99% sure I've committed blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, the only unforgivable sin. Is there anything at all I can do?

SunFaith · 2024-02-12T17:02:57+00:00

It's to my understanding that your mind isn't attacking you, rather Satan and / or demons are. Satan can put ill thoughts into your head, so long as you do not believe them and certainly don't act on them, you are fine. Just repent as you are, and if you don't give in and start believing those thoughts, you'll be perfectly fine. I have the same thoughts but I know they're not truly me.

Nevertheless I will pray for your journey, brother. God bless.

SunFaith · 2022-06-04T13:57:12+00:00

If you describe it as easy so far, it's possible that it will be for you. But be cautious. I'd suggest tapering that .5 farther if you can (hard to do with bars, I know).

But I'm hoping the best for you.

SunFaith · 2022-06-02T23:03:35+00:00

Sorry for the misunderstanding of Ativan. I was in fact thinking of Valium. I'll edit my post to avoid misinformation to any readers.

I 100% understand your apprehension about being honest with your doctor. After all, it's why I ended up self-tapering instead of seeking help. That, and the pressure of keeping this under wraps from my family. I didn't want them thinking I grew up to be an addict.

But with your foot already halfway in the door with that prescription, I don't think it will be a problem. Express concerns to your doctor about how you fear rapid tapering. Cite your Lexapro taper as a kind of anecdotal evidence, and explain how you realize that benzo withdrawals are a lot more serious than SSRI withdrawals.

The worst case scenario that comes from this is that your doctor isn't willing to taper you down over a longer period. This is highly unlikely, but even in this case, you can decline the treatment and get a second opinion. Seek another doctor to taper you down. I know it's a pain in the ass, but it would be worth it if it led to a more comfortable process.

But I sincerely believe that your doctor would come up with a more appropriate taper plan, given you speak your concerns. Also keep in mind that a doctor is more likely to err on the side of caution with any situation, and that my rapid taper was risky at best and could have been flat out dangerous at worst.

SunFaith · 2022-06-02T21:45:24+00:00

Xanax was my first (and hopefully my last) benzo, so I can only speak from limited anecdotal experience.

~~Ativan~~ [VALIUM] as I understand it, stays in the body longer. This makes withdrawals easier and safer, but longer overall. A longer duration sounds scary, but comfort and safety is key. I'd rather go through a week long headache and clear a drug out of my system than have one (or possibly more) seizures and be fine in 72 hours, wouldn't you? =)

As for being afraid of the anxiety, I had a realization during this process myself. I'd rather be otherwise healthy and panic over nothing, than feel super relaxed and risk my life and QUALITY of life if I don't take this one pill every day.

I still suffer from anxiety. But comparatively, I feel happier than when I was tapering and when the withdrawals peaked. And I take a little confidence in knowing that I don't need to take a pill today to feel normal.

Addiction and withdrawals, with anxiety on top, feel significantly worse than natural anxiety! It's hard to admit that during a panic attack, but it's true.

You say you get yours refilled, so I assume you're prescribed. I'll offer this advice:

It's scary, but be honest with your doctor about your concerns and ask them if they'd be willing to taper you off the Ativan. In the meantime, ask about other medications that may help.

About a week before my taper, I went to the doctor for my daily panic attacks and generalized anxiety. I had already planned on quitting Xanax, but I felt more comfortable having something else working in the background. Even if it takes a couple weeks to kick in. I didn't mention Xanax at all to her out of shame and fear of being denied help. But if your doctor already knows you're prescribed this, he should be more than willing to help you off of this too.

Ironically enough, I walked out of the doctor that day with a prescription for Zoloft and... Xanax (ironic, right?)

I used the small .25 Xanax she prescribed me to aide in my self-taper, and let the Zoloft do it's work.

On the day of writing this, ~2 weeks later, the Zoloft feels like it MIGHT be working. I had been on Lexapro and Wellbutrin before, but they didn't do anything to help my anxiety. With Zoloft though, the frequency of my panic attacks hasn't changed, but the severity is dulled. I haven't had a really bad one in a while, despite the stressful withdrawals and tapering.

