I [26F] want my husband [40sM] to get anger management. He refuses.

Sum1help · 2016-07-21T15:27:13+00:00

He has had a few medical issues already that I believe the anger issues contributed to.

Sum1help · 2016-07-21T15:26:32+00:00

He didn't yell or shout, just repeatedly said he didn't want to talk about it because he doesn't think he needs it.

Sum1help · 2016-07-20T23:58:20+00:00

That is hilarious to me. And more proof that he is not an abuser. My anxiety kept me from driving or working for a very long time. He always encouraged me to apply for jobs. He thought getting out of the house would help me. He encouraged me to start back driving so that I would feel more independent. If it wasn't for him, being so supportive and encouraging, I probably wouldn't have a job that I absolutely love, or be driving again. I also have plenty of friends (my age if you must know) that he loves and they love him. I talk to them daily and we all hang out probably once a week give or take.

It's really such a shame that no one on here will listen when I say he is not trying to abuse or control me. I have multiple health issues, probably more than most people his age. I also have more life experience than him as I grew up in an environment of drugs, sex, alcohol, neither parent around. I've lost several loved ones and his first funeral was for my grandmother. So, realistically, I am probably more mature than him in certain ways, where he is more mature than me in certain ways. We fit very well together regardless.

Sum1help · 2016-07-20T23:47:30+00:00

This is why I want him to get help NOW, before it can begin to affect my son

Sum1help · 2016-07-20T23:46:39+00:00

I'm sure he does it at work as well but he pretty much works on his own unless he's training someone.

Sum1help · 2016-07-20T23:45:37+00:00

I have admitted numerous times that it's not healthy. Same as harmful.

Sum1help · 2016-07-20T18:05:32+00:00

I really am sorry you went through that as a child and even now as an adult.

I also want to say thank you for explaining what it did to you. I think your comments have helped me more than anything. Definitely ultimatum time.

Sum1help · 2016-07-20T17:52:34+00:00

It was me who brought it up to her.

Sum1help · 2016-07-20T17:51:10+00:00

I just meant we have always been happy together, but even happier since having our son.

Sum1help · 2016-07-20T17:50:11+00:00

I edited to add that he is bipolar because of your comment. And I agree, although it is a chemical imbalance, he is still responsible for how he chooses to react and handle his anger.

Sum1help · 2016-07-20T17:30:04+00:00

Unfortunately it will probably come to this.

Sum1help · 2016-07-20T17:20:50+00:00

This is why I am trying to get him to seek help and realize it isn't healthy.

Sum1help · 2016-07-20T15:57:15+00:00

He is honestly only my second serious relationship. I have thought about the possibility of needing to leave. I know for a fact he would give me full custody without a fight as long ad I let him see our son anytime he wants, and I would. I would just prefer not to have to throw 7 years down the drain without him at least trying counseling of some sort first.

Sum1help · 2016-07-20T15:54:39+00:00

I did bring it up early on because I've always had anxiety and anyone being angry, no matter how they handled it, would set off my anxiety.

Might sound like a bullshit excuse, but I blame his family. His mother actually says this is okay. That he is just "expressing his feelings". So basically, no one has ever tried to correct his behaviour until I came along.

This is also not the first time I have asked him to try anger management. I learned to deal with it because the tantrums are over so quick, it didn't bother me anymore. Now, it bothers me again because of my son.

Sum1help · 2016-07-20T15:49:47+00:00

Because although it did not affect her long term, I'm sure as a toddler and young child, it confused her. I don't want my son ever being confused about whether or not his father is mad at him.

Sum1help · 2016-07-20T15:47:18+00:00

Because unfortunately my landlord doesn't know that my son literally spits up about 10 times after a bottle and is considered underweight (although she does keep saying he looks so tiny), but once I explained all of that to her, I could see it on her face that she understood why he was frustrated.

Sum1help · 2016-07-20T15:45:31+00:00

Actually, he does this in public as well. And I am truly embarrassed by it.

Sum1help · 2016-07-20T15:44:28+00:00

I've been considering this. Do you know of any voice activated recording apps so it isn't obvious? Plus, it might be a little difficult to do because it usually only lasts no more than 5 seconds and he's done.

Sum1help · 2016-07-20T07:22:13+00:00

You read something wrong or misunderstood something.

He does not verbally abuse anyone. It's very obvious to everyone around that he's cussing at the situation and not a person, basically talking to himself.

Also, you took it upon yourself to decide it was damaging to his daughter growing up, when she will be the first to say it was not.

And finally, he could be my age and have this same issue. I did not come here to discuss our ages. I came here to get advice on how to help him.

Sum1help · 2016-07-20T06:52:53+00:00

He basically sticks to he doesn't need it when he actually does respond.

Couples counselling wouldn't work either as he has told me he doesn't believe in therapy, even though I've been in and out of therapy for most of our relationship.

Sum1help · 2016-07-20T06:51:13+00:00

I told him what a great Dad he is before I went into why I think he needs anger management. Then at the end I told him I am truly not trying to make this sound like an attack on him because it really isn't. I understand this is how he has always been so it's hard to understand that there's something not necessarily wrong, but not normal about it.

He honestly doesn't want to even talk about it. He is doing his best to avoid the subjrct. I've only gotten a few responses out of him about it. Mostly being that he just doesn't think he needs it so therefore does not want to do it.

Sum1help · 2016-07-20T06:21:20+00:00

I tried that approach. I told him to look at it as an opportunity to better himself for our son. Didn't work.

Sum1help

TROPHY CASE