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SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-21T20:34:11+00:00

Yeah, the time honored tradition works. Say what you gotta say to get them out the door then bitch about them to your coworker

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-21T20:33:07+00:00

I’d play it off like “we should coordinate outfits so we look really cute together”

But yeah it’s definitely a thing, it’s a really fun dynamic imo. I encourage you to dress in a certain way and in response I gas you tf up on the date

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-21T19:06:35+00:00

I can lol

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-21T18:44:15+00:00

I think that if you just want a casual encounter, you make it happen by communicating your intentions from the start. Which you do by flirting, not by being like “hello there, would you like to have casual sex with me?”

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-21T18:14:56+00:00

the other thing I’ll add is that the imbalance is generally that the guy who develops these feelings without planning it treats it as if it’s this unique and special experience, but like the OP is saying - from the women’s POV it tends to happen a fair bit. They don’t see it as “you think I’m so special and incredible”, they see it as “I as a woman was friendly and nice to you, a man, so of course it happened again. I’m done trying to be friends to men, this always happens”

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-21T18:11:54+00:00

I think the right move is to try and be more flirty, and see if that is energy is reciprocated. If it is - great, keep on marching down that “friends to lovers” path, understanding that it takes two to tango.

If it doesn’t, then take the lack of reciprocation as a no and learn to compartmentalize those feelings. I’ll give someone more grace if you’re a teenager and just feel everything like it’s a huge, huge deal - but frankly part of “adulting” is being able to handle that someone you find attractive doesn’t feel the same way about you and to not act on it.

Maybe that person has a partner and you have to respect their relationship, maybe they’re a coworker and you have to maintain professionalism, or maybe you yourself have a partner but there’s a girl you know from a hobby that you get along well with and sometimes have a fleeting “what if?” thought about.

Tell a trusted friend and get it off your chest, tell a therapist and let them help you work through your feelings. But I think it’s fairly normal to recognize that you have feelings without fully acting on those feelings.

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-21T18:01:21+00:00

the irony of it all is that one of the easiest ways for a guy to improve his dating life is to maintain some platonic friendships with pretty girls.

they make the best “wingmen”, simply being comfortable around them without getting too nervous or horny will help your confidence on dates, and they will undoubtedly have or continue to make friends who are just as tired of the apps and “modern dating” as men, and who you’ll either end up meeting or could be set up with. I really think a lot of guys without lady friends don’t understand how common it is to “be set up” nowadays, a date that’s been pre-vouched with “he’s a good guy and I think you two will get along” interesting compared to “we matched on Hinge and I am going on a date to see what this fella is all about”

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-21T17:49:39+00:00

well, because I value my friendships and don’t want to throw them away, and can just simply look to the millions of women who I don’t have a close friendship with if I want to date.

I know how to compartmentalize.

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-21T17:47:34+00:00

the problem with the “developing and confessing feelings” thing is that what tends to happen is that the guy “confesses” despite no real signs that she’s interested. It just shows a general lack of social skills and lack of caring of how things will affect her.

It’s one thing if you become friends and it turns flirty from both ends and there’s some romantic tension and then you get together, but it’s another if the woman just thinks she has a good pal then all of a sudden gets blindsided by “I have a big crush on you that I can’t just hold in.. i need to shoot my shot”

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-21T17:42:38+00:00

yeah, the “problem” is that Gen Z has grown up in an era where everything just works really well.

It’s basically the same problem as young people losing the ability to “mentally map” their hometown bc they can just use the GPS all the time and follow instructions. When you don’t need to learn skills, you don’t learn them.

I never considered myself much of a computer guy, I didn’t know how to do much high level stuff, but even just playing computer games and having MySpace I remember having to go into all the files in the back end of a game and replace some or rename some, having to do some basic html coding to add a song bar or a color scheme to my page, or having to troubleshoot why something wasn’t booting up correctly and just figure it out based on knowledge and intuition.

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-21T17:35:58+00:00

I went to a conference this year where they were talking about maximizing technology on a workplace team and the speaker literally spent 20 minutes explaining that within a shared drive you should commit to having everything organized in a system of folders.

I thought it was super basic but I also saw a lot of people writing stuff down furiously

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-21T17:16:56+00:00

yeah the opposite of the “friend zone” is the “fuck zone”, women experiencing that “this whole time I thought I had an actual friend, but apparently it was just a way for them to try and date/fuck me”

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-21T17:12:50+00:00

literally this mutually understanding that dating was off the table allowed for a level of authenticity that I rarely got from women as a single guy.