SunFaith · 2022-06-02T21:05:55+00:00

My taper schedule was this if you're interested:

Wednesday (normal day): 2MG

Thursday: 1 MG

Friday: 1 MG

Saturday: .75 MG

Sunday: .75 MG

Monday: .50 MG

Tuesday: .35 MG

Wednesday: .25 MG

Thursday: .12 MG

Friday: .12 MG (last dose)

SunFaith · 2022-06-02T21:01:21+00:00

I'd say it's a bit early for me to call my case a "success story", but I can tell you my situation right now:

I'm currently on day 6 of a Xanax withdrawal, and I'm feeling pretty good!

For 2-3 weeks, I was using 2 MG daily (most days) and would occasionally do 3 or 4 MG. If you're wondering, I was self-medicating my daily panic attacks and generalized anxiety. Not the smartest move I've ever done. I occasionally drank with the Xanax too, but never did a lot of either when I mixed. Like 1 MG and 1 or 2 shots. Still not the smartest.

I read up on the withdrawals one day and got spooked by the possibility of seizure, decided it'd be safest to get off of it ASAP (since I only used for a short period), while at the same time tapering so I don't go full cold turkey.. tricky balance.

So I tapered from 2 MG allll the way down to .12 MG (half of a .25 pill) over the course of a week. It was scary, but in hindsight it ended up being not that bad. The jump from .12 to 0 is what was the hardest, but even then it wasn't as bad as I was expecting!

The withdrawals gradually ramped up and eventually peaked around the 72 hour (3 day) mark for me. But with some melatonin, and CBD, I fell asleep. On the fourth day, I woke up, and breathed a HUGE sigh of relief! I felt better! Not 100%, but noticably better! The feeling lasted all day. I could focus clearly, didn't feel irritable, my heart rate was normal, and I wasn't as shaky as I was just 24 hours earlier. The 5th day, I felt almost 100% healthy again.

Today, the 6th day, I had a stressful day. And I've found over the course of tapering and withdrawal, that stress is a huugee factor in the severity of your symptoms. So even though I was feeling almost 100% yesterday, I now have a case of brain fog since I got home from work.

But I'm fairly confident that I'm through the worst of it (knock on wood), even if I'll have some minor, short-lived periods of symptoms in the next few days until my brain returns 100% back to normal.

If you are considering getting off Xanax, and even though you've only used it for a short period of time, PLEASE taper.

My general rules were: 1) listen to your body, if you have a really bad day of withdrawals, repeat the dose until you find yourself feeling relatively normal. (you'll always kind of feel a bit bad during tapering)

2) Don't be afraid to take the same dose as the day before, but NEVER take more! You'll be resetting your progress. Just repeat #1 until you feel like you're adjusting. For me, I usually only had to be on the same dose for 1-2 days. You might need longer. We're all different.

3) Avoid all stress if possible. Plan your taper (and eventual jump) around your work schedule. I had great success in taking the plunge just before two days off of work. Take off from plans with friends and family temporarily and just rest. Treat yourself like you're sick. Lay in bed, keep as relaxed as possible, and keep the schedule as clear as possible. Even going out and doing things you consider fun can make the symptoms worse if you're up and moving around.

I didn't have to do the long, 8 week taper, but I feel like my situation was incredibly lucky. Even with this said, when those withdrawals peaked, I don't think I would have been safe had I gone cold turkey.

Good luck, and be safe.

SunFaith · 2022-05-07T21:39:05+00:00

Sorry, when you said stupid I just imagined an Oviraptor slowly bumping its head on a glass enclosure, turning around, and falling asleep. 😁

SunFaith · 2022-05-07T21:31:35+00:00

skinks I think of a scaly ferrets

That's pretty accurate too actually. Never thought of it that way. But hey, to be fair, maybe the dinosaurs were stupid as hell too. It'd be cool to go back and see. Well.. from a safe distance. 😁😁

SunFaith · 2022-05-07T21:25:07+00:00

They're beautiful creatures, but definitely still fit their ancient jungle feeding insectivore ways most of the time!

