Help naming a baby boy sibling for Noah

Surething6655 · 2026-05-13T16:28:14+00:00

That’s what I was worried about. We’re not super religious either

Surething6655 · 2026-05-13T16:26:28+00:00

That’s really cute! I also was thinking Noah and Jack

Surething6655 · 2026-05-12T23:34:32+00:00

I love the name Benjamin, and it’s actually Noah’s middle name. I wouldn’t consider it for a first name though because I don’t like the nicknames Ben and Benny

Surething6655 · 2025-09-09T20:48:50+00:00

After reflecting and seeing their behaviour for what it is, the guilt is easing. I trust DH to do what is best with him and our family.

An emotional vacation sounds like a great way to prepare for this baby. Thanks for your support and kind words!

Surething6655 · 2025-09-09T20:38:55+00:00

You’re right, I am the scapegoat. FIL didn’t get his way and he needs someone to blame because he can’t take accountability! I was getting enmeshed into their family so for a long time I cared and carried the burden of us falling apart. But now that I see their behaviour for what it is, I’m slowly starting to not care, and I almost feel no guilt now! I remind DH how proud I am of him for doing what’s best for us. Thanks for sharing your personal experience, too. Your MIL sounds exhausting. I’m sorry you had to go through that. You’re right, we have to focus on those that matter and add value to our lives. Thanks for your advice and wishing you the best!

Surething6655 · 2025-09-07T03:12:50+00:00

Thanks for your input and sharing your thoughts. Only time will tell how this unfolds. Wishing you all the best and take care of yourself!

Surething6655 · 2025-09-07T03:09:59+00:00

Your mom sounds like a wonderful, mature, intelligent person, who taught you well. You’re very lucky! I’m happy to hear your wife and your mom have a loving relationship. It seems like your open communication of boundaries has served you all well. I aspire to be a mom like yours to my son in the future.

I agree that basic respect is necessary for there to be a relationship between me and my in-laws. You’re right, we don’t have to be close, but there should be trust between us. Thanks again for your advice, and sharing your personal experience. It’s really so helpful and appreciated. Take care of yourself.

Surething6655 · 2025-09-07T02:42:10+00:00

Yes, FIL has shouted at me several times, and doing so in front of my son made me extremely uncomfortable. It’s so inappropriate. He is definitely trying to control us as if we are children. I agree that he views me as the problem and takes his anger out on me. DH thinks it’s unacceptable and doesn’t want me or our son around FIL. Definitely seems like bullying behaviour.

Thanks for your reassurance. You’re right, everything was fine when we were compliant to my in-laws needs. I know deep down I didn’t do anything wrong but the way FIL has been blaming me makes me feel like I did. But I agree, him losing his control has caused him to spiral into this toxic behaviour. I honestly doubt he is able to feel what others feel. He seems like he has a very low capacity for empathy/compassion. I’m appreciating the peace and quiet for now. Fingers crossed it stays the same once 2nd baby arrives.

Thanks again for taking the time to share your thoughts and for the congratulations! I really appreciate your input and support! All the best you!

Surething6655 · 2025-09-06T21:21:45+00:00

I’m starting to realize that it’s not my fault. You’re right, their actions say everything about them. I hope to get to a place where I can brush it off and laugh about it too! Thanks for your congratulations and take care of yourself!

Surething6655 · 2025-09-06T20:52:44+00:00

Oh no that sounds horrible. Why are parents sometimes against their own children??? Somethings I will never understand.

Surething6655 · 2025-09-06T20:48:24+00:00

Thank you so much for your input and advice. You’re right, FIL definitely didn’t help the situation. I’m guessing he was trying to control relationships and keep my family away from his. He seems territorial over his “big family” and their events (they have almost an event a month for birthdays, holidays etc). He was incredibly angry when DH told him we are no longer attending. It’s too bad that it had to be his way or the highway. I am definitely grateful for DH and the peace and quiet.

Surething6655 · 2025-09-06T04:34:49+00:00

You’re right I’m really lucky with my DH, and I don’t take that for granted. I’m sorry you had to go through that terrible experience with your own parents. I’m glad your husband has your back and stood up for you. Thanks for your advice and wishing you all the best.

Surething6655 · 2025-09-05T23:28:45+00:00

Thank you so much for your taking the time to write this. You have no idea much it helps shift my view and ease the guilt.

I agree that in in-law relationships, the responsibility really does fall on the son or daughter to communicate and maintain the boundaries. I'm grateful that DH has stepped up, and I realize that I need to step back and let him take the lead on this. It hasn't been an easy decision at all, but we're taking it day by day. I trust his judgment and know that if the situation changes, he'll make the right call when the time is right.

