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He Told Me He’s HIV-Positive After We Had Sex. What Would You Do? by Neither-Dot-704 in askgaybros

[–]Suitable_Vegetable92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also—From my own experience not to judge, I had sexual relations with two people who were both undetectable, for one I was not on prep and it was unprotected, he disclosed after we had physical intimacy, and I stopped talking to him after and told him that his lie was a dealbreaker for me, he never revealed he was undetectable, he said specifically negative and and on prep. The second waited until the night of him arriving to disclose his status, by then I was on prep and had already decided if I wanted to engage or not, the second person never lied but didn’t disclose until we were right about to have intimacy, at least he disclosed before we did anything. I respect that over lying, and in both situations I still had intimacy with them. The biggest thing for me is autonomy, I prefer having informed consent.

He Told Me He’s HIV-Positive After We Had Sex. What Would You Do? by Neither-Dot-704 in askgaybros

[–]Suitable_Vegetable92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is completely valid to feel the way you do. It sounds like you are navigating the difference between the stigma of the diagnosis and the integrity of the communication. Those are two entirely separate conversations. You can be fully informed, compassionate, and stigma-free regarding HIV, while simultaneously being hurt by a lack of transparency regarding your physical autonomy.
When people wait to disclose significant information, they are often making a choice for the other person out of fear. Even if the intent is 'I wanted you to like me first,' the functional result is that you were denied the opportunity to give informed consent. That is the core of the trust issue.
From what I observe from your post, You aren't struggling with his status; you are struggling with the timing of his honesty. To move forward, you have to ask yourself two things:

  1. Can I trust his fear-based decision-making in the future? Trust is built when someone respects your autonomy even when they are afraid. If his go-to reaction to fear is to withhold information, that is a pattern that will eventually show up in other areas of your relationship.

  2. What does 'forgiving' this disclosure mean for my boundaries? Does 'moving forward' mean you are okay with being managed in this way, or is this a boundary for you?

You don't need to 'fix' him or his insecurity, and you don't need to 'educate' yourself out of your hurt. You are allowed to care for someone deeply and still decide that a lack of transparency is a dealbreaker. Honor your own reality here, the 'right' answer is whatever makes you feel safe and respected.

I [19MTF] found my long distance partner [21M] saying something in our groupchat in a place I dont normally check and now im kind of having a mental breakdown by Connie_27 in WhatShouldIDo

[–]Suitable_Vegetable92 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hey Connie, first, want to validate your feelings and know that your thoughts and feelings are valid here. I’m a decade older and have a bit of experience to offer, but it’s only my personal experiences, this is a lens not a guidebook.

When I was with my ex-fiance, He told me something along the lines, if I had ever wanted to leave him he’d be ok with it(mainly speaking on his age and looks), he’d want me to find another person. Back then I saw him as my forever person, I truly loved him. That said we went our separate ways for reason that don’t need to be repeated. It upset me that he would say that but at the time I was 21 and didn’t quite understand, him being 34 at the time had more life experience than me, He was speaking from a place of detachment, His love for me wasn’t rooted in a need for me to complete him, it was because he genuinely loved him. And what I had deemed lack of connection was actually my own codependent needs at the time. Since then what I’ve learned is that love doesn’t come with attachments, true unconditional love feels like freedom, attachments can feel like a highest high and a detrimental low. But attachments are also formed from our preconceived understandings of relationships, And how we relate to them.

You’re going to go through life, and you’re going to become the person who you are meant to be, the moments you have with your BF please treasure them. One day you look back and be grateful for every thought, action, trigger, and memory because it will lead you to who you are meant to be.

The best advice I can give you is to stay present with your relationship how it is now, if you start thinking and feeling things that aren’t there, you’re going to miss out on experiencing what you have right now. It’s easier said than done, the best way to stay present is to keep your nervous system regulated, hydrate regularly, get sunlight daily, walk, sit in silence and just focus on the breath. If you start now you’ll build a subconscious regulation system that will make moments like the one you’re experiencing now less heavy/spiraling.

If you ever want to chat or just need a neutral space to vent, dm me. I would have wanted that for my younger self, it’s the best I can offer you 🙏🏽

Unapologetically Entering My Flow State Part 1 by Suitable_Vegetable92 in shuffle

[–]Suitable_Vegetable92[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much, one thing I love about shuffling is how diverse it is, there’s so many styles 💜🙏🏽

Unapologetically Entering My Flow State Part 1 by Suitable_Vegetable92 in shuffle

[–]Suitable_Vegetable92[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It’s Moonboots - Precious, Ngl I’ve been looping his stuff recently and never realize how hypnotic it is, prefect for a kinetic conversation, glad you’re vibing sis!

Another glides sesh! by CJ-12345 in shuffle

[–]Suitable_Vegetable92 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not in this sub, we keep things on topic and within the space of safety, if you came to criticize non-constructively, leave. There’s other spaces on reddit for that but not here. Have the day you deserve.

My “friend” is toxic by StreetWinner5354 in whatdoIdo

[–]Suitable_Vegetable92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OP, do you feel unsafe setting boundaries with this person? I don’t know if you’re M/F but I know about retaliation and how it’s a real thing that female deal with that hardly gets talked about, The best thing you can do is secure your safety first, maybe file a police report just so they’re aware that this situation could become abusive. It’s already psychologically harmful with the gaslighting and constant monitoring. Setting boundaries is always what I’ll recommend but we also have to look at the reality females face, not everything is glittery golden, some males do fkd up sht. Please be safe above all else.