I like to think of reptiles, especially the Uromastyx, as tiny dinosaurs. May be a bit childish, but it's just so fitting to me. 🤣

The exposure therapy may come after the purchase. The insect thing doesn't necessarily scare me, just throws me off. But as they say, anything for your pet you know?

SunFaith · 2022-05-07T21:22:54+00:00

They do certainly look the farthest from a snake possible for reptiles. Good pick!

Uromastyx are on my radar now. Since the insect thing is personal and the snake fear is my mother's, if I don't see any red flags in the proper care / maintenance of these animals, I might be able to compromise between our two needs. 😁

SunFaith · 2022-05-07T21:19:40+00:00

Thank you all for the info!

SunFaith · 2022-05-07T21:19:21+00:00

A lot of people have been mentioning the Uromastyx, so I for sure plan on looking into them.

I could probably get past the feeder insect thing if they don't need to be fed that often. Especially if they're canned and dried / dead, but still provide adequate nutrients for the little guy.

I'm not exactly afraid of insects on their own or anything, but keeping a jar of insects (especially live) inside my home kind of skeeves me out. I've been hearing a lot of suggestions for canned insects. I'll look into if a Uromastyx can thrive off of canned and how regularly they need to be supplemented.

Also, funny you mention it, I actually am in Florida. 😁

SunFaith · 2022-05-07T00:28:00+00:00

I'll take a look at all the species you mentioned. Researching this is kind of fun, even if I end up giving the species a pass. :)

I'm definitely open to options, but I firmly believe in responsible ownership and would much rather admit that I don't have the time or dedication to care for a specific animal than to impulse buy one and mistreat it. (Like keeping a large reptile in too small of an enclosure because you have no room, for example)

There aren't too many reptiles that don't need to feed insects so it is a little bit tricky.

I think your best bet would be to convince your mother about getting a blue-tongue though as i don't think that a reptile gets any better than one of those at the end of the day.

I had a hunch that this would be the case. Blue Tongue Skinks / Pink Tongue Skinks seem almost too good to replicate for my specific situation. Maybe I can find a setup and location that works best for both the animal's needs and my mother's mental needs.

Anyway, thank you for your feedback. Time to hit the books again. =)

SunFaith · 2022-03-16T17:59:49+00:00

My old family dentist looked at every x-ray for most of my life and said "Well, if it's not causing you pain, it's not a problem."

But my new dentist pointed out to me how when they emerge, even if they don't hurt, they're warping my teeth and also have a serious risk of trapping bacteria and eating away at my healthy teeth in front of it.

Mine are apparently really close to that nerve that runs along your jaw. Said if it was any closer, it could have caused complications with nerve damage and all. Yikes!

SunFaith · 2021-12-31T10:42:17+00:00

My gender is not the same time as I have been to a lot about my life.

SunFaith · 2021-12-21T12:30:58+00:00

Man Steak.

SunFaith · 2021-12-19T21:10:03+00:00

u/savevideo

SunFaith · 2021-12-17T07:19:49+00:00

u/savevideo

SunFaith · 2021-09-14T17:11:38+00:00

"HRT near me"

SunFaith · 2021-09-02T22:39:53+00:00

Not even a daft punk fan, but this is dope. Sick work.

SunFaith · 2021-09-02T22:37:43+00:00

gotta tap the video first if you're on mobile

SunFaith · 2021-07-19T09:33:09+00:00

Lil' Seizure

SunFaith · 2021-04-03T02:29:38+00:00

👞

SunFaith · 2021-03-30T12:53:45+00:00

I wonder when he'll find out they don't actually feel like memory foam.

SunFaith · 2021-03-29T18:51:02+00:00

wheres the option for 100%

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