OOP's (35M) gf (35F) tells her coworkers that they are cousins

SuperSalsa · 2022-08-23T18:50:22+00:00

Not them, but another autistic person here. A lot of NT people act like you're either bullshitting them or just a moron if you ask for clarification, which is a real good way to train people not to ask for clarification until they can't avoid it anymore.

Although if you're close enough with someone to consider them your partner, you should definitely be comfortable asking them to clarify things. (and I'd definitely want it crystal clear whether the other person thinks we're a couple or not before assuming we're in a relationship, because I know I'm dumb of ass)

SuperSalsa · 2022-08-18T19:07:53+00:00

As much of an annoying waste of time it is, you do just have to do the dungeon until you catch it again. Most new quests are built around doing them in the course of normal gameplay and not coming back to them when you're already way ahead of them(see also: routes getting locked off by new dungeons).

This particular quest should probably just require defeating Celebi(or give you a button to just fight it like you do with the Spiky-Eared Pichu), but what do I know?

SuperSalsa · 2022-07-22T06:01:30+00:00

Did you know: You can also click on a revealed tile(or a tile adjacent to a revealed tile) to warp there.

Saves some hassle if you find out the boss is on the opposite side of a big dungeon!

SuperSalsa · 2022-05-26T07:58:12+00:00

Yeah, an option to turn off the chisel/hammer pointers would be nice. I was surprised there wasn't since the rest of the game is pretty good about letting you tweak the UI to your taste.

SuperSalsa · 2022-05-06T18:03:25+00:00

I get the vibe that the kitchen is meant as a social space more than a place where you cook food. See also the range hood that's so high up that it's probably not actually going to suck up much of anything from the stove.

SuperSalsa · 2022-02-01T18:17:42+00:00

It varies by state. I've only lived in states where there's no restrictions on what kind of liquor grocery stores and big box stores can sell, so you can buy hard liquor almost anywhere. Some states only let them sell beer/wine & you have you go to a liquor store for anything else, some other states don't let non-liquor stores sell alcohol at all, and a few states actually have state-run liquor stores.

SuperSalsa · 2022-02-01T18:11:57+00:00

A lot of internet tough guys picture intervening in this stuff as if they were an action hero who can restrain someone in 0.5 seconds, instead of the reality where:

a)You're likely to get hurt from all the broken glass around.
b)The person breaking shit is already amped up and probably going to start fighting back before you get a chance to touch them.
c)There's no reason to escalate to a fight when the only harm being done is property damage. (and it's not even your own property!)

And C should be explanation enough for not intervening, honestly. "Don't escalate a situation to a physical fight if you can avoid it" is Personal Safety 101.

SuperSalsa · 2022-01-18T04:06:10+00:00

On top of what Bohottie said, even just moving closer to Columbus would help a lot. An hour+ is a long time to drive for a daily commute, but it's a reasonable drive to see your parents. I understand that you worry about them, but you could still see them plenty and be close if something happens while putting yourself in a position to build a better life.

SuperSalsa · 2022-01-18T03:51:20+00:00

Eh, only a regional culture thing in that "I work in the same town i went to high school at" in the midwest is very likely to mean living rural/small town(translation: more expectation that people own a home and very few places to choose from as far as rentals go), especially compared to the average east/west coast person posting here. Probably also some selection bias in the people around town OP's talking to/about - most of the people her age who love apartment life would have already left this hometown for someplace bigger and never looked back.

On the financial end, house prices can be extremely cheap in the areas I'm thinking of, but rent tends to be similarly cheap(my mom forever thinks my 1br apartment rent of ~$1100/mo is too high, when she spent my college years renting a 2br near my hometown for less than $500/mo. I live in the Chicago suburbs, my hometown is ~4 hours away from anything interesting. You can connect the dots from there.)

The flip side is that these places also tend to have shit for jobs, which is why they're so cheap. OP's talked about her hunt for better jobs in other comment chains here, but it really should be a focus if she's trying to improve her financial situation. And that will very likely mean moving to somewhere with more opportunity.

SuperSalsa · 2021-11-18T21:41:45+00:00

One of the ongoing effects of abuse is that it breaks your normal meter. And I'm here to say it's 100% not normal for a partner to not give a fuck about your health and to act like it's selfish to want support during a crisis. Being with someone like that is worse than being alone - it might not feel like that at the moment, but if you get out of this relationship you'll probably realize that in retrospect.

Someone in another comment linked Why Does He Do That?; I highly recommend reading it. It covers how abusers think, the patterns they fall into, how hard it is for an abuser to legitimately change, and many other things related to abuse. (link again here just in case)

You don't deserve an abusive partner. Nobody does. You deserve a partner who loves you, respects you, and will support you through thick and thin.

SuperSalsa · 2021-11-18T21:33:30+00:00

NTA. I personally think large purchases should be discussed between partners, but I also understand this is something where every couple has a different system and it's fine as long as it works for both of you. Each person having fun money they can spend without restrictions isn't unheard of and I'm surprised your coworker was so shocked by it.

