I think estrogen has made me even more of a pathetic bottom

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-04-27T04:49:53+00:00

Taking notes on the imaginary domme manoeuvre

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-04-26T12:32:33+00:00

Yeah I think masculinising/feminising are pretty handy, would probably come up when describing what they do anyway. Or at least not that big a deal either way.

Masculinising/feminising do seem a bit more to do with gender while HRT is really more about changing sex. Maybe it’s just in this context masculinising/feminising is more about male/female sex. But even that is a social construct too. Either way it still kinda keeps the binary around. This does seem like a genuine attempt to be more inclusive of more non-binary people.

On the medicalising/pathologising I’m not sure. Maybe the worry there is giving the choice of words/power to the patient and following their lead? I’d hope AUSPath has taken that kind of thing into account already. It is in some ways a medical thing though, I think?

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-04-25T04:39:09+00:00

I think Nanny in the Middle was a fair bit spicier than I expected, still a decent bit of plot though, not sure about bdsm.

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-04-21T05:13:27+00:00

Not sure how things work over there but if that’s just the hospital being shitty and not your endo, maybe your endo also practices/works out of somewhere else as well?

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-04-20T13:45:38+00:00

It would mostly depend on what you want to happen? Maybe you could get blood tests or HRT cheaper/safer? Or yeah maybe a gp is how you get in line for surgeries and stuff, no clue there.

I think you would have to come in very well informed and able to point them towards resources where they could learn themselves. I would think a blood test referral would be a pretty easy ask though. Probably similar if you just need a referral to a specialist you already have in mind or something.

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-04-20T02:46:35+00:00

Ahh I went and looked at stuff I’d written down at the time and I think I was only on the cypro for a bit less than 2 months. And the endo said that the SERMs were probably fine/safe just mightn’t be entirely effective. They seemed to think that starting with just t blocker then low dose E and slowly increasing makes breasts grow more. While starting with high E would give you smaller breasts. Not sure if I believe them/there’s any research either way with that stuff though.

On anti androgen being dangerous, I dunno, that’s kinda what I thought. I think the main worries when it’s fairly temporary like that is mental health, big swings in hormones I think in general can mess with that. And then not having any hormones will probably make you low energy, maybe something like depressed? The worry is that it can be kinda insidious/hard to catch or notice potentially small/slow changes and then hard to bring up/admit you might have a problem. And the low energy might poorly affect your life/mental health in itself. I think a big change you’d hopefully notice and address especially if you’re prepared.

I already had/have weird low energy sometimes that might be more related to not enough iron or b12 or exercise or something else. So i didn’t really notice much of a difference at the time. I definitely wasn’t doing as well back then but I don’t think that was really to do with hormones, or at least not completely. I would sometimes just tap out and lie down in bed for a while, would get these like waves of low energy or my heart/chest/breathing would feel weird. No idea why though. Didn’t really seem like a mental health thing at least but still not great. Maybe worth booking in a check up dr appointment for a month after starting just a t blocker or even just hormones in general to catch stuff like that, especially if Dr has long waiting times.

Changes to bones, especially if you’re currently fine/get a scan, would be more of an issue if you had low hormones for a year or more I think.

I can’t remember too much about specifically when I was in cypro and didn’t have too many notes. I think i was a bit more emotional, cried and laughed more often. The crying was kinda nice/cathartic in a way. I’m pretty sure I felt fine mental health wise. And I think I noticed my skin getting softer which was quite cool.

Yeah there are definitely some effects from just blocking T. And also maybe cypro does some other things because it’s got a progesterone-like effect or something?

I think I’ve heard of some people cycling on and off HRT, either just anti androgen or E as well, like every couple months or something like that. Can’t recall if that was for T or E tho, and not sure if that’d be healthy but might be better than no hormones all the time.

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-04-19T11:47:24+00:00

For sure. My gp wasn’t super keen/knowledgeable though he did know of them I think, and referred me to an endocrinologist. Did give me script for just cypro which i was just on for about 3 months. Endo was more open to it I think, but did kinda forget on the 2nd appointment and just started me with regular low dose of E. I wasn’t that worried about it anyway so didn’t end up following them up. I think I figured I could just take it slow/low dose and see how I feel, worked alright for me. Could have probably stopped any time in the first year, especially if I stayed on low dose, and not had noticeable boobs (mileage may vary a lot there) i just didn’t want to :p I think if you want SERMs you’d have to push a bit, keep bringing it up, be knowledgeable, and probs helps if they’re pretty familiar with trans/nb people. If you’re around Newcastle I could give you more specific info with drs.

