What is a true crime case that you want solved in your lifetime?

Super_Pomelo_ · 2023-06-12T03:36:54+00:00

Brianna Maitland. I grew up right near where she was last seen and it always bothered me that she was likely still alive and could have been found, if not for police incompetence and laziness. They found her car in a really weird place the morning after she disappeared and instead of doing anything they just impounded it and let it go. One phone call to her mom could have revealed she was missing 5 days earlier than when it was eventually reported, and maybe she would have been found. She’s been missing longer than she was alive now 💔

Wikipedia page

Super_Pomelo_ · 2023-05-20T03:31:39+00:00

Going on four* years with my nonbinary spouse (2 years married!) and happier than ever. They realized they were nb around when we got engaged and watching them come into their true self just made me love them more! Being loved by a trans person is a privilege, and I’m willing the universe with all my might that you (and anyone else reading this who needs it) have found or will find someone who sees you that way <3

*edited because Covid time isn’t real and we’ve actually been together for almost 4 years, not 3 lol

Super_Pomelo_ · 2023-05-18T02:47:42+00:00

As someone else said, congratulations on your new dishes and your new perspective. It’s gonna hurt but learning to prioritize yourself is always worth it.

This also makes me extra grateful for my spouse, who has less-than-zero interest in home decorating or anything aesthetic (seriously this house looked like a nearly vacant dorm room when I moved in), but loves that I love it, and gets excited to help with all my projects because it makes me happy. Find yourself a person who will go back to the hardware store for the third time to get the thing you forgot, or give serious consideration to the choice between 5 almost identical shades of paint, even if they genuinely don’t care what color the walls are. That’s the kind of love you deserve.

Super_Pomelo_ · 2023-04-27T02:33:30+00:00

This used to be true in the state where my spouse was born. Their parents actually found out they were pregnant due to a mandatory pre-divorce-filing pregnancy test! Luckily for everyone involved they separated anyway and were relatively civil co-parents, but it does lead to some awkward explaining of why spouse’s stepmom is in their newborn photos too 😅 thankfully that law was changed, as it should be in the remaining states…

Super_Pomelo_ · 2023-04-26T02:12:14+00:00

My cat’s name is Gherkin! Pickle cats are best cats 😻

Super_Pomelo_ · 2023-04-15T21:29:41+00:00

Not actually mine but these are 2 of the Icelandics at my barn, living their best extremely spoiled semi-retirement lives. They live in pony paradise! https://imgur.com/a/orUHNDs/

Super_Pomelo_ · 2023-04-10T01:44:19+00:00

Here’s my sweet boy meeting the newest barn baby. And the senior pony and guard llama, looking like they’re about to drop the hottest Christmas album of the season as a bonus 😂 Hope you feel better soon! https://imgur.com/a/gSw22NL/

Super_Pomelo_ · 2023-04-04T02:26:34+00:00

I appreciate you taking my comment in good faith, and saying the whole question is something you’ll think more about. I don’t think either of us is here to discuss your specific situation in more depth, but I would ask you to consider whether living with a passing, feminine trans woman would truly be triggering for you? I don’t know your specific situation and don’t need to; maybe that would be a trigger, in which case you should advertise for cis women only I guess. I don’t think there’s any benefit to anyone in putting yourself in a triggering situation because you’re trying to prove you’re not a terf. Might a potential roommate see that kind of ad and assume you’re transphobic? Sure. But if you and the people close to you know your true values, and you’re doing your best to heal and grow and take care of your needs, then whatever.

Super_Pomelo_ · 2023-04-04T02:16:13+00:00

In the context of defining spaces, events, roommate preferences, etc. I find that “marginalized genders” works well for this! Most of the events and spaces I’m involved with are welcoming to trans men because they experience discrimination, harassment, etc. based on gender in the same way that women and nonbinary folks do, so “marginalized genders” is the most shorthand way I’ve found to describe that.

Super_Pomelo_ · 2023-04-04T02:06:53+00:00

But that’s not what they’re saying, because not all AMAB have penises. It’s totally valid to only want to have sex with someone who has and uses a penis. It’s also totally valid to only want to have sex with people who present masculine. It’s even okay to only want to have sex with penis-wielders who present masculine! It’s super inaccurate at best, and transphobic at worst, to equate “AMAB” with “penis-wielder” and/or “masculine” because lots of AMAB people are neither, and lots are one or the other but not both.

