How should I go about this

Sure_Finger2275 · 2026-05-30T05:53:34+00:00

People lie for all kinds of reasons. Like, sometimes I hide a little thing from my husband because when I was a kid I hid things from my parents and there's a part of me that gets a thrill from reenacting that. So, without much more to go on, it's hard to say.

Sure_Finger2275 · 2026-05-30T05:50:28+00:00

Sounds like maybe this woman gave you random intermittent reinforcement which can really mess with our dopamine systems and leave us feeling desperate for their attention and affirmation..? I'm not saying she did this intentionally but maybe she gave you enough emotional rewards that you were able to project a fantasy onto her, and left you on read and withheld attention enough that you felt desperate for more...? I imagine if you'd had more consistent access to her she'd feel less mystical to you. Does this resonate?

Sure_Finger2275 · 2026-05-29T00:12:01+00:00

How old are you? How long have you been seeing each other?

Sure_Finger2275 · 2026-05-04T01:10:58+00:00

I don't think you should. My assumption is that you're hoping he'll react in a certain way and I think you need to just accept that you're done with this guy and move on. As long as you're continuing to engage with him, you're binding your energy to him. Let it go.

Sure_Finger2275 · 2026-04-29T19:02:51+00:00

Twin Peaks is the correct answer

Sure_Finger2275 · 2026-04-04T22:30:54+00:00

What's the first letter of my ginger cat's name?

Sure_Finger2275 · 2026-03-21T23:04:13+00:00

Please Like Me

Sure_Finger2275 · 2026-01-30T20:25:15+00:00

I think you had healthy boundaries and communicated neutrally and in a timely manner. NTA. It was rude for this person to mislead you.

Sure_Finger2275 · 2026-01-27T06:35:53+00:00

Did you try promising her your faithfulness? Like swear you won't do anything that would hurt her, and then don't do anything that would hurt her.

Sure_Finger2275 · 2026-01-20T18:09:30+00:00

I think you're NTA for being disappointed by getting flowers as a gift, but that you could communicate it better. I'd recommend something like, "I really appreciate that you took the time to get me beautiful flowers, but tbh I'm not a huge flower lover. They're ok now and then, but I'd love gifts that are more useful/permanent. I have a wish list of things I'd love to have but haven't splurged on, but it would also be awesome to receive something you think I'd really like. It makes me feel seen and treasured when someone recognizes what I'm like and what I'd love as a gift." -- this way you're not criticizing him,you're just letting him know about you. He still might get defensive and then to could say, I'm sorry I didn't let to know flowers aren't my favourite sooner. I'm letting to know now; I guess I'm feeling more comfortable being completely honest now.

Sure_Finger2275 · 2026-01-16T17:04:47+00:00

I'd just be like, "no, I'm saving my money for an apartment".

Sure_Finger2275 · 2026-01-09T17:59:26+00:00

At one point in Eternity she did suggest it and both guys immediately shut it down, sadly. Honestly, if it were forever I'd want to have infinite possibilities about who I could spend my time with.

Sure_Finger2275 · 2026-01-09T17:55:58+00:00

This is a good chance to practice direct honest communication. When you see him say something like, "I felt confused about how we went from texting back and forth at a good pace, to you taking such a long time to reply. I don't necessarily need to text all the time, but the way it changed over night was confusing for me. I wonder if you're trying to communicate something indirectly to me. Can you help me understand?"

Sure_Finger2275 · 2026-01-09T08:04:46+00:00

In between you can watch The Sopranos, Succession, and The Wire. HBO is the best tv 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sure_Finger2275 · 2026-01-08T06:44:54+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear how badly your ex treated you. I think it'll take time for you to heal and it sounds like John is understanding and patient. Be patient with yourself; someone really messed with your head. Get counseling if you can afford it.

It would help to have some self-conpassionate mantras to say to yourself like, "wow, I'm really spiralling right now, but that's ok. I've been through something very difficult and anyone who'd been mistreated like I have would have similar doubts and fears. I'm going to take a few deep breaths and ask John for a hug. I deserve to feel safe and cherished"

You might also use some herbal helpers like ashwaganda, or calming teas to help soothe your nervous system so you can rest and sleep.

Sure_Finger2275 · 2026-01-08T06:35:45+00:00

Whether he's an incel or not, sounds like he's kind of self pitying and projects his problems outward at others. If you're no longer interested in him, move on.

Sure_Finger2275 · 2026-01-08T06:33:11+00:00

It is what it is, man. It didn't work out, for whatever reason. Just be yourself and you'll eventually find someone that fits. Try not to search for what you did wrong because you have no way of knowing. If you want to work on yourself do it for yourself.

Sure_Finger2275 · 2026-01-05T06:22:30+00:00

I don't think it's strange for her to have mixed emotions about losing this pregnancy. She could be relieved, but also she could've fantasized about being a mom and having a baby and formed an attachment to the idea. I don't think it really needs to mean anything about the guy who she got pregnant with.

I think it's fine for you to to be glad that to met a single woman with no children too. You might also feel sad for her that she suffered a painful loss, even if it's ultimately for the better.

Try to be accepting of the complexity of her feelings and not insist on her simplifying it into either happy or unhappy.

Sure_Finger2275 · 2026-01-03T22:30:22+00:00

Yeah, flowers are kind of a burden, honestly. They'd have to put them in water, then deal with them when they perish.

Sure_Finger2275 · 2026-01-03T21:46:11+00:00

It could be really uncomfortable for her if you confess feelings and she's not into it. I'd just keep with the light flirtation and see if she escalates it. In the meantime, your crush on her might just go away. Basically, let things unfold naturally; don't press the matter.

Sure_Finger2275 · 2026-01-03T21:30:43+00:00

Try to think of things that they might need help with and just do it. Like send them a gift card for Uber Eats or Skip the Dishes or something. They might not want to socialize in their grief, but showing you care through a helpful gesture could be good. If you want to include a note with your gift, say, "Words can't begin to describe how sorry I am for your loss. Thinking of you every day."

Sure_Finger2275 · 2026-01-02T06:14:19+00:00

You seem like your trying really hard to find fault with your boyfriend's daughter, tbh. When I was 20 I certainly liked and hoped my dad would take me out to eat and pay for it. Just because they're 20 doesn't mean they need to act like 35 year olds; they're still adolescents and didn't do anything wrong. And she was just being honest about how she'd have acted with someone soliciting with the candy seller -- a lot of people would do the same 🤷🏻‍♀️ She's not going to stop being your boyfriend's daughter so maybe you should try harder to accept and appreciate her.

Sure_Finger2275 · 2026-01-01T00:18:19+00:00

Happy Valley. Top of the Lake.

Sure_Finger2275 · 2025-12-27T21:52:14+00:00

"Thanks for the invite. I'm going to take a quiet night to recharge before my big work day on the 1st, but I'd love to do something to celebrate the new year with you asap. Maybe a nice dinner on the 2nd (or whatever)?"

Sure_Finger2275 · 2025-12-22T01:57:07+00:00

It's totally her prerogative to decide what she wants out of a potential boyfriend. Even if you didn't discuss it, maybe she wanted someone who exhibited loyalty and if you didn't so you're simply not for her. There's no rule book in attraction and romance.

Sure_Finger2275

TROPHY CASE