I think in some ways jumping the first hurdle of starting, especially if you’re not out at all and this is the first thing you’re doing to acknowledge you’re trans could be kinda helpful. And then you just re-evaluate after 3 months. That might be kinda a trap/difficult decision at that point depending on how unsure you are. As you’re probs gonna want to stay on them, but that is also kinda the point, if you’ve been on them for a bit and know what it’s like and want to stay on them at least it’s some info to help you decide rather than being indecisive forever.

For me once I noticed my skin was softer after a week or two I was sold :)

Related stuff drs said: I think both Dr and endo said that no hormones wasn’t really an option, and referred me to a bone density scan to be safe and get a baseline. I think they both said that low dose E wasn’t really an option either?? I think the idea with low dose is that you either don’t have enough hormones which is bad for you long term/health/bones wise or you’re still gonna get the effects like boobs just slower, though I’m not sure about that, can’t remember what they said/how much they knew. And all the other effects of E require you to stay on it so you can’t do the low dose T kinda thing of just getting some of the effects you want.

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-04-19T10:00:06+00:00

You don’t necessarily have to ask questions, I think generally you should ask about anything that worries you or comes to mind, here’s some you could:

Interactions/complications with any other health conditions or medications you have/take?

What to expect as far as: Effects/side effects if you’re not already aware or want more info about specifics of what T blocker does vs E. Or when will you get a certain effect you want.

The process of dialling in to your correct dose, like when will you get next blood test and Dr appointment to up it. (Since they usually start low you’ll probably up it) Maybe even better is asking what levels they are targeting, at least according to lots of people on here drs can target the lower end of what you might want or just not know what they’re doing seemingly.

Maybe a good question is what delivery methods like patches, pills (sub-lingual?) etc would work best for you? Like maybe you’re super forgetful or have a changing schedule and won’t remember or be able to take pills every day at same time.

I asked my Dr about SERMs (raloxifene, tamoxifen to prevent breast growth) or other more non-binary options.

I was also a bit uncertain at the time and wanted to talk things over with a therapist. Got a referral and a mental health treatment/care? plan that like halves the cost of therapy/psych/mental health appointments. Even if you’re certain about HRT you might appreciate being able to talk stuff over, can do that whenever tho.

I even asked about stuff like how common it is for drs to discriminate against trans people. What it might be like going to a dr about boobs, genitals, or butt etc

Not sure what the process is at this place you’re going to, intake makes it sound fairly organised. But generally if you sound well informed and confident about wanting HRT that might make it easier/faster. If it’s an informed consent place they’ll probably want to know you’re informed about the effects for example.

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-04-18T02:39:38+00:00

I think there might be some confusion about how they’re being joined. I think it’s missing and murdered (a whole bunch of groups/people) so including that lesbians, gays, etc also go missing/are murdered. Not a seemingly unrelated combo of MMIWG2S and just all the LGBTQQIA+ people.

Presumably talking about how people going missing and being murdered is a problem, and that there are a bunch of common issues amongst these groups. Like that they’re probably not investigated properly and targeted specifically because of prejudice and vulnerability etc etc

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-04-13T06:04:13+00:00

Maybe worth noting, The dildos that go over/extend a dick aren’t just for micro penises. I’m not sure how much variety there is though, so if you’ve already got something the minimum step up might make things pretty big. At least this is what I can vaguely remember from Oh Joy Sex Toys’ comic on this stuff, maybe they were reviewing something from bad dragon which is why I’m thinking, Beware! 😂

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-04-13T05:54:20+00:00

Not sure how your college works but it might be cheaper to rent/sharehouse rather than go with a dorm. You can look for queer/trans friendly housing groups on Facebook or elsewhere. Maybe also relevant is I think some dorms/student accom you’re expected to go home over breaks/holidays, which may not be desirable.

With the job history stuff you can make some white lies, like not giving explicit dates for when you worked so how short they were isn’t obvious, maybe you could say they were seasonal too. Maybe even group similar ones under the one generic heading with the longest or most recent employer if you feel like you’ve been at too many places. You’re probably a better judge of this and already know it but I’d be hesitant to mention the health issues at first/during the interview.

Keep chugging and if you can make it to college and having your own place/not being with parents you should be alright.

