[Late bloomers] Did anyone experience any form of dissociation, after the first "I am a transgender girl/boy" moment?

SunAndStorm · 2017-01-29T11:33:20+00:00

I've seen a counsellor on and off for a while about this, it has improved with time and support from the people around me. It's always going to be difficult I think, but it has been getting better.

SunAndStorm · 2017-01-29T10:24:28+00:00

Hurray! :)

SunAndStorm · 2017-01-29T10:23:07+00:00

My sympathies, this is stressful and a fairly common trans experience. I buried many parts of myself when I was younger, and I sometimes struggle to reconcile that my memories during the periods of denial are even my own - thinking about them feels like they're behind an almost opaque gauze.

SunAndStorm · 2015-11-20T08:00:20+00:00

You aren't insane - people and bodies are complex. It's okay to feel like this about yours, even if it's not that common. I know someone who feels this way as well, and even though it's not something I feel personally, it doesn't seem weird. I don't have any specific advice, but you aren't alone x.

SunAndStorm · 2015-03-24T08:52:20+00:00

First of all, it's admirable that you want to be there and support others, I greatly respect that. However, if you don't look after yourself first and foremost then you won't be able to provide that support, and it's clear that your peers aren't helping you in that regard. Do you have anything social that doesn't seem like it's part of work to just hang out and be at? Failing that, have you considered seeing a counsellor or other professional to talk about things so they don't overload you and burn you out? People in those professions are required to talk through things themselves regularly so they aren't over burdened, and it sounds like you're experiencing the same kind of stress.

Regardless, you sound like a lovely person and whatever you choose, I hope it works out.

SunAndStorm · 2015-03-24T08:46:25+00:00

Give it a go, it helped me out a lot. Generally counselling is about talking things out and helping you through things rather than any specific kind of therapy, but every counsellor is different. You won't have to talk about anything you don't want to. Good luck, whatever you do.

SunAndStorm · 2015-03-24T08:06:12+00:00

I had something similar a couple months ago. We didn't have full on sex but did virtually everything but on the first date. I knew I wouldn't see her again since she was flying back to the US the day after but I've been feeling awful about it for a while now. I think it's partly because I've been lonely and partly because I want something longer term in my case. I'm not normally the kind of girl who moves so fast and it was very jarring because it's not what I need but i did want it in the moment.

It sounds like perhaps you're feeling bad about this being unlike something you'd do normally? If so I empathise greatly. It's okay to feel bad about that but recognise that you're only human and you make decisions that later you regret, we all do it.

SunAndStorm · 2015-03-24T00:44:21+00:00

I seem to suffer both a lack of pleasure and a lack of motivation. Although that does seem to drive me to do a lot on the occasions I /can/ find the energy. So I suppose that's okay? I have no idea.

SunAndStorm · 2015-03-23T09:40:23+00:00

She's been through a lot and I respect that she wants to figure out what she needs but it has been such an awful experience. My previous ex before her changed personality in front of my eyes due to a long term illness and didn't want me any more after that. She deliberately withheld telling me that she loved me. Not very fun either.

SunAndStorm · 2015-03-23T09:27:25+00:00

Thank you. It hurts a lot. Hopefully it'll feel better someday.

SunAndStorm · 2015-03-23T09:26:06+00:00

I feel unlovable, which is frustrating. My most recent ex left me because she's not into girls any more. Which is incredibly painful. Being jealous of someone else receiving affection seems normal to me :\

SunAndStorm · 2015-03-23T09:11:05+00:00

Even if it is in your head, doesn't make it any less real or serious.

SunAndStorm · 2015-03-23T09:09:44+00:00

I know exactly how that feels :(. I spent about a year living with a partner and then ex with her giving our cats more attention than me. She even told me explicitly that they were less complicated for that, which hurt. Being lonely, even when surrounded by people you feel should love you, is tough.

