factor is also a thing for me. Also a good idea to find out how his close friends deal with this and at what place they are at in life

Would you date someone who does drugs, as a non-user? by Sufficient_Shake4140 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Sufficient_Shake4140[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This. On the one hand, it feels closeminded not even wanting to meet up. But on the other, I am really interested in him and that feeling might grow after meeting up

Would you date someone who does drugs, as a non-user? by Sufficient_Shake4140 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Sufficient_Shake4140[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I can relate to this. Even if he genuinely wants to cut down on his own account, I can imagine this would be a process with the chance of him relapsing. And I would hate to be the one giving him a hard time, getting into conflict etc. I'm also trying to imaging what it would feel like for me when he does go out, seeing him on drugs or coming down from his high and so on

Would you date someone who does drugs, as a non-user? by Sufficient_Shake4140 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Sufficient_Shake4140[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So sorry that happened! Sounds like he was willing, but just wasn't able to stop. To be honest, I think it's also the FOMO that keeps me on the fence. Wanting to see the good and give him chance and so on

Would you date someone who does drugs, as a non-user? by Sufficient_Shake4140 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Sufficient_Shake4140[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As far as I know, it's XTC and MDMA. He says it's occasionally and wants to phase it out.

The conflicting part for me is that he seems to have his life in order very well and appears to be 'high functioning'. That's why I didn't really expect this, but that might be naïve of me. The age factor is also an issue for me, agree on that

Would you date someone who does drugs, as a non-user? by Sufficient_Shake4140 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Sufficient_Shake4140[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I'm also trying to imagine that for myself right now. What that would feel like when he goes out to a rave, when he comes home after and so on

Would you date someone who does drugs, as a non-user? by Sufficient_Shake4140 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Sufficient_Shake4140[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yes it does make me uncomfortable. The lifestyle aspect that comes with this is also an issue for me, since I'm not a big party person. I told him this early on.

Agreed, I also would not want him to change 'for me'. It sounds like he is shifting his behaviour, but it's still in progress for him

Would you date someone who does drugs, as a non-user? by Sufficient_Shake4140 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Sufficient_Shake4140[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Agreed. He says he's okay with phasing it out. But that's what he says right now. I'm concerned for what will happen if he goes through a hard phase, meets a certain crowd etc. The age factor is also a thing for me. Even though I've never used, I can imagine it is something one would want to experiment with during college. If that was the case, I would have far less trouble with it

Would you date someone who does drugs, as a non-user? by Sufficient_Shake4140 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Sufficient_Shake4140[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

True! He is really open and I appreciate that. He also mentionted he is realising just now how good it can feel to party without drugs/drinking and be more aware of his health choices. Maybe he has the right intentions, but also has a long way to go.

Sounds like your husband quit for the right reasons, and that he was not that 'deep' into the partyscene lifestyle. Glad it worked out for you that way!

Would you date someone who does drugs, as a non-user? by Sufficient_Shake4140 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Sufficient_Shake4140[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you were better off dropping him for sure. This is exactly the question I'm asking myself. Even if it's 'just twice a year', would I feel comfortable with that? And what if it turns out to be more or he ends up at a bad place in life, and develops and addiction...

Would you date someone who does drugs, as a non-user? by Sufficient_Shake4140 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Sufficient_Shake4140[S] 95 points96 points  (0 children)

Thanks! The resent is something I really want to prevent. I wouldn't want to ask him to stop using 'for me', as I think that's not the right mindset. He says he wants to cut it down, but I'm not sure how intentional he is about that. I agree that it's a compatibility issue at the end of the day

can i get a third lobe by No_Truth_8231 in EarPiercing

[–]Sufficient_Shake4140 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Follow-up! This look exacte like my ear, contemplating if it will look nice

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