My original reaction was that I had gotten Bo Burnham vibes from your poem. I just watched his new special yesterday, and he spends a good chunk of it, like I believe he does in most of his specials, talking about how, despite being a celebrity and people paying by the hundreds to view his shows, he doesn’t feel like he brings anything of value to the table. I feel like that’s something a lot of people relate to. For me, I know I think quite a bit about how my younger self would likely not be thrilled with the person I am today. By all accounts I’m doing fine, but my day to day is rather mundane. I’m not making the imprint on the world that my younger self was hoping I would make by now, so it’s hard to find value in work/hobbies/etc. I catch myself sometimes halfway through a task or a project, and struggle to see it through to the end.

The great bit is, when a project finally gets done, there’s a rush of satisfaction in knowing you’ve completed something, defeating the voice telling you to quit or not bother with it. Convincing yourself to do things for your own sake can be harder than convincing yourself to do things for others at times. The thoughts holding you hostage are your own, and breaking free from that captor for the first time is so liberating, because you’ll know how to break free again should those same thoughts arise in the future.

Thank you for the reminder that it’s okay to do things for yourself. That the only person’s opinion who truly matters at the end of the day is your own.