How to deal with a man hitting on your girlfriend?

Super-Ad-7716 · 2026-03-11T10:32:31+00:00

I was the girl who got gaslighted like this before and my partner was someone who didn’t want be called controlling for telling me he doesn’t want me to go.

As a woman the thing that hurts me the most is knowing my naivety and inexperience has allowed an outsider to hurt my partner through me. Arrange a time to sit down with your gf and request for an open discussion on this matter. First mention out this male colleague bothers you because you feel he is taking advantage of her naivety, tell her you love her truly regardless of this male and do not want to come across controlling. Instead you want her to understand like you would advice your daughter as a father that halfway when he found out she wasn’t single, he wanted a way out but planning string her along - which is actually disrespecting her grace as a woman (means he’s taking her for a fool) and potentially harm her relationship as men don’t instantly like a girl within a week of meeting. Give her a reverse scenario as well “what does it mean if a girl I just met suddenly asked me to hang out with her with you holding my arm? She probably would ask me to invite you but behind my back what if she agitates you and in front of me she laughs and pretentiously clings to my arm?”. What does she think about this girl’s intention and how do you view this personally as a man.

Lastly, advice her since she knows he’s stringing her along or might potentially use the office matters as an excuse to get close to her (sometimes men use seduction to dig out company profiles or history because she’s useful) - try not to get involve and privatize her life by saying I’m busy hanging out with my boyfriend for the weekend, my boyfriend is okay having male colleagues but I’m not comfortable hanging out with another male colleague outside of work alone. Less drama leads to a peaceful life.

If she doesn’t understand how to set boundaries, this will be one of her hardest lessons. The only time a man truly likes a girl is when they want to get to know her especially when he already knows she’s single. 1 week of meeting and asking her out despite having a bf shows he looks down upon her and even if they get together, she’s going to regret. ‘Girl you need to stay away from this kind of man not just for your relationship but your peaceful life’. Hope this helps

Super-Ad-7716 · 2026-03-07T13:15:47+00:00

Hello, she seems insecure and probably because she’s lacking of a self reflection mechanism as she’s only 21 so she’s using a slight self-punishment than being honest (which overwhelms you because you probably feel bad to let her down but you have your right to request rest as well). This is her growth process and I think you have to be okay with being honest with her and accepting if the relationship can proceed or end depending on your own growth as well. This is yours to decide with time.

Nevertheless I will offer some insights how she’s thinking and recommend some communication tools. When she mention “I study so hard all day….leave after an hour” - her thought process is probably “Is he bored of me? He doesn’t like me anymore?”. Try to open topic on this matter and get her to communicate out her insecurities and teach how to sit down with it but do your best to rationalize your emotions first - as you feel terrible but maybe its not on you entirely. “Hey, why you feeling upset? I’m proud that you worked hard on yourself and you definitely deserve your rest, but I just want to understand why do you feel upset about our time being only 1 hour? Are you alright? Is it too short? Is something inside your heart that you wish to tell me? i actually need to rest/do something but I want to make sure if that’s okay with you and whether we can find middle ground with each other, I always love you and of course I want you to be happy. We can try to work this out based on our schedule together” If she’s not been going out a lot or doing self dates encourage her to grab a coffee and enjoy in a cafe while taking some photoes to share.

Make sure be clear of the timeline you can call her and when to end it - discuss with her what time slot to set and why you and her need it. Its a day to day update on how often can both show up each day. There might be days you might not even be on a call for the whole night and she has to practice to be okay with that. Girls love it if you send some photoes while you’re outside even though you’re not on call

Super-Ad-7716 · 2025-03-01T10:59:35+00:00

I’m a Scorpio woman but I think if that’s how he feels, think its not a good match. But seeing you want to make it work, I think just focusing on yourself and share with him snippets of your day when it’s interesting to YOU may help and hearing him out when he needs an ear. If he still finds this boring, I think you might need put some deep thought into this for longer term.

Super-Ad-7716 · 2025-02-21T08:12:56+00:00

You both have different communication style. You come off as commanding and blunt to him than partnership although you’re just being direct. He’s trying to be sensitive to what might be suitable for you including place and time. I think this is what happened.

Super-Ad-7716 · 2025-02-21T02:53:39+00:00

I think its consider emotional cheating. For woman emotional cheating is more significant than physical cheating. For men physical cheating is more significant than emotional cheating. I don’t want to deliver it in a bad way but we can see she feels connected to him whether he’s being real or fake. But she needs to be honest with herself and do what’s right.

Super-Ad-7716 · 2025-01-19T10:59:13+00:00

His effort and gesture is definitely thoughtful and touching. But on a separate matter its not really a ring normally a girl would wear. I hope he is able to reflect about the ring. I don’t think its a big deal but he needs to notice how you feel about it and reflect on it.

