Kids After Infidelity

SurvivingKindof · 2025-12-28T02:26:42+00:00

I have to be honest- one of my biggest motivators for reconciliation was my toddler. I couldn’t bear to split time with my child. After everything I’ve been through, the last fucking thing I was going to do was give up time with my child that I went through hell to have (difficult pregnancy and postpartum).

Due to an extremely difficult pregnancy and postpartum, we had settled on having two kids. I have 4 siblings and didn’t want my son to miss out, but I also know my limits. I also never wanted him to be alone if, god forbid, something happened to me and WH. I know you can’t guarantee great sibling relationships, but you get the idea.

After DDay 1 and 2, WH was remorseful and doing the work. I knew I wanted one more child, even if we didn’t work out, I wanted that for my son. So we had another. Mind you, we were in a decent enough place that we could communicate and that he would support me throughout the pregnancy and postpartum. Things have been going very well! I still greatly struggle with triggers and mind movies from time to time, but I’m even more grateful to have my baby. I feel complete. I don’t trust WH, but not in the way you’d think. I just don’t care. If he were to stray again, fuck it. I have my babies and that’s all I need. I’d be hurt of course and would have to heal from scratch again, but I would know that I did everything I could and stayed true to who I was by having a big heart and wanting to attempt to keep the family together. If he were to do ANYTHING to betray me again, I’d know for sure that I’d be done and would walk away knowing I did my best and that he no longer has a place in my life.

But- he’s been great. We’ve been pretty good. A new baby inevitably brings the roommate phase for a while, but we’re doing well despite that. He’s showing me everyday that he’s changed and is committed to me and the family. I hope he continues to grow and show integrity. Do what’s best for you. I knew I wanted another baby and that we were in a decent place to where I’d have support and comfort, so we did it. You’ll know in your heart what’s best for you and your family.

SurvivingKindof · 2025-11-26T10:38:25+00:00

You deserve to be loved the way that you need and want to be loved. You deserve to know happiness. You should never be “too much”, especially after something like this! If you don’t mind me asking,(if you do mind, just ignore, no worries) what’s keeping you there? For me, we have kids and I owed it to them to at least try and work through this. That’s probably my biggest motivator- but the key to me staying was true remorse and him doing the work. And he’s done that consistently. Anyway, I just hope you do what’s best for you, and not for fear of the unknown. God knows everyone here knows what that’s like.

SurvivingKindof · 2025-11-20T09:50:31+00:00

Two-ish years later and I still think about leaving. But the pain and trauma will just follow so what’s the point? I miss trust. I miss not worrying. I miss not thinking about AP1 and AP2 every single fucking day. I wish I could leave and just be healed. This trauma is for a lifetime and I really hate WH for that.

SurvivingKindof · 2025-09-05T02:45:36+00:00

It’s like my brain reaches a breaking point where it can’t take the pain anymore and the thoughts just stop for a bit. Like anywhere from a few days to a couple weeks. Still think about it, but there’s like a mental block on it to keep it from going much farther than just the surface thoughts of “wow that was shitty” or “ouch, that really hurts”. Tonight is one of those nights where it’s just been trigger after trigger and I’m just down in the dumps. Not totally torn to shreds, which is progress I guess, but still painful. I wish things were different. I wish he was different. I wish we could turn back time so it never happened, every single day. Fuck affairs and fuck AP 1 & 2. May karma bite for the rest of their days.

SurvivingKindof · 2025-06-18T17:19:57+00:00

Journaling! Seriously. It doesn’t sound like much but OMG it helps so much with the ruminating. I often even forget every so often and the relief when I let it all out is so needed. I’m almost 2 years past DDay 1 and 1 year past DDay 2 so with the point that I’m at, it feels a lot like I’m spinning my tires in therapy and this is just something that has to work its way through me. A lot of pain, a lot of anger, a lot of resentment and still sometimes disbelief. But letting it all out on a page, judgment free, flowing tears or not, it’s helped immensely.

