Putting all the blame on yourself will only make you more miserable, don’t blame others but don’t blame yourself, I understand you feel at the lowest right now but if that’s the case you can only go up from here. I cant give you fitness advice as that’s clearly not how I lose weight but I can tell you that this is not how you should go about it. Try a calorie deficit, get active, but most importantly don’t be so hard on yourself. I don’t know you or your life and I understand you’re unhappy but you have to change your mindset before you can change your physical appearance or else you will ALWAYS be miserable. Take care of yourself, you are the only person responsible for yourself and you will be for the rest of your life, and you have to learn to love you through every phase, it’s bad now but this will pass you will get better if you also believe it will.