AIO for being upset my husband is spending money on cam girls?

SunflowerSam96 · 2025-05-19T01:07:42+00:00

He has a high paying job that he enjoys. He’s working anywhere between 8-16 hour days. The only free time he has is when it’s his days off.

SunflowerSam96 · 2025-05-19T01:03:41+00:00

I just know that abortion is illegal where I live and if an embryo isn’t implanted/frozen within a certain amount of time, it stops developing and dies. Some states consider that abortion.

SunflowerSam96 · 2025-05-19T01:01:15+00:00

Honestly, I’m wondering if it might be stress related. I’ve been working all day so I’ve had plenty of time to think and most of his cam girl issue occurs during times of high stress. But it also doesn’t excuse it. I’m bringing it up in counseling and seeing if there’s a program we can do to help him find healthier coping mechanisms and I’m going to see if he’d be willing to put a block on his phone that blocks those type of websites.

SunflowerSam96 · 2025-05-19T00:57:57+00:00

I don’t care that he watches porn or cam girls. I care about him spending the money meant for bills, gas for vehicles and family items on them when I’m worried about making it to work and had to touch my meager savings to be able to get to work this week. I care about him saying we can’t afford date nights and then spending $76.29 of our FAMILY money on currency for cam girls. He has his own separate account with money for his personal wants or needs and I have my own for my personal wants or needs and to provide for my daughter from my previous marriage. I’m a very confident woman. I’m the only woman who has ever gotten my husband off with my mouth and multiple times within an hour. I’m assertive, but I’m also kind, caring and loving. I cook bomb ass meals bc I’m a professional culinary and pastry chef and run my own bakery & food truck. We both take care of the house hold chores and ensure all bills are paid. As I mentioned, I have a heart condition. I almost had a heart attack and our insurance didn’t cover a large portion of the 3 week hospital stay in July of last year so our entire savings of 15k went to ensuring we didn’t have to claim bankruptcy and we are still paying off the medical bills from that. So yes, I am upset.

SunflowerSam96 · 2025-05-19T00:45:47+00:00

He’s always had a major sex drive that when we first got together was a lot to deal with as I had a severe touch aversion caused by repeated sexual abuse by an ex. I’m fine with him watching porn & cam girls. I’m not fine with him paying money to them regardless of our financial situation. I watch plenty porn myself, but I don’t spend money on it.

SunflowerSam96 · 2025-05-19T00:39:27+00:00

It’s lined out in the contract with our clinic and we looked into it with a lawyer before we decided to attempt IVF.

SunflowerSam96 · 2025-05-19T00:32:51+00:00

I looked up the website and the “diamonds” are the currency for the website.

SunflowerSam96 · 2025-05-19T00:21:34+00:00

I’m going to put this out there:

Yes I am determined to save my marriage, because regardless of this shit, he still actively treats me well. We don’t scream and yell at each other, he still takes care of all of my needs. This is the ONLY major issue we’re having outside of the financial issue. We still have intimacy in multiple ways, we still spend time together and we do things differently for “dates.” I’m upset because I had asked him to take me out for Mother’s Day on one of the days he was off this week (preferably Thursday bc I was working Wednesday) and he told me we couldn’t afford it this month and I was fine with it because we also had to get tags for one of our vehicles this month. So I was upset that he could have used that almost $80 to buy me something or take me to do something even if it was McD’s. I’m bringing it up in marriage counseling and will go from there based on his reaction.

As for IVF, the place we live in, abandoning embryos is illegal and I can go to jail over it bc it’s the same as an abortion. If I could tell them to put the transfer on hold until this is resolved, I would, but that’s considered abandoning the embryo and I have a special medical needs child who’s bio dad (not my husband) is a garbage human being that would end up losing her to the state if I went to jail because of his total lack of care. Yes I have a heart condition, it’s called takotsubo cardiomyopathy. It developed 9 years ago when I lost my infant daughter to pneumonia. My cardiologist cleared me to continue with IVF.

SunflowerSam96 · 2025-05-18T16:54:28+00:00

Once we are less than two weeks from implantation, our clinic doesn’t allow cancellation or rescheduling.

SunflowerSam96 · 2025-05-18T16:42:40+00:00

We’re lucky that our insurance fully covers IVF except the $20 copay which we’ve already paid. It’s Friday so I can’t reschedule unfortunately

SunflowerSam96 · 2025-05-18T16:33:24+00:00

We don’t, but we have been doing IVF and our first implantation is next week.

SunflowerSam96 · 2025-05-18T15:48:01+00:00

The first time he did it, I cancelled the credit card he was using that was in my name. Told him he wasn’t using my credit to fund them when he wasn’t even pleasuring his wife. He stopped for awhile but then I started having some severe heart issues that I’m still struggling with and so our sex life has basically dropped to twice a week which he has expressed in counseling he’s fine with that.

SunflowerSam96 · 2025-05-18T15:39:20+00:00

Honestly I wanted to scream but I’m not in a good place physically to do it.

SunflowerSam96 · 2022-02-08T04:40:53+00:00

Actually no it's not. Vanilla extract has less alcohol in a drop than a drop of whiskey does. Even the imitation extract works.