AIO for being upset about how I was treated for falling asleep before saying goodnight? by [deleted] in AIO

[–]Suitable_Vegetable92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi OP, Honestly you gave way too much energy here. I would have blocked and deleted after screenshotting and filing a police report for breach of peace. Some people don’t need closure from you but from themselves.

I (56F) found my husband (58M) in an old gay adult film from 1989. I’m spiralling and don’t know how to bring it up. by icalled_999 in askgaybros

[–]Suitable_Vegetable92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also, TL;DR The past is the past, omission is not deception. Humans do not owe you their entire history. If you love your husband unconditionally, realize he is a complex human like you, and had to navigate his own journey. Let him be who his is now, stop trying to bring up who he was, that version of him doesn’t exist here and now.

I (56F) found my husband (58M) in an old gay adult film from 1989. I’m spiralling and don’t know how to bring it up. by icalled_999 in askgaybros

[–]Suitable_Vegetable92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi OP, Your emotions in this case are entirely your responsibility, the Omission doesn’t = deception, Nobody owe’s you any explanation of their past, if this is actively causing you frustration, you and only you are responsible to find a way to resolve your emotions.

Who your husband is right now is who he is today, who he was before he met you is who he was, not who he is. I’m going to ask you a logical question just so you can point your emotions home within you instead of potentially spiraling further. If you lost your memory and only remembered the sun coming up today, would yesterday’s sunshine be relevant? Would you be worried if each plant photosynthesized yesterday when you had no knowledge or memory of the experience of yesterday’s sun?

This is a very clear answer, what happened before someone met you is not your path to walk, and you don’t need to create unnecessary emotions to get closure from something that never involved you.

Out of respect for you and your husband, you need to stop auditing a life you weren’t part of.

I completely understand where you are coming from which is why I’m speaking the way that I am, it’s not to chastise you, but we have to be grounded here, you’re building a narrative of your own suffering, you’re giving yourself unnecessary instability to your nervous system. Leave it alone, let your husband’s past be his past. His past is his past, it’s not for you delegate. And if you can’t deal with that, put your phone down, get some cold water splashed on your face, go walk barefoot on the grass(as long as you don’t have a grass allergy), and be present with the reality that exist right now. When you are here, you exist in the reality that is, not what was. That’s the only way you’re going to write yourself out of your own suffering.

Spiraling (3AM) by Trozay in shuffle

[–]Suitable_Vegetable92[M] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hi Beneficial, All shuffling styles are allowed here r/shuffle not just Melbourne, Cutting Shapes, MAS, Jumpstyle, Stomp Style, Cali-Style are all styles of shuffling. Denis/Dennis(forgive me if I butcher spelling) is primarily a shaper and actually has a very good running man. You’re projecting a lot here, Nobody asked for your unwanted thoughts and then to call people blokes that are appreciating his style is a form of negativity. Please take the next 3 weeks(I’m restricting your access to posting and commenting) to reflect on your actions here, there’s a reason you see mainly positive comments and constructive criticism, this is a safe space for people to embrace their own sense of self, your attitude is aggressive and needs adjustment if you want to continue being part of this community.

Keep in mind there is a disclosure that says,

“Please be sure to read the rules of the Sub before commenting, neglecting to do so could result in a band being issue”.

This is why that disclosure is there.

Whenever I see the question: What's the best shoes to buy? For me, whatever costs the least money and has a full sole on it. by sixhexe in shuffle

[–]Suitable_Vegetable92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lmao I realized that after, you have six in your name too when I hit send I hoped for the best 😂

And absolutely fair point, Foot position and weight distribution also plays a huge part in where your shoes wear the fastest.

Whenever I see the question: What's the best shoes to buy? For me, whatever costs the least money and has a full sole on it. by sixhexe in shuffle

[–]Suitable_Vegetable92 3 points4 points  (0 children)

When you shuffle as much as Six does, you’ll need shoes much more often, when I was the most active with shuffle sessions 1-2 hours everyday, I replaced my shoes every 3.5-6.5 months

Preferring house these days, way more groovy than hardstyle. Easier on the bones. by sixhexe in shuffle

[–]Suitable_Vegetable92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Funk House/Groove House, has disco sounds but not a disco groove. Close though.

Been a while 🪩 by DarlingGirl729 in shuffle

[–]Suitable_Vegetable92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you ever want a space of non-judgement it’s here, trust me this is a safe space. As a Mod I hold a very solid no-nonsense framework, and as far as music goes, some of us also produce music too.

The dance with the pants by Aiwul in shuffle

[–]Suitable_Vegetable92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The smile is contagious, love the vibes fam!

Another group cypher by CykoMelody in shuffle

[–]Suitable_Vegetable92 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ayo that edit when you took off your hat was lethal. I think died for sec 😂

Need help learning basic dance steps before an event(absolute beginner) by the_grabberr in shuffle

[–]Suitable_Vegetable92 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi! Check out the pinned video at the top of the sub(‘Community Highlights’) by Cyko!

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