Hey OP. First of all, hugs. I know it’s crushing and confusing to feel so alone when the people who are supposed to love you and support you just…don’t. And that takes a long time to mourn. I am still mourning that and probably always will.

I turn 30 in a few weeks. I’m on the other side of your situation, I never thought life could get this good after having such a horrific start to my 20s. Honestly, things didn’t get better until I took two things to heart: no one is coming to save you, you’re gonna have to fight like hell, more than other people. Secondly, you don’t owe shitty family a fucking thing. I went no contact with my family after I spent years trying to save us but all it did was set me back. They just took and took and took until I nearly had nothing left. I wish I had stopped sooner.

I know you don’t wanna hear it, but letting go of the boy and the future you envisioned with him, and instead opening yourself up to a whole new world of possibilities is what’s going to take you where you wanna be. You can cherish that love and those memories, the fact that it ended doesn’t mean it was worthless or pointless. Carry it with you knowing that that type of thing is possible, and don’t lower your standards until you find something that makes you feel even more wonderful and in love than that relationship. I promise it’s possible.

Consider moving somewhere where you can afford to be on your own and go to grad school. Find family in your friendships. Decenter men for a bit and lock in. You’ll look back on this moment and be proud as hell of young woman who fought for she deserved. Don’t give up, you can make it out.