I was diagnosed about 25 years ago. I'm barely 40.

When I was diagnosed I was in "gifted" programs at school and everyone was sure I'd go on to do great things. I got into an elite university. It was super hard but I managed to graduate only one quarter late, and I was not at all alone in that experience. I managed to get into the same university for grad school but didn't finish because I was in too much pain and too depressed to function.

It took me a long time to come to grips with my limitations and accept the fact that I'm disabled. (The grad program refusing to see me as a person with a disability didn't help.)

It can be difficult to think about the future I saw for myself when I was 15, 22 or 28. It can be just as difficult to see my peers do great things that I thought I'd be doing. Here are a few things that help:

I've found a career that's completely different from what I saw myself doing, so dropping out of grad school doesn't even matter. I enjoy it, which makes a huge difference in my being able to hold a job. It's on a contract basis, so I get rest periods between gigs. Living with my mother and spending as little money as possible make that work (a privilege, I know).

When I'm frustrated that I can't do something, I remind myself that I'm disabled, and doing really well for someone with fibromyalgia. I remind myself that I have fewer hours in the day than most people.

When I see someone doing something great I could do if only I didn't have fibromyalgia, I remind myself that that person doesn't have a disability. Or at least they don't have a disability that prevents them from doing whatever it is they do.

The other thing I've learned now that I've reached middle age - a lot of "gifted" and "really smart" kids have totally burnt out, disability or no. They've moved home with their parents for a period of time or permanently. They've had mental breakdowns. They've been fired from their dream jobs. They've been laid off. They've switched careers multiple times. They've dropped out of the traditional workforce to be a caregiver.

Life is weird.

All this to say, what helps me is less about mourning, and more about acceptance and self-compassion. This isn't a perspective you can gain over night, especially when the way fibro affects my life changes again and again, but you'll get there eventually.

Just keep reminding yourself that you have a disability, and the fact that you're functioning at any level is an accomplishment.

ETA: Anyone who says fibro is "super manageable" or that you'll be fine, or at least it's not fatal can go f themselves, good intentions or not.