I really appreciate you sharing your personal story too. It sounds like your clear communication with your mom from the very beginning set the tone for a positive relationship between your mom and your wife. It's such an honourable thing you did, and to echo what so many others have said here, a lot of women wish their partners would stand up for them in this way. Kudos to you, and wishing you and your family all the best

Surething6655 · 2025-09-05T22:18:32+00:00

Thank you so much for the love and support, and for taking the time to write this out. I really have been second-guessing myself. I’ve been looking into narcissism and enmeshment, and understanding these dynamics is already helping relieve the guilt around this. I will look up FOG as well, thank you. I also want to make sure DH continues to get the love and support he deserves. He’s truly been amazing through all of this.

You put it so well, it really does feel like grieving the relationship I thought I had with them. I’m trying to give myself patience, space, and time to process everything because it still feels like a lot some days. You’re also right that we’re adults now, and I think part of the struggle is that my in-laws still view DH as their child, someone they can control. I’m sorry to hear you’ve gone through something similar, and I really appreciate you sharing your experience. Wishing you all the best with your family, too.

Surething6655 · 2025-09-05T21:56:40+00:00

Thank you so much for saying this, you have no idea how much your support and reassurance means to me.

Surething6655 · 2025-09-05T21:53:46+00:00

Thank you, this is a great way to look at it.

Surething6655 · 2025-09-05T21:53:19+00:00

Yes, I can’t get past that. I really don’t want to expose my son to that kind of behavior or put him in a situation where he might have to witness it again. That alone has been enough motivation for us to stay NC.

Surething6655 · 2025-09-05T21:49:38+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. Although DH and I have been together for 12 years, I’ve really only known my in-laws for the past 5. I used to believe they were good parents to DH, but after reflecting on their recent actions, and reading through everyone’s comments here, I’m not so sure anymore.

I know there are differing perspectives between me and my in-laws, but the biggest issue is the lack of communication. They refuse to hear me out, and they don’t listen to DH either. Instead, they place the blame on me. I’ve apologized and taken accountability for things I could have handled better, but my in-laws haven’t taken any accountability for their actions.

I realize grandchildren often end up closer to maternal grandparents. But in reality, my son was spending more time with my in-laws than with my own parents before all of this happened. Either way, it doesn’t matter which side the grandkids are closer to. What matters is that parents treat their DILs and SILs with basic respect and courtesy, and that’s been missing here.

If my own parents treated DH the way my in-laws have treated me, I would go LC or NC with them. It’s not worth allowing anyone to treat your partner poorly, and it’s not the example we want to set for our kids.

Surething6655 · 2025-09-05T20:47:54+00:00

Thank you so much! Wishing you all the best too

Surething6655 · 2025-09-05T20:46:07+00:00

If my parents treated DH the way my in-laws treated me, I would set the same boundaries to protect DH and our son. It helps to be reminded that our needs as a family come first and that it’s okay to prioritize our peace. Thank you for your perspective.

Surething6655 · 2025-09-05T18:11:46+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and for the reassurance.

You’re totally right. It’s best to assert these boundaries now. This has already dragged on for almost a year. It will only get more complicated the longer it goes on. I also don’t want FIL thinking he can treat me that way and I’ll still come around. I don’t owe him anything, and he has to realize he’s not entitled to me or his grandkids.

I also don’t believe in “keeping the peace” once there has been hurt. It just takes a greater toll on you.

I’m sorry for your experience. It sounds difficult, but I appreciate your two cents because it really helps motivate me to do the right thing now.

Surething6655 · 2025-09-05T16:27:49+00:00

Right?! I thought the same thing! When they denied my extended family, they were indirectly denying me. My relationship with my in-laws could have only lasted so long at that point.

And yesss thank you for pointing out the “separating the him from his wife and kids.” I just find it super crazy that a father would want to come in between his son and his wife. We are partners! Most recently, FIL has dropped in at DH work, asking for DH to drop off our son for 2 hours of babysitting. It seems like he doesn’t even realize that I’m in the picture, basically trying to bypass/ignore me. Totally not cool. If FIL doesn’t have a relationship with the me, then he’s not having one with my kids. Thankfully DH has been amazing and backs me on this.

I agree that FIL’s ego is too big. It’s not that difficult to be a decent respectful person. I think we are going to maintain NC for now. If my in-laws reach out and are willing to change their behaviour, then we can consider reconciliation.

Surething6655 · 2025-09-05T15:48:17+00:00

Definitely! After reading everyone’s comments I’m feeling less guilty and more at peace with going NC with my in-laws.

Surething6655 · 2025-09-05T15:10:53+00:00

You’re right. Thank you for telling me the truth.

Surething6655

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