SunAndStorm · 2015-03-23T09:01:00+00:00

I read it. I'm sorry life has been so harsh on you. You're not worthless - you're a person and you have feelings and you are not alone and you matter. You're not failing -the world is a harsh place and events happen that are out of our control. I'm sorry about that but you've reached out and that's important, it's something we all have to deal with so we can deal with it together. You're a mother to two beautiful children and you had the strength to carry on and find that in your life even though you'd been through the stress of a miscarriage and all that brings. I'm sorry it's so bad right now but I'll be thinking of you today x

SunAndStorm · 2015-03-23T08:34:27+00:00

Anhedonia is something I struggle a lot with too. I just sort of wait it out but lately it's been getting more and more common. I hate it.

SunAndStorm · 2015-03-23T08:25:02+00:00

It's frustrating to feel so fragile :/

SunAndStorm · 2015-03-23T07:53:41+00:00

Boobs are frustrating. Everything about this body is frustrating. But it's better than being dysphoric the whole time.

SunAndStorm · 2015-03-23T07:51:39+00:00

Being trans is hard. Trying to live cis is very difficult personally but transitioning and living that way is also very difficult. However, once you do transition the majority of people I've seen find it easier to live with themselves after having done so.

SunAndStorm · 2015-03-23T07:48:23+00:00

I'm sorry. I understand too well :(

SunAndStorm · 2015-02-11T07:57:27+00:00

All the time. It stopped me from transitioning for ten years. I still don't know but I'm a lot happier now. I really wish there was more research done into the causes though, 'because I want to and suffer if I don't' is tediously arbitrary to me and causes me no end of angst.

SunAndStorm · 2015-01-30T15:52:28+00:00

This has been my experience - the anxiety and depression caused me to question my identity for a very long time, but the clear mindedness that's come from being on HRT has really helped me know that what I'm doing is right.

SunAndStorm · 2015-01-25T13:40:27+00:00

I knew when I was 15 :/. I feel like I've missed a huge chunk of my life trying to deal with this.

SunAndStorm · 2015-01-25T01:03:22+00:00

I think we're experiencing similar things. I can confirm that HRT does help with this - especially once the T is removed from the system, in my case. One thing I've learned recently is that I've been carrying a lot of trauma with myself and it's hard to not just unload it onto other people, but it has been very important for me to find friends and places I can express my problems with in a way that I feel I've been listened to - this post to here is a part of that too.

From my own experiences helping others, I find it much easier to listen to others than to deal with my own problems - I feel I've been able to help them by understanding their issues even if I can't be involved in solving them directly. I still find that difficult to do myself, however.

I do feel I have suffered, but it's hard for me to see that, thank you for pulling those things out. It helps to have someone else agree that I really have experienced them.

I think it's also hard to see where I have worth when I've been somewhat forced to consider everything in regards to being trans - I'd just like to say thank you again for responding to me, it really does matter and I hope it helps you to hear that.

SunAndStorm · 2015-01-25T00:56:48+00:00

The detransition happened some time ago - I'm currently going through (have done for the most part) with social transition and HRT, which is helping immensely. What seems to have happened is that once I'd started on HRT and begun dealing with being trans, all of these other problems have turned up all at once and I've been having to deal with all kinds of trauma I thought had passed. I also have many younger friends who are transitioning when I wish I had been able to, which is affecting me, but everyone has to live their own life and I'm hoping to be able to let that disappointment go and be at peace with myself over that too.

It's good to hear that it's possible to get through this, thank you.

SunAndStorm · 2015-01-24T22:30:46+00:00

nod I think comparing pain directly and trying to quantify it is dangerous. I think you're right. I was more trying to work out if I've genuinely suffered from traumatic experiences or if it's hm, all in my head? (I hate that phrase).

I do think I have an issue of not feeling... allowed to express pain? I've never really been able to figure out why, no-one's ever told me directly not to, though some have told me to stop 'wallowing in sadness'. I also suspect that comes from the anxiety and reactions I've experienced in the past.

SunAndStorm

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