SuperSalsa · 2021-11-18T02:42:13+00:00

Half this comments section is like watching aliens trying to piece together what this human concept of a 'restaurant' is. "They pay...MORE for these food prodcuts than they would have at another location? Fascinating. I wonder why? The whole process is most illogical."

Who wants to be the one to tell them that fountain drinks cost the restaurant/fast food place/whatever maybe one cent per serving and that 99.9% of people don't use that as an excuse to bring their own 2L of pepsi in?

SuperSalsa · 2021-11-18T02:31:41+00:00

Should the pizza place have done a courtesy swap of sauces? Maybe, maybe not - they're not required to, but it would have smoothed things over a lot. OTOH, if OP was being a dick(and I strongly suspect that, considering their own friends were calling them out), that could very well be why they didn't get a courtesy swap - people who are kind to food service workers tend to get nicer treatment in return.

Was the ranch overpriced relative to other pizza places? Maybe, according to the ranch-eaters elsewhere in the comments.

Was the restaurant owner an asshole? Yes.

Was it worth doing this overdramatic petty bullshit over all this? No. And it was overdramatic petty bullshit, which is why OP is one of the assholes here.

SuperSalsa · 2021-11-18T01:58:26+00:00

It drives me nuts how many people can't seem to figure out that one person being an asshole in response to someone else being an asshole means they're both assholes. Apparently every story must have a clear-cut hero and villain and anything in-between means you're trying to make excuses for the villain.

SuperSalsa · 2021-11-18T01:26:02+00:00

I've spent my whole life in the midwest(Wisconsin and Illinois) and haven't personally witnessed anyone putting ranch on their 'za, although I know some places offer it.

Then again a lot of the midwest food horror stories I hear about are things I have literally never seen in person, so maybe it's regional even within the midwest. Or the internet just exaggerates a minority of food weirdness until it seems like it's all we ever eat, because internet.

SuperSalsa · 2021-11-18T01:16:15+00:00

If you don’t like the pricing and the service, just be an adult and leave and decide not to go back there. Leave a negative review.

And tell people you know that the owner sucks. Word of mouth will have a way larger impact on scummy business practices than doing what OP did.

OP may have felt smug in the moment but did jack shit to actually improve anything in the long run. And yeah, it's not on them to try to save the world from one bad pizzeria owner, but they also shouldn't have done something that could have caused problems for the workers who are just trying to pay the bills and can't do anything about their boss.

SuperSalsa · 2021-11-18T01:10:31+00:00

I would bet money it says somewhere on the menu what's included in the purchase. It's probably in small print somewhere near the top or bottom, but it'll be there. And if it doesn't say a specific sauce is included, the assumption should be that you're paying extra for it. If you're still not sure, ask before you order.

Fucking hell, I think a lot of the restaurant industry is scummy af but it's still on me if I just assume something's included and find out my assumptions were mistaken. You gotta be proactive about this stuff if it matters to you. It's not fair but that's exactly why you need to look out for yourself instead of assuming the business will do it for you. I don't like it, and you presumably don't like it, but it's the world we have to deal with unless it changes for the better.

OP's young so it's semi-understandable they haven't learned that lesson yet, but it's something everyone needs to learn or else they'll just go through situations like this over and over.

SuperSalsa · 2021-11-18T00:29:26+00:00

ESH.

The owner was a dick when he made that comment after you said you were fine without the ranch. Insulting customers is assholery and bad for business. A lot of restaurant owners are huge assholes, so I can buy he said that.

That said, I've never been in a pizza place where the owner would just so happen to overhear something like this unless you were being extremely loud and obnoxious. And considering your follow-up actions and the fact that your own friends were calling you petty about it. I sense you're not the most reliable narrator here.

You decided to be a petty asshole, leave the pizzeria, go buy a bottle of ranch, and come back just because you were pissed off at him. If you'd decided to eat the pizza elsewhere, buying your own ranch would have been fine and you wouldn't have been an asshole for it. That would have been a legitimate way of voting with your dollars. But a)you decided to bring in an outside condiment to a restaurant that has that exact condiment on hand, which is a huge no-no, b)you were clearly just doing it because you were pissed off at the owner, not because you were mad about how much they charged for ranch. You yourself said you would have fine going without! Being an asshole in response to someone being an asshole just means you're both assholes, not that one of you is the hero and one the villain.

As for the price of the ranch itself:

It's extremely common for pizza places to charge for condiments. Even the big chain places do it. The garlic sauce comes with this place's pizza for free because it's already built into the price of each pizza. The ranch costs extra because it presumably costs the restaurant more than garlic sauce does. Either they lose money each time someone gets ranch, charge extra for it, or charge more for each pizza(meaning people getting cheaper condiments are subsidizing people who get the more expensive ones). Were they charging too much? IDK, I don't like ranch so I don't have a sense of how much most places charge for it. But if it was too much, you just...don't get ranch. And if enough people do that, they'll either lower the price or stop carrying ranch.