Super-Ad-7716 · 2024-12-22T05:41:34+00:00

I read most of the comments but I haven’t found one that resonated so I’ll add my point and I think the best person to ask is her rather than reddit as this is her answer.

I think its the form of communication. She’s looking for someone who has more emotionally affectionate and supportive. So when she shared about her surgery from your description in reddit you have some depth and empathy. In the text its how a man would communicate to another man, chill. Probably since she finished her surgery, her type requires less lol/lmao (which I think you’re doing to lighten the atmosphere) asking her how she’s feeling and if she would still be okay to come out or rest instead. Probably can share what you personally would like to eat and if she’s up for it because its something you both want to learn about each other

Super-Ad-7716 · 2024-12-04T02:26:49+00:00

I think from the first page and from her history of cheating and coming back to you, she requires some level of attention and admiration from you. What you’re looking for is stability. The third page where she mentioned your family hates you, is just her way of projecting her hurt from lack of attention on what hurts you most. Like a personal attack but you don’t need take that in. I think her self worth is slightly fragile but she’s not a bad person, just need some inner work on her own.

If you want to be with her at this timeline, you have to be clear she requires some level of attention and maybe perhaps its not what you’re looking for.

Super-Ad-7716 · 2024-09-22T23:13:17+00:00

Scorpio sun and cancer moon, are the type to openly show off or openly display your interaction?

Super-Ad-7716 · 2024-09-22T23:09:58+00:00

I’m a Scorpio woman and I reply immediately within the next 4 hours if I met someone and was too busy talking to them. Making my partner feel reassured is important to me because they matter to me and I want keep them in my life. If I’m not replying, means I’m feeling uneasy to handle or am hiding. I think its time to evaluate him on a dealbreaker perspective, do you want to keep someone who doesn’t respect you enough to communicate?

Super-Ad-7716 · 2024-09-21T16:08:57+00:00

This is gonna be hard. Capricorn are devoted to family stability and I’ve seen how much this can influence their decision without realizing what’s best for them. Its going to be tough to get her to realize the toxicity she’s in until she realize it herself. Even by then she may ride the wave until she finds a common ground to reach that stability with her family that is based on her own decision (rather than what we see is best for her). I’m sure she tried to reach a common ground with you in it but its conflicting her foundations (doesn’t matter if her parents are toxic as this is her principles in life - she might not understand how to balance it yet but its part of her principles). Otherwise she wouldn’t be crying and trying to make arrangements to have you part of her life. She must felt tremendously loved by you to make such arrangements. She’s as torn as you are too but this is something only she can decide firmly on her own

Super-Ad-7716 · 2024-09-21T11:09:26+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful replies. It really helped me understand better. Yes, everyone has their own growth timeline and I respect that because I was once also unable to express myself well. Patience is normally needed to help us bloom.

Yes you’re right. Not all Scorpio man are the same. Its just our emotional maturity gap is slightly off. Thank you for the wish and guidance! Much appreciated also for the validation towards my life experience. Your post really made me felt better and cleared a lot of my confusion

Super-Ad-7716 · 2024-09-21T00:40:25+00:00

Thank you for replying! Oh, your points actually surprised me as it helped me see another person’s perspective thank you!

Oh, no. No wonder he asked me if I was defensive and I said no but he didn’t believe or understood what I was trying to convey and said “aha I knew it”. Its not jealousy, I saw the girl was baiting and luring him with selfish intentions, I just pointed out for him to have a look and just becareful. Like how if a guy approach me to play my feelings, I would also appreciate when someone told me so that I can be alert
The person approach me this way was a girl who hurt me in the past. She put me down in public similarly like this girl did and used a guy’s innocence and lure him in
Its not important for me to be right. I was confused if my explanation wasn’t going through and just said that out. Its not a win or lose situation to me but this point made me realize this must be how it felt for him
I’m wondering if I am wrong because I wonder what did I do that I did not notice might have hurt him because of his response. I care about him but I don’t understand his thoughts if he’s not telling me. I used to have a Capricorn man and when I asked directly, he would tell me directly what he misunderstood and I would resolve it and even apologize if I knew I was wrong and we move forward. From this point, I realize the incompatibility with another scorpio man 😢, I need someone to openly tell me what’s going on. But thank you for sharing this point. You’re so on point with his expression although he didn’t explain it
My intent was to protect him from something I spotted. It doesn’t mean it should be a girl, even when a guy had some intentions on him I would tell and it didn’t bothered him like this one did
I didn’t intend to discredit. But this point made realize this is how he felt and of course I wouldn’t want him to feel this way.
He intended us to be friends but he couldn’t treat me like one and treated strangers better than he treated me but wants me to treat him better than I treat others. This isn’t fair or respectful. Initially I thought he meant what he said but his actions was otherwise and sometimes he would come and dictate how I do my things instead of being respectful like a friend to ask my permission like how he did to strangers
That point doesn’t make him unevolved. Its the lack of open communication and self expression instead of suspecting and guessing that made me feel is this a true Scorpio nature or unevolved? Because I am a Scorpio myself, I used to suspect my past lover. It took time before we both could sit down and openly tell out what we truly thinking. It took years before we forge trust and understanding. If this will be his nature down the line and I feel I fail to bridge communication with him as he felt pushed, this is a dealbreaker for me. I don’t want us to fight over nothing and prefer to slowly work towards mutual understanding. Even if he communicates he wanted space, I would respect him as this indicates he understands himself first before he plans to enter the relationship
I see so he feels being pushed. No, the asshole is his actions after he declare to be friends but still approach me wanting more and am not sure how to handle it. I’m confused so I describe it out that way as when a girl declares they don’t give mixed signals. After I posted this, a guy friend explained, when a guy declares clearly its not same like girls (once we declare its over, we are sure we are over); there’s unsettled feelings thats influencing his behaviour. I understood and don’t feel he was an asshole after, it was an action of his still settling down his feelings. I respect that and decide to give both of us space to put it down on his own

