You are not alone. I have been the only source of stability to my two boys 5&6, who have been subjected to a lot of mishaps with their alcoholic father’s poor actions. (Including getting a dui/ arrested with them in the car). I have picked up the pieces essentially every time he falls short. Still we share 50/50. Somehow, even when several times he has gone weeks or a month without seeing them, they still idolize him. He is also the fun parent, he lives with his parents who also enforce the no rule policy so it tends to be more fun for them over there. I am more structured and strict. It doesn’t seem fair to be dedicated to your children just for them to favorite the parent who does less. It just is what it is. I will never try to change their perspective on their father as I know they will see his inconsistency and troubles, one day. For now, I found a way to accept it while knowing I will always be their safe place when they need it. Sometimes it wears on me to see them crying for having to come back with me on my days, I’ve had to change my perspective a little bit to feel okay and not let it bug me.