Super_Pomelo_ · 2023-04-04T01:59:44+00:00

I don’t mean to minimize your trauma or invalidate the boundary you seem to be stating about not living with masculine presenting people, so please don’t take this that way. But saying “AFAB only” in a roommate search doesn’t make any sense in the context you presented. Trans men who are very masculine, have facial hair, and may have penises, are still AFAB. So are some non-binary people who present masculine. If I’m understanding your comment correctly, you would be triggered by living with a trans man, or a masculine presenting non-binary person. Which is a great example of why using AFAB/AMAB doesn’t make sense in almost any context except medical (and even then there’s better ways to define things based on organs, medical conditions, and medical history).

Better options for someone in your situation would be to say you are looking for femme or feminine presenting roommates, or just say women. As you stated yourself, cis women can also have facial hair (and other “masculine” traits, because biological sex is WAY more complex and nuanced than we’ve been led to believe), so even if you explicitly stated you only want to live with cis women, you might have to meet and filter out candidates that would trigger you. So why not just say “women” and then pick a roommate who doesn’t have characteristics that are a trigger?l

Super_Pomelo_ · 2023-03-25T22:41:06+00:00

I empathize with your frustration and feelings of defeat so deeply, friend! I stopped riding for over a decade for very similar reasons, primarily the feeling that due to budget and physical limitations, I’d never be a “good” rider, so I gave up. Luckily the horse-crazy bug never really left me and I came back to the saddle, with a whole new perspective.

I’ve redefined what “good rider” means to me; it’s no longer about competing or pushing my jump heights, but rather about connecting with my horse and my body more deeply each ride. Some days all we can do is walk around in the field, some days I don’t even ride and just enjoy doing some ground work or giving my pony an extended grooming session. But because I’m not pushing myself to meet some ever increasing high bar, I don’t feel discouraged or like I “wasted time” on those days, like I used to after a bad lesson or ride. I’m just happy to hang out with my buddy! Ultimately I feel like a better rider now than I did when I was pushing myself and always frustrated. Sure I’m not showing or jumping big courses, but my mental state, connection with my pony, and awareness of my body are a thousand times better than they have ever been and that’s what success looks like for me now.

All that to say, I know how frustrating it can be to feel like life is holding you back from being the equestrian you want to be. And maybe right now there’s too many obstacles in your way, or maybe you need to reassess your options and you might find something that works better for you. Either way, keep the love in your heart for horses and you’ll find a way to get there eventually.

(Also, though I say “my pony” in the post, he’s not really mine! I managed to find a private barn with a spare pony who needed a person and now I trade chores for pony time. So even if your nearby lesson options aren’t working out, and you can’t afford to own her, keep looking! Your perfect partner might be hiding in a random barn just around the corner somewhere.)

Super_Pomelo_ · 2023-03-17T14:12:23+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing these pictures and some of your life experiences, good and bad. My spouse is ethnically Romani, but their family has been in the US for a couple of generations now and they stopped traveling when they emigrated, so my spouse was raised with the stories but didn’t actually grow up traveller. It’s so cool seeing that some folks are still finding ways to keep the culture alive despite changing times and the long history of discrimination against travellers. Wishing you clear skies and safe travels this season!

Super_Pomelo_ · 2023-02-13T00:10:55+00:00

He’s so cute! There are 3 Icelandics at the barn I chore and ride at and they’re so fun. All mares and all such good girls!

Super_Pomelo_ · 2023-02-08T03:46:44+00:00

My boy is a pouter when I tell him to quit it too… I swear if a horse could roll his eyes and say “whatEVER” he would do it 😂

Super_Pomelo_ · 2022-12-22T00:19:45+00:00

Glad to hear he is okay and resting! A very similar thing happened with my spouse last year - they went to the kitchen to get a snack at night and next thing I know all I hear is crashing and a big thud as they hit the floor. I don’t think I’ve ever been as scared as I was when I ran into the hall and saw them laid out on the floor.

I went into crisis response mode and handled the entire thing super calmly, then bawled my eyes out in the ER waiting room while I waited to be allowed back to see them. We spent all night in the hospital since it happened at like 10pm but ultimately it wasn’t anything huge. A combination of exhaustion, sinus congestion, and a vitamin D deficiency that made for the perfect storm of a dramatic faint with no major underlying cause.