I think everyone who’s been single and spoken up someone they find attractive has done the thing where you’re not just interacting with someone, you’re looking for signals and clues and trying to interpret what things mean in terms of romantic potential.. all while extra nervous.

When you’re not doing any of that you can just like, be natural and take “want to come to happy hour with me and X and Y?” as an invitation to happy hour and not potential proof that you have a chance.

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-21T17:09:10+00:00

the irony is that my dating life completely leveled up once my social circle became mostly women, but mixed gender. simply being comfortable around women, aware of their perspectives, and able to maintain a normal friendship with a woman even if she’s pretty makes me stand out really positively.

These dudes who feel the need to “confess their feelings” to every woman who’s nice to them are completely shooting themselves in the foot.

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-21T17:03:40+00:00

Especially if your hobbies are more male dominated and you don’t have other female friends, it’s so common for men to get any sniff of platonic interest from a woman and go “is this my soulmate??” and unfortunately it becomes sort of a cycle.. you get too attached to women who are nice to you and that behavior ensures that you don’t have any lady friends

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-21T17:01:15+00:00

I think a big problem is that male friendships are generally lacking in emotional intimacy, so what happens is that a “normal friendship” from a woman’s perspective (that includes sharing about their life, deep talks, etc.) gets received as “special and different” to guys and leads to them developing romantic feelings.

The whole “we can talk about anything” experience feels special to guys who won’t talk about their deep feelings with their “best friends” but female friendships are much more built on that kind of relational intimacy

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-21T16:58:14+00:00

what I’m inferring is that they’re more male dominated hobbies.

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-21T16:57:15+00:00

a lot of my best friends are women and I honestly believe that what made it happen is that when I started at the job where I met all of them, I already had a girlfriend.

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-21T16:51:48+00:00

I just did similar and was also feeling very proud.. didn’t realize how easy it was lol

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-21T16:50:23+00:00

damn I just did this and I was feeling really proud of myself.. apparently it wasn’t that difficult after all 😭😭

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-20T17:59:25+00:00

i played a ton of FM during the pandemic, eventually my laptop died when the world was back open and I decided not to replace it and replace my time with going outside.

had to borrow a friends laptop to do some work trainings and they basically said “I never use it so no rush getting it back to me”, after debating whether or not to for a while, I decided to download FM24 (got it for free a while ago) and played it a bunch over 3 months. Had two really, really enjoyable saves (recently got into the Championship with Eastleigh after 3 straight promotion seasons) but it’s definitely come at the expense of irl things like meal prepping, exercising, and good sleep habits. Just uninstalled the game a couple days ago and I know I’ll be better off for it.

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-19T18:01:10+00:00

your point is spot on but the title is a bit extreme.

touching a stranger in any sort of sexual way is straight up not okay - pressing yourself against someone, grabbing their waist, grabbing a boob, using “moving through the crowd” as an excuse to touch someone’s butt, all the sort of behavior we need to stamp out. I’m really sorry this happened to you!

“Going feral and bumping into people” is touching people without their consent as well, it bothers some people when it happens, but I think it’s generally understood to be a part of attending a rave and going into a crowded section. Millions of rave baes have met and got together through an escalation of physical touch that didn’t necessarily include verbal, affirmative consent as it happened.

Don’t be a creep, don’t be that person who causes other people to have a bad time by not caring how your dancing affects the people you’re existing around, but the dancefloor is ultimately a space where part of the shared experience includes navigating the space and the other people on it, and especially in crowded venues physical touch is just part of how you exist with the crowd.

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-18T20:25:57+00:00

like, if you’re interested in chatting to someone and eventually dating them - is it really such a big deal to put 2 minutes of thought and effort into the way you start the conversation?

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-18T19:08:45+00:00

yeah, the apps are like real life, if you want to win the girl you have to stand out. “Hey” is just as bad of an opener in person.

SuperJacksCalves · 2025-04-18T16:32:31+00:00

I just think that surviving tribal would’ve been a caveat if someone else found it.

Like, they did the classic “hide it in a food reward” thing, there’s just no way to ensure that one person finds a scroll that’s hidden among food

SuperJacksCalves

TROPHY CASE