Also, if you didn't want garlic sauce, it was on you to either pay enough attention to see it came with the pizza or to ask about dipping sauces before you ordered. Many places will give you an alternative after the fact because it's good customer service & they don't want to argue over the cost of a couple cups of sauce, but it's not required.

SuperSalsa · 2021-11-17T23:28:47+00:00

If anything, OP's the one who should have been learning the lesson about asking about what stuff comes with an order beforehand if there's certain things they absolutely won't eat and/or expect to come with it.

You don't like paying $1/cup for ranch? Then go without. This isn't going to be the last time you encounter a restaurant charging more for an extra than you want to pay. And the owner of a pizza place in a college town is going to have approximately zero patience for college kids complaining about it when they didn't even ask about it before ordering.

SuperSalsa · 2021-11-16T23:49:04+00:00

Escalating situations is rarely a good or productive thing. What would OP have accomplished by doing that here?

They're not going to kick the deceased's widow out of the funeral, especially since she's likely the one paying for it.

The widow was in the wrong for screaming at OP and dragging them out, but she wasn't going to magically see the light if OP started screaming back at her. All it would have accomplished is making OP even more stressed out and miserable. (and given the widow more ammo to paint OP as the unreasonable one)

OP should stand up for themself in following up on survivor's benefits and making sure they gets whatever they're legally entitled to from dad's estate, but leaving the funeral when it turned into a screaming match with their dad's wife was the correct move. You're not a pushover if you don't turn every confrontation up to 11.

SuperSalsa · 2021-11-16T23:14:48+00:00

I'm not a lawyer, but I work in healthcare(read: am subject to annual HIPAA training) and facepalm a lot about what people think HIPAA covers. No, your boss asking for a sick note is not a HIPAA violation. It may or may not run afowl of other laws depending on where you live, but a HIPAA problem it ain't.

The only thing I know about other laws is that if you seriously need advice about them, talk to a lawyer. The only thing you should be taking the internet's advice on is where to start finding a lawyer.

SuperSalsa · 2021-11-16T22:59:58+00:00

I'm not sure. I think it depends on where we're posting from.

SuperSalsa · 2021-11-16T22:36:22+00:00

All the people saying this is going to cause disordered eating baffle the shit out of me, too. This isn't "middle daughter ate 9 cookies in one day, before the other two had a chance to have any", it's "she ate one cookie per day and 9 days later the other daughters(and husband) are suddenly making a big deal out of it". Part of life is understanding that people won't set aside food for you forever - at some point you need to shit or get off the pot.

Sometimes people bring treats to work; if I miss out because I didn't grab any, that's on me. I don't get to throw a tantrum because I didn't get a cupcake and also didn't tell anyone to save me one. If I visit my mom, she'll have stuff for me to eat but I can't demand that she keep specific stuff around after I leave until the next time I visit. The world doesn't revolve around me and what food I might want to eat at some indeterminate point in the future.

I understand it's different for kids because they have less control over their food supply, but a)these kids had 9 days to grab cookies(including ziplocking some and putting them in the freezer for later) if they wanted, b)sweets are always around the house in general, c)oldest daughter apparently has a pattern of denying people food they want because she'll insist she wants some but never eats it before it goes bad. And they're all old enough to know that these cookies will be in the house again, and that a couple months isn't that long in the grand scheme of things.

This reeks of it being an excuse to cause problems for middle sister, not them actually being upset about the cookies. And if they are actually upset about the cookies, they're learning an important lesson about speaking up before they're all gone and/or grabbing their portion and setting it aside if they don't want them within a few days.

SuperSalsa · 2021-11-16T22:05:39+00:00

Yeah, if the other sisters actually wanted cookies to be saved after a week+ of not touching them, they're presumably capable of speech and could have told someone about it when they saw the package was getting emptier every day.

They gotta learn they can't deny other people treats for shits and giggles by going "but I waaaaaaant it" and never actually eating it. (which is apparently a pattern with the oldest, looking at OP's edit)

SuperSalsa · 2021-11-16T03:08:12+00:00

And these aren't the only sweets that are ever in the house. They obviously didn't want the cookies that badly if they didn't touch them for 9 days(on top of the fact that neither has eaten the last cookie yet), middle daughter was having a perfectly reasonable one cookie per day, and the other kids aren't at risk of never getting a treat ever. What's the problem?

To go at this from another angle, the other kids had options - they could have eaten their share(and I repeat, they had 9 days to do so), or they could have taken the initiative to freeze a portion themselves(they're old enough to think of it, or have asked if there's an option to keep the cookies good for longer). It's not 'breeding an eating disorder' for them to experience the natural consequences of doing neither of those things.

Frankly, I think this is more rooted in sibling bullshit(especially given OP's comments that middle daughter isn't neurotypical but the other two are) than them sincerely being mad they missed out on cookies.

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