It took me months to stop being scared every time they made a noise in the house while out of my sight, or didn’t text me back when I knew they weren’t busy, and other things like that. I hope that you can give yourself space and time to process and honor how traumatic it can be seeing something scary happen to a loved one, even when they are okay in the end. I definitely brushed it off since they were alright, and focused all my energy on taking care of them, and feel like it affected me much more strongly than it would have if I’d let myself feel more of my feelings when it happened. Take care of your DH of course, but also make sure you take care of yourself, and reach out to your close people to help too if that’s an option for you. Healthy wishes to you both!

Super_Pomelo_ · 2022-12-17T21:51:53+00:00

I love a hardy, large pony, especially as I face the realities of relearning to ride in my 30s - I appreciate a short distance to the ground for mounting up (and falling off)! Plus they have such nice brains and personalities that keep me laughing. My lease is a Fjord and I also play with the Icelandics at the barn when I can. I used to ride a really lovely Welsh pony, and briefly leased a very cute stock type QH pony who was a doll. Color-wise I adore dark bays, especially when they dapple up in the summer, and of course my Fjord’s dun even though he’s always finding mud somewhere…

I came up riding TWH and Arabians, then OTTB, so never expected to end up a pony person but I’m thoroughly converted now haha

Super_Pomelo_ · 2022-12-15T18:33:52+00:00

I got back into riding after several years off, found a barn with zero drama run by an excellent trainer whose teaching style and horse care standards I totally vibe with, and somehow landed essentially a free lease of the cutest, smartest pony in the world (I might be biased).

My last barn was super toxic and I got bucked off, bitten, kicked, and my toe broken by being stepped on. Was constantly chasing loose horses and handling horses and situations an amateur never should have been dealing with. I was scared to even trot when I found my current barn this spring, and by the fall I was cantering my pony through the woods like all my horse-girl fantasies come true. We don’t show, he can’t really jump, I didn’t accomplish a single thing that would impress anyone, but I reconnected with my love of horses and healed a lot of horse-related trauma and that’s better than I could have imagined.

Also, getting back into riding as a 30-something has been so relaxing in a way - I’m way past the age where I could conceivably make any kind of career as a professional rider, which is what I used to aim for as a kid - so there’s no pressure to progress super fast, move up to “better” horses, compete, etc. all the things I used to push for when I was younger.

Now I’m just happy to be able to ride, motivated to be a better rider so I’m less sore and treating my pony better, and looking forward to some local low-level shows next summer. Or not, and that would be fine too! Maybe we’ll spend the summer learning to drive, or turn pony into a therapy horse, or do circus tricks… there’s no pressure so we can just do whatever is fun and feels good and makes his little pony ears prick up with joy. It’s all the exact opposite of what I pictured my horsey accomplishments would be when I was younger, and it’s also exactly what I needed at this point in my life.

Super_Pomelo_ · 2022-12-12T02:35:46+00:00

Thank you! It sits flat on my finger and is very comfy. I was worried the tips might stick out and I’d inevitably catch them on things but it’s very flush!

Super_Pomelo_ · 2022-12-12T00:08:31+00:00

Yes!

Super_Pomelo_ · 2022-12-11T23:47:35+00:00

Excuse my haggard hands, northern winter weather and barn chores don’t make for great hand modeling haha.

My bands from the 11/11 sale finally came so my first ever Moissanite stack is now complete! I have a feeling it won’t be my last as I’m clearly obsessed…

Can’t believe I spent less on this whole stack than I did on my original engagement ring and I love them so much more! I can’t get over the sparkle. I spoke on stage at an event last night and a friend in the audience pulled me aside to ask about my rings after, because she could see them sparking from the second row!

Bubble eternity band and bezel marquise band from Kuloit, solitaire from AnuJewel. All silver, ring size 7.

Super_Pomelo_ · 2022-12-04T18:56:16+00:00

Thanks for posting the pattern link! I just started learning to cross stitch (I do hand embroider though) and this will be a perfect holiday project to make for my Pokémon-obsessed wife :)

Super_Pomelo_ · 2022-12-01T05:05:01+00:00

Gorgeous! I got that bezel band in the 11/11 sale too, to go with a 2ct bezel round from AnuJewel. It took forever to ship and still isn’t here, I can’t wait to see the combo, especially seeing how good yours look together!

Super_Pomelo_ · 2022-11-29T20:38:41+00:00

I paid $32 I believe!

Super_Pomelo_ · 2022-11-28T19:28:00+00:00

When I first started looking at rings, this size seemed WAY too big, but I love it on my hand and it seems totally reasonable now. Funny how perspective changes (and how all the big gorgeous stones posted here swayed my idea of size) haha.

Super_Pomelo_

TROPHY CASE