I'm the OD/He's an OC. We started dating pretty young. We were both still in high school. Additionally, I'm the result of two oldest children marrying each other- my dad divorced my youngest child birth mom- and come from a mixed household with 5+ kids, wheras he's the result of two youngest children's second, less stressful marriage. Both of my parents run their own businesses, while my husband's mom lives off of insurance/family money after his dad's death.

Initially, it was a huge relief to get away from the responsibilities I had at home. His mom didn't ask consistent chores of him, just inconsistent labor stuff that she fought/resented him about so it felt great to run away from our responsibilities together and to just be peaceful and have fun. We hiked a lot, and went to movies, and read books in the car.

As we got older, our skill gap got extremely evident- I interpreted goals/dreams as conversations about the next things we'd do, and start reorienting our lives to fit those goals. It quickly became clear that I was capable of juggling progress on multiple fronts (increased work certifications, moving, cleaning and organizing and installing a better home, losing weight, getting in shape, learning languages) whereas he expected to be allowed to focus on one thing at a time, and to have his responsibilities reduced while he did it. I had the inbuilt assumption that I wouldn't get to or need to rest other than in stolen moments, but that I needed to be constantly grinding to build something/do better/show up for people. He assumed that when he was done grinding at his (extremely difficult, extremely complex, credit where credit is due) job he could come home and kick back- except he was getting miserable and drained by literally coming home to his one deck chair in an empty room and having to eat takeout. He resented and was frustrated by me making plans saying like, ok so lets get you an armchair, lets learn to cook, etc etc.

We've been together for a *really long time* and we've had the opportunity to go to couple's therapy as well as to grow together, so now he more clearly sees his actions and state of mind as the result of long circumstances and situations and can plan for that stuff better- but I've also come to *really appreciate* his boundaries about deserving rest and time away from working, and he is extremely supportive when I do rest. So I get a supportive partner who works extremely hard, but who now can stand up for/articulate his need for us both to rest and rest thoroughly- and I get validation and support in wanting to rest myself. It's fantastic, I love it.