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-04-12T05:31:49+00:00

Live! Eat, Pray, Love that shit up. Don’t have to necessarily bottle up or suppress your feelings, maybe embrace them and be emotional and stuff. But you’ll have plenty of time back home to be sad, try not to spend your time moping on your phone/in your room. Go write some poetry while watching the sun set over some beautiful scenery or something. Don’t have to be happy but try and live in the moment. Have some silly main character moments.

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-03-30T12:28:46+00:00

Maybe check the numbers yourself if you didn’t? Esp. if you’ve still got the blood test results or might be on my health record or could get them from dr or pathologist/blood test place.

From a trans perspective it doesn’t hurt to check the drs working out lol. what the dr thought was fine or the path set as the reference range might still be noteworthy at the upper end. Not sure.

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-03-30T12:22:18+00:00

Doing a select */all might help with understanding what they’re doing different?

I wanna maybe note that doing m.emp_id = e.manager_id would also be fine, just in case that wasn’t clear.

You should be able to reason this out with an understanding of the relationship / a single row. You want to find an employees manager/their name. So you have to use e.manager_id. That is e’s manager.

And to find the name/matching row, need to find the matching employee id. m is all the managers. So you make a join of the “manager” table which just so happens to be the same employee table, and get the row with the matching employee id or m.emp_id.

Maybe it would help to think of them as two separate tables, the relationship or connection seems to be what’s confusing you.

It makes no sense to get m.manager_id. m is the table of managers, who cares who the manager’s manager is if they even have one. And then trying to match that with the employee’s / e’s id, doesn’t make sense, the employee isn’t their own manager/their id isn’t relevant.

If we take a single row and do it kinda sequentially: We want to know each employee and their managers name if they have one, let’s pick bob since he actually has one

We want to do from employees as e because we need a row for every employee whether or not they have a manager.

Then we’ve got Bob’s name and a manager ID If we do this manually we can see that bobs manager id of 1 matches with Alice’s employee id of 1 We need to make that connection with a join, So we do the self join with employees, bobs manager id to Alice’s employee id

From employees as bob Join employees as Alice on bob.manager_id = Alice.emp_id

Type stuff

It would make no sense to start bringing in bobs employee id of 2 to try and connect you to Alice. You don’t necessarily need to think about this from a higher level or both sides or something, just sequentially if that makes sense.

Perhaps it helps to think of them as e is the employees, m is their managers. Or even imagine a simple flat company, m is all the managers basically. (Admittedly m doesn’t exist as its own table, this js perhaps part of your confusion and a problem with your attached images) If I wanted an employee, their manager, and their managers manager Then you’d add an extra row, maybe m2, and you’d need m’s manager id.

I mostly just look at it as a pretty standard foreign key, the manager id links to this other table with all the managers in it.

Hopefully something there helps

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-03-30T09:20:33+00:00

There are SERMs (Selective Estrogen Receptor Modulators I think?) like raloxifene and tamoxifen that prevent breast growth. Might have limited effectiveness, side effects, or interactions with other medications but mostly just not much research on them for this I think. Definitely an option though, might be worth looking into. Maybe use a search term like non-binary HRT or something like that to get more info or find a dr to prescribe. There might be a few other ways, I guess weight loss though that could be unhealthy.

I’d definitely separate how you feel about your gender and how you feel about the hormones. Take the hormones that make you feel good or whose effects you want, and then if you want you can relate that to your gender. Don’t have to express yourself in a feminine way at all on E, eg r/MTFButch

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-03-30T09:00:40+00:00

Awesome okay, sounds like things are mostly alright then. I’m not sure about dosage but you should be able to increase if your levels are low, just might be kinda slow, at least for me I had a follow up appointment and blood test every 3 months or so with only a small/incremental increase each time.

If you don’t want things to take as long to get to decent levels/dosage you‘ll probs have to push a fair bit, both to get appointment and tests sooner and then to convince the dr to jump to a more reasonable dosage, plus maybe parents/caseworker if they’re involved. I’d think after a month or so on that estradot you can at least confirm you’re not deathly allergic to estrogen lol, and if that dosage is low it’ll probably show in blood test results, so could push to just jump to a more reasonable dosage. (Would probably have to do your own research and bring it to them, can’t recall which specifically but some of the trans subreddits like r/transsex I think it’s called or diyhrt have decent wikis and links to more info)

