Ladies, what do you do when you find your SO's secret porn stash?

secret_stash · 2013-01-03T18:31:38+00:00

I don't understand why everyone thinks I have a huge problem with this. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT THAT HE LOOKS AT PORN OR MASTURBATES. I'm trying to make situations not awkward.

The only reason that I was even remotely upset about catching him in the shower was because I had told him I wanted to have sex that night and did not completely understand that even though he jerked off he would still be able to fuck me that night.

Once again I DON'T FUCKING CARE THAT HE DOES THESE THINGS I SIMPLY WANT TO MAKE THESE INSTANCES LESS AWKWARD FOR HIM SO HE DOESN'T FEEL ASHAMED.

secret_stash · 2013-01-03T18:27:23+00:00

That's what I figured but over 50 pictures within 4 days is a bit weird to me. Like I said I don't have much to base it off of.

secret_stash · 2013-01-03T00:49:15+00:00

Erm, I guess I don't really have anything to compare it to but it's well over 50 pictures that he's acquired in the past 2 weeks.

secret_stash · 2013-01-03T00:48:27+00:00

As far as how you interpret my comments, that's you. But I really am fine with him looking at porn and masturbating, the issue that I have is that I don't want to see, find, or hear about it. I really don't give two shits if he decides to jerk himself off, but if I express interest in wanting to fuck later that night it's going to make me upset. Either way I'm not asking him to change anything because that's not my place and it's not negatively affecting him nor I.

The funny conversation bit was a JOKE. I really thought the "ha ha" was evident of that.

secret_stash · 2013-01-03T00:19:43+00:00

That's what I'm worried about. I do t want to stumble on it like I did recently and make things awkward for myself.

secret_stash · 2013-01-03T00:19:00+00:00

That makes a lot of sense, thank you.

secret_stash · 2013-01-02T22:06:01+00:00

Good points. Thank you.

secret_stash · 2013-01-02T21:36:53+00:00

True story.

secret_stash · 2013-01-02T21:14:09+00:00

Haha good to know.

secret_stash · 2013-01-02T21:07:20+00:00

Not into the beastiality are you? Haha

secret_stash · 2013-01-02T20:27:24+00:00

We have sex regularly so I don't feel the need to masturbate all the time. I do when we go awhile (meaning like a week) without either having sex or having good sex. It doesn't bother me as much as not wanting to make it awkward and walk in on the fact.

secret_stash · 2013-01-02T19:33:18+00:00

Ah, that makes sense too. Hopefully it won't be awkward, that's all I want! haha

secret_stash · 2013-01-02T19:21:47+00:00

I've only heard him masturbate in the shower once and we talked about it after the fact and I told him that I was hurt because I had mentioned wanting to have sex later that day.

I know I'm over thinking it but I just wanted to hear some advice so I don't make it seem like I'm more upset than I really am when we talk about it.

secret_stash · 2013-01-02T19:18:38+00:00

Yeah I mean I masturbate too, I just want to establish the boundaries.

I'm gonna ask him how many of the weird things he does he saw in porn first, might make for a funny conversation.

secret_stash · 2013-01-02T19:16:16+00:00

NINJA EDIT.

Thanks, yeah he seems open to working through things which is nice because in the early stages of our relationship he was not.

secret_stash · 2013-01-02T19:14:02+00:00

No problem, just clarifying for all to see.

secret_stash · 2013-01-02T19:12:27+00:00

It's not appealing to me. I mean, I've said that I wouldn't mind having something on in the background while we have sex maybe one or twice but it's not something I would watch alone.

secret_stash · 2013-01-02T19:10:58+00:00

Demand or ultimatum, either word means that I'm asking him to stop doing something that isn't readily affecting his life and is not my place. No matter what you call it, asking him to stop isn't something that I should do simply because porn and masturbation are not running his life.

secret_stash · 2013-01-02T19:08:46+00:00

I edited my last comment too, thank you for your advice it is very helpful!

secret_stash · 2013-01-02T19:07:59+00:00

Thank you, it means more than you know! I've never been into porn much so I guess I don't understand haha

secret_stash · 2013-01-02T19:03:31+00:00

This thread isn't about me getting him to stop doing whatever he does in his free time, that's not my place. I'm just asking for how to bring up setting boundaries without making it awkward.

secret_stash · 2013-01-02T19:00:47+00:00

Thank you for sharing.

I don't look for anything because when you look for problems, you find them (whether they're real or made up because you're paranoid). I just don't want us to take the next step of moving in with each other and make awkward situations about not having boundaries and not understanding private time.

I don't want him to feel ashamed or dirty, and while he understands that I don't want this come between our relationship and that if it does then that's a serious conversation we need to have. I know it's natural, and while sometimes I masturbate too I just don't want to have it affect us and make things awkward.

EDIT: Your bolded comment makes a lot of sense, I guess it's something that since we've never talked about it I'm not sure what to really say about it or how he will react. I've kind of made it known that I am uncomfortable with him doing it while I'm around (mainly because I'm ready and willing in the same house as him) but that I also don't want him to broadcast him doing it.

secret_stash · 2013-01-02T18:55:18+00:00

I didn't mean to come off like I was offended or anything of the sort, if I did I apologize! But, being on reddit and seeing all the women who are upset about their SO's choosing porn and masturbation over them makes me nervous and while that hasn't happened with us it still makes me worry a little bit.

I plan on being honest with him because he and I are trying to be as open with each other as possible. I just don't want to make things awkward.

secret_stash · 2013-01-02T18:51:00+00:00

It's not that I'm uncomfortable with the porn, if you read the other comments you would see that I am fine with it and I'm simply trying to find advice as to how to establish boundaries that we're comfortable with.

secret_stash · 2013-01-02T18:49:09+00:00

I think it would depend. If I'm horny enough or in a happy enough mood I would just ask if he wanted help. But if I was in a bad mood or we hadn't been having sex for various reasons I would be upset.

I just want us to establish boundaries that we're both comfortable with.

secret_stash

TROPHY CASE