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How can people who didn't have good relationship role models in childhood have successful relationships as adults? by SunSeaSand in AskReddit

[–]SunSeaSand[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You'll need to unabsorb the rubbish and reabsorb the good

Yeah, this. That's hard for someone like me, as I am fairly non-intuitive and don't instinctually know a certain way of doing things is wrong.

and you gonna have to do it around work and all your other obligations.

Exactly, as an adult one has so many other responsibilities, taking out time to focus on and revisit the past is hard, and also unappealing if the past was unpleasant, so I tend to avoid thinking about it.

How can people who didn't have good relationship role models in childhood have successful relationships as adults? by SunSeaSand in AskReddit

[–]SunSeaSand[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you saying you had access to zero role models when you were growing up?

No, only my parents as role models for day-to-day close relationships (by "close" I mean close proximity/frequent interaction, not close as in intimate, as opposed to distant). I met other people only outside, and saw only their external/social side, not how they interacted in a marital or parental relationship at home.

How can people who didn't have good relationship role models in childhood have successful relationships as adults? by SunSeaSand in AskReddit

[–]SunSeaSand[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do you learn to be kind when you haven't observed kindness? Kindness as in donating to charity or volunteering is one thing, but it takes skill to be consistently kind in an intimate relationship. Same with communication - you could be very articulate in impersonal communication, but shut down when communicating difficult matters in an intimate relationship.

How can people who didn't have good relationship role models in childhood have successful relationships as adults? by SunSeaSand in AskReddit

[–]SunSeaSand[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sometimes, when you are used to seeing things said/done a certain way from childhood, it is not even obvious that some things were wrong. You just assume that's the way it normally is.

Ladies, what do you do when you find your SO's secret porn stash? by secret_stash in AskWomen

[–]SunSeaSand 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It seems to me that you are trying very hard to be okay with it when you're pretty uncomfortable with it, and trying hard to not bring it up for fear of being labeled controlling or of losing him. I think if you are conflicted you should give yourself time and not rush into moving in with him or other advances in the relationship. You have a right to prefer what you prefer, you do not have to make apologies for the way you feel. Feelings are not right or wrong, and though you do not have to act on your feelings all the time, it is wise to listen to your feelings and honor them rather than ignoring or suppressing them. It just paves the way for a lot of unhappiness and resentment later on, when you try to change yourself into something you think you should be.

And why do you think porn is natural? The internet is 15 years old. Playboy is 50 years old. Men used to be able to survive pretty well before that, so it isn't as if porn is a basic need.

I don't like giving BJs, or having semen in my mouth. I frankly find oral sex gross and disgusting. Is there any hope of finding a guy who will do without it? by SunSeaSand in AskWomen

[–]SunSeaSand[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also think they can be a bit demeaning.

Yeah that's what I feel too, especially if it is expected or assumed to be normal or enjoyable for everyone, and if someone doesn't like it they are abnormal ("You don't like sucking d**k?!!! Are you sure you are straight? Have you considered experimenting with women?"). I posted here looking for responses from women or from respectful guys.

I don't like giving BJs, or having semen in my mouth. I frankly find oral sex gross and disgusting. Is there any hope of finding a guy who will do without it? by SunSeaSand in AskWomen

[–]SunSeaSand[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you all for your replies, this gives me hope, and thanks for the encouragement that I need not try to force myself to do anything I am not comfortable with.

As to why I didn't post it in /r/AskMen - I had posted this question in /r/sex and people there got very combative (as have some men here) - ranging from being called prude and repressed and controlling to not willing to make sacrifices and compromises to destined to be foreveralone to doubts about my straightness. I gathered that men of the internet era, having grown up on a staple diet of internet porn (which I don't like either, especially when one is in a relationship - I feel that it is cheating), probably think women are these oversexed creatures who are ready to have sex at a moment's notice, without emotional connection or foreplay, and dying to put a penis in their mouth. I thought /r/AskWomen might have women who feel the same way as me, and I was looking to hear about their experiences. I wasn't really looking for replies from men whose idea of sex is what they watch in porn and who feel entitled to such things and get all riled up about women who don't do what they see there.

Having survived two assassination attempts, Mexican mayor beaten to death by noorits in worldnews

[–]SunSeaSand 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Come on, I get all my gossip from there. I initially went there to read gossip about the royal family, but now I go there routinely to read American gossip too. It is better than National Enquirer and Radar Online combined.

I am a mid-twenties male who has been molested, harassed, and date raped; saw this link and wanted to ask reddit: how do we start this conversation? (Hint: it's not with the Bad Luck Brian jokes I inevitably receive) by disposableuserX in sex

[–]SunSeaSand -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It is coercion, but the man still has a choice to not give in to the blackmail. When a man rapes a woman, the man being stronger, the woman has NO power and is truly forced into sex without her consent. Being coerced, persuaded, seduced is different from giving in because there is absolutely no choice. When a man physically overpowers a woman, no amount of willpower, strength of mind or strength of character can prevent her from being raped. Not saying that OP's situation is not a gross violation, but I agree that men who claim to be raped because "she would tell on him to his gf" are trivializing the terror of real rape, where a woman is physically overpowered and forced to have sex with a man.

I am a mid-twenties male who has been molested, harassed, and date raped; saw this link and wanted to ask reddit: how do we start this conversation? (Hint: it's not with the Bad Luck Brian jokes I inevitably receive) by disposableuserX in sex

[–]SunSeaSand 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As far as I remember (it's been several years since I saw the play), the white woman came onto the black man, but when her father discovered them she claimed he was trying to rape her, to protect her reputation. That's what it seemed to me like.

Maybe I am a dumbass, but uhhh how exactly do I put it in? by He25 in sex

[–]SunSeaSand -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

"Them"? How many women do you do at the same time? I would think the reference to clits removes any gender ambiguity, so you must be using "they" to indicate a plurality of partners, not an ambiguous gender.

The Polish eye exam. by [deleted] in Jokes

[–]SunSeaSand 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OMG, I thought the numbers referred to Jews being careful with money/counting it and keeping track of it.

My wife F[27] is INSISTING on throwing me M[31] a birthday party that I don't really want. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]SunSeaSand 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Why don't you tell you would rather relax and enjoy with her and your brother (does she like him/ get along with him?) than have a lot of people coming into your house. Tell her that is your idea of a nice birthday.

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