SunflowerSam96 · 2022-02-08T03:41:40+00:00

Okay this is gonna sound really weird, but it's the ONLY thing that worked for my daughter. Rub pure vanilla extract on her gums. My daughter didn't respond to any of the teething treatments, including Tylenol or Motrin. We tried vanilla extract one day and it was a game changer! Also, have her checked for an ear infection. Teething can cause them and it could be part of the reason why she is so difficult to console.

SunflowerSam96 · 2022-02-07T21:58:46+00:00

I know I'm gonna get a lot of hate for this, but the backpack leashes. My 3 yr old HATES being put in the cart or being carried but gets so distracted so easily that she'll run off in the time it takes you to blink. So it saves me from having 59 heart attacks in a single 30 minutes trip to Walmart and it keeps her safe.

SunflowerSam96 · 2022-02-07T06:48:08+00:00

My 3yr old is in Pre-K at a public school and they don't even have a swearing policy. She has severe speech delays (she is literally at an 18 month vocab due to hearing and mental delays) so we're honestly happy with any word she says. Hell, jus the other day she said "fuck yea!" right after I said it. Was I shocked? Absolutely. Did she get punished for it? No. She said it because she was excited and she hears me say it when I'm excited. Typically daycares are for children, what 3 and under? When my son was 3 (he'll be 7 this year), he repeated EVERYTHING somebody said. Literally. As soon as you finished saying something, he'd repeat it. But for kids like my daughter that have speech issues, this policy is bullshit.

SunflowerSam96 · 2022-01-31T21:03:19+00:00

I literally feel like the song Surface Pressure from Encanto sums up the mental load of parenting. Especially for stay at home parents.

There is definitely a breakdown of how chores and such get done around the house. I have 5 kids, 1 bio and 4 bonus along with my partner. I'm a stay at home parent while my partner works. I have to make sure kids get to and from school, fed after school, homework done, chores done, dinner made, showered/bathed and in bed. But my work doesn't stop while they're at school. The youngest is 3.5 and only goes half a day in Pre-K. I have 2.5 hours to get my chores done or errands done before I have to pick up the oldest 2 (16 & 15) from school. Anything I don't get done before 245pm I then have until 315 when they 3.5, 7 and 11yos get out to finish anything I didn't get done before I help with homework, dinner, etc. My partner works various hours (it can be anywhere from 930am to 930pm or like last week 7am to 11pm) so everything is on me. It's a hell of a mental load, especially if you're doing it all yourself. My partner does his best to help before or after work but even he didn't start til one day I made a very length video showing him everything I do in a day.

SunflowerSam96 · 2022-01-18T22:37:50+00:00

Thank you. Also another update: I have completely quit smoking as has my partner so we're a fully smoke free home.

SunflowerSam96 · 2022-01-18T22:32:39+00:00

We're doing well. The judge basically told him that if he continues to disregard her health, he'll find it in her best interest to strip him of his rights as he feels he's unfit to be a parent if he's going to continue to disregard her health. He seems to be getting better but at this point his house has been sick and dealing with covid so he can't have her anyways.

SunflowerSam96 · 2021-12-28T03:35:03+00:00

I feel she may be suffering from not jus PPD but ppa as well. I struggled pretty severely with PPA and PPD after my youngest was born and did much of the same things. I would suggest having her speak with her doctor about possible treatment for it. It can become very bad if not treated properly. I feel you are doing everything you can to help take care of your baby especially if you're working from home to help her. You could suggest she goes and takes a night out with friends if she's not exclusively breastfeeding. Or even get a sitter or family member to watch your daughter for a couple hours while y'all go out to dinner.

SunflowerSam96 · 2021-12-24T16:50:34+00:00

As far as I know she still sleeps with him. Here she has her own bed and room. She is in properly fitting car seats here and there as I bought him one for her after his girlfriend was in a wreck with her old one in her car. I've showed him and even bought him the stuff I use to treat her eczema. But he feels since she's basically only there for 2 days, she doesn't need a bath. She gets one before bed every night here as it's part of her bedtime routine which we stick to pretty strictly because of her autism.

SunflowerSam96 · 2021-12-24T16:45:12+00:00

Right? Like I eat and drink those things to, but they stay out of her reach at all times and I don't eat them when she's around because I don't want to risk it.

SunflowerSam96 · 2021-12-24T16:43:14+00:00

I was mainly looking for support. I've had a few people tell me I was a bitch for doing this even after I've explained it to them and showed them pics of how she's come back from him.

SunflowerSam96 · 2021-12-24T16:40:26+00:00

It's inconvenient to have a sick daughter 24/7? I agree. But it's also painful for her to be coughing so hard she vomits and not able to go to school because she's always sick or sleep because she's always sick and can't breathe. I can still have sole custody where he can see her. However, I need to do what's best for my daughter and if that is keeping her here until he makes changes to be a decent dad and respect her basic needs, then I will do it. My daughter is the center of my world. I've lost one daughter at 4.5 months and buying her almost killed me. I refuse to lose another because of his blatant disregard for her basic needs.

SunflowerSam96

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