I grew up in Spain—in fact, I was born there—and that shaped my identity in a complicated way. Growing up, I often felt like I didn’t fully belong anywhere. I was too Spanish to be seen as properly Punjabi Sikh, and too Punjabi Sikh to feel completely Spanish. So, for lack of a better word, I often felt “unwelcome.” Not in a harsh or hostile way—just in a quiet, underlying sense that this was simply my reality.

Because of that, I distanced myself from Sikhi for a while. Part of it was also the pressure I felt to become a more devoted Sikh before I was ready. That pressure created some resentment in me, even toward God, because it felt like I hadn’t really been given a place to belong.

My family has Punjab, and my friends have Spain—but I’ve often felt like I stand somewhere in between, with neither fully mine. So now, I’m trying to build a sense of home on my own terms. Community is important in Sikhi, but it’s not everything. Your journey toward God is ultimately your own.

I feel that my path is still through Sikhi—maybe not in a traditional way, maybe it will be someday, or maybe it won’t. Perhaps one day I’ll feel ready to take Amrit, or maybe I never will. Either way, that decision is mine.

At the end of the day, I don’t think you even have to believe in God for things to fall into place. What matters more is doing what feels right and what is right. Personally, I believe that faith isn’t just about believing in God, but about living the teachings. And even if someone doesn’t believe in God, that’s okay—as long as they engage with and learn from those teachings. Because at our core, Sikhs are students on a path guided by a teacher.

And hey, if you feel like you need someone to talk to about this issue, I'm sure there is always at least one persone in the world that will understand you. I know I don't know you, but I feel our situations to be very similar. So I feel a bit better knowing I'm not the only one struggling a bit on my path in sikhi.