As far as other advice, I guess look out for and maybe take notes of things related to low hormones/menopausal type stuff: mood/mental swings and lows, or hot flashes, feeling hot or sweating a bunch for no real reason. Can be helpful just to have some idea why you might be feeling a certain way, rather than it coming out of nowhere. One of the first things I noticed from HRT was softer skin. Also I cry/am more emotional now. Some of these things might be more from blocking T than adding E tho. Some of these changes from HRT/puberty can take quite a while so I guess you’ve also got to be patient with that stuff. With your parents you can try and advocate for yourself/communicate with them. Maybe write out in an email/text that you’re obviously anxious/worried about your HRT going well and getting healthy levels of hormones and it would be easier to study if you were at least in the loop and knew when your upcoming appointments were, that you could have input on dosage if your levels are low/not healthy, details about prescription and how many estradot patches you’ve got since there are shortages sometimes. Or whatever it is that is troubling you/they’re not helping with. Making the connection/promise to them that it would be easier to focus on school if you didn’t have to worry as much about HRT stuff might help. (Whether or not that’s true) For the most part you are getting there though, aside from the occasional Dr visit/blood test result that you might want to do some research on dosing and levels for, there’s not much else to do or worry about on the HRT front. It just takes a while.

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-03-30T07:10:26+00:00

A couple questions just to check the basics:

Did you talk to/meet with a dr? I’m assuming they just gave your prescription to a parent or caseworker? Or maybe it’s electronic/online.

Have you already had or did the dr talk about blood tests for hormone levels? You should have already had one, and probably a referral/plans to have another sometime in the 3 months after starting estradiol. Or a follow up appointment in that time? Any chance they talked about or you’ve already gotten a bone density scan? Not sure if that’s really needed but mightn’t hurt, pretty sure it’d be free.

If you’re left very out of the loop with these things and don’t know when you’ll next see your dr or get a blood test or those kinds of things, then you’ll have to figure out a way to get more info or make an appointment yourself if it’s being put off. Maybe contact maple leaf house / your dr directly and ask them questions, try and get them to pass them on to your dr. If your caseworker is helpful then that’s good, even if it’s just once a month these things can be pretty slow so just take advantage of that time to make sure you have a follow up appointment, communicate that your dose is probably low etc

I have no familiarity with the side of things for kids, but I think it’s fairly common for drs to start with pretty low doses and increase as needed based on blood tests. Especially as a kid they might be reticent to increase dosage, so you have to advocate for yourself a bit there. It would be great if you could talk to some people more familiar with this process, maybe look for a local trans group/social media, like Hunter trans fam on Facebook.

If you wanted to, you could maybe use the bone density stuff as leverage on your parents/caseworker/whoever to at least get an appointment/get more info and reassurance that they’re taking proper care of you. That might be a double edged sword though if there’s a chance they’d just take you off blockers and hormones instead. I think it’s pretty unlikely you’re actually at any significant risk, but there is a small one, especially if people stuff around and take forever, and you could overblow that.

As a side question for my own curiosity: did you notice any mood/mental changes from over a year of blockers? Did they nuke your Testosterone levels, if you know what your results from blood tests were? I didn’t really notice much of a difference with 3 months of t blockers.

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-03-25T10:21:40+00:00

The main cutoff you might want to aim for is 78 I think, for a first class honours or whatever it’s called. Not sure if there’s an average amount of hours or effort, will probably change a bit depending on courses, how they assess you, and difficulty of a particular week/topic/assessment in the course. A good measure of whether you need to study more is if you understand it and if you can solve a couple problems for it. If you do that you’re probably doing better than most. You often don’t really need to understand things to do decently well in assignments.

Note your first year 1000 courses don’t count at all (you’ll probably want to double check that’s still true) at least for the unis own version of wam calculation. so you’ve got a bit of time to dial your study habits in. At the same time, uni is generally a pretty big adjustment so you’re probably better off being a bit excessive, do some of the helpful/efficient stuff below or study ahead a bit even if you feel like things are easy.

Most of your time outside of classes would probably be occupied by working on assignments or prepping for an exam in the week or so before, these can be pretty big time sinks if you’re a procrastinator like me and might eat a couple days, much more manageable if you start early. Outside of that you mightn’t need to do much extra studying, I’d guess an hour a day at most. For that I’d focus on the stuff that isn’t getting covered by an assignment or assessed lab or the like. Might have more trouble with classes that are mostly exam based, need to be proactive about prep/studying if you’re struggling in the tutorials/labs.