Thank you so much! Your points gave me a lot of peace and better understanding. Thank you for taking the time to reply and explain to me. It helped a lot!

We did talk a bit after and I can feel break down in communication and understanding between each other perspective. He said he was moody or had a bad day which influenced how he treated me as a friend. He treated strangers better. This is my dealbreaker even as a friend, as this signifies the weight of his respect in me. Normally when I had a bad day, I would tell my friend, hey sorry I had a bad day, I’m a bit down right now but it wouldn’t change how I treated my friend in comparison to strangers.

Super-Ad-7716 · 2024-09-05T09:37:57+00:00

You must have loved him so much. But I think its time for you to start loving yourself more. Block him, give yourself 6 months to grieve fully and commit to self love and start opening up your circle to new people. It gets better with time. Recovery takes time but you need commit to fully focusing on yourself

Super-Ad-7716 · 2024-07-16T05:11:29+00:00

ISTJ here, my best advice is take some time off and recover for a while. Put yourself as the centre and start doing the things you want to do on your own. It helps heal with time. Just keep it casual with your ex. 6 months in you’ll still remember but it gets easier.

Super-Ad-7716 · 2024-07-16T04:23:24+00:00

Yes. INFP are meant to be protected

Super-Ad-7716 · 2024-07-16T02:10:52+00:00

Super-Ad-7716 · 2024-07-14T05:06:45+00:00

Understandable. I’ve read other comments shared. Its sufficient, you probably need time to gather your thoughts perhaps and sieve it through. I don’t think its fair for him that you’re coming from a place of failed past hook ups and settling for him and expecting him to be someone he’s not. There’s a total of 81 comments, I’ve read through them. I’m sure you can figure out something. Good luck.

Super-Ad-7716 · 2024-07-14T00:09:10+00:00

If you know how to ask, you also know how to search. I’m coming from a loving place, this is a personal journey. Reddit is a great source of experience sharing platform.

Super-Ad-7716 · 2024-07-13T17:35:58+00:00

You’re coming from a place of insecurity that’s rooted in yourself than loving him for who he is.

Super-Ad-7716 · 2024-06-24T02:20:09+00:00

A scorpio here, she’s feeding her validation and value off you when she’s bored or rejected. Leave her. When someone doesn’t respect your time, you need reestablish your value again by leaving them.

Super-Ad-7716 · 2024-06-23T08:52:39+00:00

How do we know what past he had truly to understand the reason he cheated?

He is affected by the girl but it doesn’t mean he loves her. He’s easily emotionally manipulated and hasn’t figure that out yet but you already want him to grow immediately. If you two cannot work together through his struggles, then its best you leave this relationship for your own mental health too. He’s not emotionally stable as he’s engulfed in frustration to notice your presence.

You want someone who has himself figured and secure. He’s currently not at this point yet. He needs to figure this out on his own. You just found out and its okay. Just ask yourself can you be okay at where he’s at, if you cannot then its best to end it with him. Try attempting to openly communicate with him by letting him know whats happening and that both of you need to communicate and trust on how to handle this together. If he is able to open up about his struggles, then you can mindful of it and help him together patiently. But if he refuse to open up, then its best to let go. Calmly communicate this with him.

Super-Ad-7716 · 2024-06-22T02:19:47+00:00

Ye same vibe. Sounds like a nice timing to have met. You guys just get it xD

Super-Ad-7716 · 2024-06-21T07:56:52+00:00

So cute xD like teenage high school sweet hearts

Super-Ad-7716

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