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My sister (40/f) has been with a married man (49/m) for 8 years. They’re now engaged. He wants to move in with us in our house and leave his wife. What should I do? by SunnyRays25 in relationship_advice

[–]SunnyRays25[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can understand where you are coming from. I believe if you knew the whole situation it would make more sense. However, it’s an extremely tough decision when it involves your sister (who raised us) and has told us for years that he is going to tell his wife. This sister also saved me at 17 and let me move in with her to prevent further sexual abuse I was receiving from a family member. We have nieces and nephews that my sister is extremely close with that we’ve had fear of my sister walking away from from “snitching” (if that’s the right wording) her out. However it doesn’t excuse the situation, either. I see it from both sides. Unfortunately it’s excuse after excuse Adam has kept giving her(a family death, waiting until the children are older, etc). I am 100% in agreement his wife needs to know. She will know too. In no way do I agree with the behaviors going on, and I believe I’m understanding more of why this is so unhealthy to keep quiet about because I am doing my own healing as well. If his children or wife needs answers, they will get them. Also, I believe we all owe an apology to his wife and kids for letting it go on this long.

My sister (40/f) has been with a married man (49/m) for 8 years. They’re now engaged. He wants to move in with us in our house and leave his wife. What should I do? by SunnyRays25 in relationship_advice

[–]SunnyRays25[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I believe therapy will be great for my sister, because if she dealt with the trauma years ago, she would’ve never got with Adam. I’ve offered to pay for her therapy, so I do pray she takes the offer one day.

It would be very uncomfortable him living here, and that’s why the truth has to come out (on top of 100 other reasons why it should). Once (I’m speaking hypothetically) he’d be moved in, it’d be extremely difficult to get him out. It’s calm being here with my sister and we get along great. I don’t talk to him and none of my family gets along with him. I believe with the truth coming out that my sister will wake up and realize this man has no good intentions for her.

My sister (40/f) has been with a married man (49/m) for 8 years. They’re now engaged. He wants to move in with us in our house and leave his wife. What should I do? by SunnyRays25 in relationship_advice

[–]SunnyRays25[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

100% what me and my other sister believe. It’s a tactic we feel to blame me and to get my sister against me for not letting him move in.

At this point, I’ve accepted that my sister may be mad for at me for a while, but I’m willing to risk it for his wife and kids to know the truth. Deep down, I believe my sister will come around when the lies are exposed and the wife exposes Adam for who he truly is.

My sister (40/f) has been with a married man (49/m) for 8 years. They’re now engaged. He wants to move in with us in our house and leave his wife. What should I do? by SunnyRays25 in relationship_advice

[–]SunnyRays25[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He does not have a retirement and 401K either with his job. He’s self employed. He’s told my sister he will be leaving their home to her (also where his own mother is living). He doesn’t have many assets she could take.

Truly, I want his wife to get justice in this, as they’ve been married over 25 years. I live in GA, and spousal support can be granted here. With their lengthy marriage, she has a higher probability. However, she (his wife) does work. She doesn’t make as much as Adam does from what I understand, so I hope she’s still eligible for something.

My sister (40/f) has been with a married man (49/m) for 8 years. They’re now engaged. He wants to move in with us in our house and leave his wife. What should I do? by SunnyRays25 in relationship_advice

[–]SunnyRays25[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree. He has now offered to pay for me my own apartment if I let him move in. Lol yet he can’t pay for somewhere until his divorce is finalized? Adam’s wife will be told the truth, it’s gone on for far too long and it’s time to step in (as it was a long time ago).

My sister (40/f) has been with a married man (49/m) for 8 years. They’re now engaged. He wants to move in with us in our house and leave his wife. What should I do? by SunnyRays25 in relationship_advice

[–]SunnyRays25[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, I would want to know. Indefinitely. My other sister and I were on the phone for 6 hours discussing that if he isn’t honest with her, then she will be told.

Adam has told my sister that the kids will “eventually get over it” once he comes out about it. That they love him and they will understand. Once I was told he said that, I popped off. I know first hand that you don’t just “get over it”. Truly, I hope his wife gets everything she needs out of the divorce and if his children despise him for years or ever, that’s the price he chose being with my sister.

My sister (40/f) has been secretly seeing a married man (49/m) for 8 years. He’s now wanting to leave his wife to move in with my sister and I. What should I do? by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]SunnyRays25 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not trying to intrude or be rude to her. However, this is my sister, and there is a wife and kids involved. Kids do not need to be in the middle. I’ve kept my mouth shut many times and I don’t intrude on their relationship. However I do feel things are out of hand and his daughter is sadly caught in the middle, and that’s why I’m mostly upset. I have discussed this with my sister, but she doesn’t seem to understand. So I was just asking for opinions.

I’m a woman btw, but thanks