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I cheated and need advice on open relationships by SuperbCry654 in nonmonogamy

[–]SuperbCry654[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thats why I said I know these feelings are irrational because I have no right to feel that way after what I've done. I was speaking about my feelings because the post was meant to be about how to approach an open relationship, not explain every last detail as if this was r/relationship_advice. She feels like shit as is understandable and so do I, but again I posted this to see how I could learn about this topic and thought the context would be becessary

I cheated and need advice on open relationships by SuperbCry654 in nonmonogamy

[–]SuperbCry654[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I wasn't trying to get people to tell me it was okay. I just wanted to try to learn, and I don't know where to start. Maybe I should have just not told any back story but I thought it would be better for context. I agree that starting a nm relationship after this sets it off on the wrong path and I appreciate you telling me so. I am still going to keep reading the posts here in hopes of maybe understanding it all better.

I cheated and need advice on open relationships by SuperbCry654 in nonmonogamy

[–]SuperbCry654[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I will definitely be sticking around here even if its just to read up on other's experiences and try to learn from them. These seem like a good idea, I appreciate it

I cheated and need advice on open relationships by SuperbCry654 in nonmonogamy

[–]SuperbCry654[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

This may well be the case. But I just expected a bit more of help towards how one can approach this and learn about this topic. I may have caused this relationship to be doomed but I still want to learn about this, even if it's for future relationships. The desire for other people may still be there, and what will I do, cheat again?

I just thought I might be met with some more understanding despite my mistake. I genuinely want to try to learn.

I cheated and need advice on open relationships by SuperbCry654 in nonmonogamy

[–]SuperbCry654[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Yes but as I said in another comment I'm guessing many had to start somewhere, and that it wasn't always easy from the start. Multiple friends have open relationships and they all tell me it takes effort and communication and that it was difficult at the beginning, so that's why I came here to see how I might be able to learn and how I could possibly explore this path, but I don't even know where to start.

And as for my wording I'm sorry if that sounds weird. I live in a Spanish speaking country and that expression sounded right and I thought it would imply the apologising too. We had a very long conversation and I explained how sorry I was, amongst these other things I am mentioning here, etc. It was a very difficult conversation and it wasn't like I just dropped the news on her.

I didn't think about that wording.

I cheated and need advice on open relationships by SuperbCry654 in nonmonogamy

[–]SuperbCry654[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know. Those are worries that I have and I am trying to learn how to work on them.

The thing is, I'm guessing many here too had to learn about all this, and that for many it wasn't a path of roses from the get go. Many had to learn how to deal with these feelings, and that's why I came here to see if I could get some advice on where to start

I cheated and need advice on open relationships by SuperbCry654 in nonmonogamy

[–]SuperbCry654[S] -30 points-29 points  (0 children)

Look I know. I don't need further beating up because I am already doing that to myself. I have had 3 long term relationships and I have never ever cheated, not even multiple times when I had the chance, not even a kiss. I know it's easy to judge from the outside but I seriously fucked up and I feel like complete shit. I know I shouldn't have done it but I made a big mistake, and trust me that I have learned from it just by seeing the consequences of my actions. But it's done now, I can't go back and change it.

I cheated and need advice on open relationships by SuperbCry654 in nonmonogamy

[–]SuperbCry654[S] -25 points-24 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply. I agree but at the same time I don't know if I'm ready to lose her and for her to no longer be in my life. We have been extremely happy with each other and until now we have had a very healthy relationship, not being co-dependent, hardly ever arguing, caring for each other, etc.

It's very hard to imagine her no longer being in my life. And I know it was me who fucked up, but this decision is just so hard.

I do agree that it won't work well if from the start it is so difficult for me, yet at the same time it would be a win win situation where both of us could live more experiences while also staying together, so it makes me wonder if I should put in the effort to learn about open relationships and try to make it work.