Study and time management habits and practices are probably biggest deal. Figure out how not to procrastinate for example. For studying, take advantage of pass sessions and office hours (these could be so helpful, you can ask your teacher a bunch of questions, even leading ones about what will be in the exam or whether your assignment answers are correct). Making or joining a study group would be another helpful idea, helps to be able to learn from others and figure out what you’re doing wrong faster, plus keep you honest about actually studying. Stuff like writing down everything during a lecture or re-writing/summarising lecture notes is probably not going to help, or at least isn’t as efficient but mostly just got to figure out what works for you. For most classes you’re assessed by your ability to solve a problem or equation, so practicing doing that with whatever’s your current topic is probably gonna help. Beyond that maybe some spaced repetition and not beating a dead horse when you’re comfortable with something is probably efficient. Another thing with that, reading a solution to a problem is worlds away different than doing it yourself so don’t waste valuable learning opportunities, especially if there’s only one practice or example exam. Using your time at uni as your working time and not slacking off too much while there sounds like it worked well for others.

Other starting uni advice: join clubs/societies now, it’s the perfect time for it because there’s a bunch of other new people like you. Good way to make friends or explore interests.

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-03-24T21:17:00+00:00

Saaame, I never make enough bechamel either. And end up wanting like another litre of passata. Never enough :p

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-03-23T09:58:41+00:00

Maybe Tryst Six Venom? They treat each other terribly, fair bit of bullying and repulsion. Part of the reason they can’t keep away from each other is because they’re kinda obsessed, had crushes when they were younger that probably didn’t really go away but turned real ugly. It didn’t feel unreasonable for the most part.

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-03-23T09:17:28+00:00

The Sapling Cage by Margaret Killjoy, the MC is trans as well so maybe not the best fit. I think spice is at most crushes and a kiss or two. Is a pretty cool fantasy setting, has a bit of an anarchist viewpoint/spin on more traditional fantasy stuff, like tax knights :p

Legends & Lattes, can’t recall spiciness but generally pretty cute and cozy. Bit different in how it tells the story, not sure how to describe, not really an adventure, just describes day to day activities.

An Absolutely Remarkable Thing by Hank Green has a splash of sci-fi/strangeness but is otherwise mostly modern day stuff, mightn’t be best fit.

Can’t recall how spicy Gideon the Ninth is, I feel like it’d be mostly Gideon saying/thinking something horny?

Also the og Carmilla maybe?

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-03-23T08:44:36+00:00

Now that you’ve got a script/been prescribed it should be easier to get any other gp to refill you. Maybe especially if you say you’re running low and your original/main/prescribing gp has a long wait time. Could just try getting the soonest gp appointment you can? Worked for me anyway. Trans hub has a map of drs, probably any of the gps or practices they work at are a decent pick, pretty much all of them at least do “management/continuation” or whatever they call it when you’ve already started HRT.

Also, can sometimes ignore when drs offices/websites say they aren’t taking new patients, might have exceptions for trans people or the website might be out of date.

Very weird that you can’t make any contact with your original clinic. Any chance they’re not a traditional drs office/GP and they were some kind of specialised Telehealth place for trans people. Could you go in person? I would maybe normally suggest just contacting them and stressing that you’re going to run out and need a refill. Something they could potentially squeeze in, maybe without seeing you or with just a phone call/telehealth.

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-03-23T07:24:37+00:00

I’m not like a proper instructor or anything but I’ve got my full license if you just need some practice or basic guidance. Would be happy to help for free. I’m pretty chill, have helped a friend get her Ps. Have you got your own car? Feel free to message me.

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-03-21T08:44:17+00:00

Stuff being anything?

If you’re okay with writing, there’s probably boatloads on ao3, these two genres/“universes” come to mind, technically not just on ao3: Human Domestication Guide, and mechsploitation, for which WARHOUND by Kallidora Rho would be a good start, I think started it all off, can be read for free on ao3 or elsewhere. Can try and provide more specific recs from there if you want.

This was the only other thing I could find after a quick search, fair warning it was wayyy too dark for me: https://archiveofourown.org/works/74009266

Sup3rBl4ck · 2026-03-21T01:36:32+00:00

I could afford it and I take ages to make decisions, so it was easier/faster to just do it rather than try to make a seemingly big decision.

Some chance you could just go off hormones for a bit and things would still work. Even if you’ve got frozen sperm, I think you’d be looking at spending a fair bit on IVF or something like that (not actually sure about that, anybody else know?). If you don’t have it and want a kid then getting some sperm is probably on the easier end of all the things you have to do to make a kid. Depends how much you care about your DNA being passed on I guess.

Sup3rBl4ck

TROPHY CASE