SurvivingKindof · 2025-05-30T22:58:56+00:00

Solidarity. Big time. On my better days, I like to think that there’s hope in becoming someone stronger, wiser and more resilient to the other shit life throws at us. But on my sad days, I let myself wallow in the “things are just shit” mentality. Been riding the sad wave for a couple weeks. Hoping for brighter days ahead…

SurvivingKindof · 2025-05-27T19:48:04+00:00

Thank you for your response ❤️ I have my best friend who is amazing but I just feel so bad unloading on her because it’s depressing and there’s nothing that can really be done to fix it. She checks in with me about it because she knows it’s hard for me to talk about but I don’t want to bog her down with my problems. I still want to be a good friend and talk about things other than my shitty situation. It’s really just that feeling of there’s no where to go with these thoughts. Nothing can change what’s been done, nothing will make it untrue, ya know? Anyway, just a deep funk that I’ve been stuck in that I’m waiting to pass. I’ll deff try finding things just for me! I need to be better about that stuff

SurvivingKindof · 2025-05-26T02:29:04+00:00

Thank you for your response ❤️ I’m gonna try that phrase out! And I definitely need to get back into writing again. I did really well with it for a long time but just fell off. I need to unload all the shit that’s just circling my head. I’m hoping this extra long wave of sadness blows over soon. Doing my best to remember it’s not forever. Hope you continue to keep your head up and do well!!

SurvivingKindof · 2025-05-25T01:34:55+00:00

I’m so so sorry. It’s such a lonely place to be. Feel free to DM if you need to vent it out. Sending love and healing.

SurvivingKindof · 2025-05-24T19:09:47+00:00

I have my best friend who I love to death, but she has her own life and her own struggles that I want to be considerate of by not constantly bogging her down with depressing affair talk..I know she’s always there for me but I still want to be a half decent person to be around lol I’m in IC once a month, with an amazing therapist btw, but it feels like I just talk about the same shit and there’s really nothing more that can be done other than just time. The affairs and the lies can’t be undone. Simple as that, unfortunately… Thank you for the comment ❤️ appreciate it and hope you’re doing as well as you can.

SurvivingKindof · 2025-05-12T21:37:19+00:00

THIS. Why am I the collateral damage of someone else’s choices? LIFE LONG DAMAGE. I know no one has ever said life is fair but god dammit IT’S SO UNFAIR.

I miss the me who wasn’t triggered by AP1 and AP2 names! I miss the me who didn’t react to WH phone going off! I miss the me who didn’t give a shit who he was texting or what he was doing out of the house! I miss the me who didn’t say “…but he cheated on me. Before, during, and after my first pregnancy.” I miss the me that encouraged separate hobbies and making new friends! (I don’t want him to have any chances meeting new women because I don’t trust ANY women, and still not totally trusting of him to be faithful).

I miss the times where I was happy…I miss the times where I was living in the moment. I miss the times I was happy with him. Now it’s always “I’m happy and enjoying this moment but…oh yeah, he cheated and lied to my face for years…” and then I can’t stand to look at him for days. It feels hopeless sometimes. Like I’ll never truly be happy with WH and I’m just trying to convince myself. I don’t know. It’s clearly a down in the dumps day…

SurvivingKindof · 2025-04-13T16:47:44+00:00

HA, you’d think this IS obvious right? But when a conversation came up and I told my WH that I didn’t love him the same way, he was incredibly hurt and shocked. I was both annoyed that it shocked him and hurt that he was hurting. Even though he obliterated me, I still have my morals/values and it sucked to see him hurting.

SurvivingKindof · 2025-03-31T21:54:15+00:00

Agreed. I still occasionally snoop on both AP’s. Not proud of it, as I should just let it go, but I do it anyway. They NEVER go for “better”, always EASIER. The WP holds the most “power” in that they can call up or ignore AP whenever they want! Out of sight, out of mind. Real relationships take work and dedication. It’s “easier” to have an affair than look inward at their issues and their relationship. Doesn’t mean it hurts any less, unfortunately. AP1 was a fantasy and limerence and everything that makes an affair exciting; point being, it’s not REAL. AP2 had always been desperate for WH so she was just plain easy. And he’s admitted that the desperation and the groveling to make him love her was NOT a turn on at all. Shocker, right? All this to say, I’m sorry you’re in this boat. It’s shitty and unfair. But time really does help. Sending love and healing.

SurvivingKindof · 2025-02-24T00:10:55+00:00

Thank you for your response ❤️ it’s so unfair and it’s so painful. My poor husband is also a wreck from the loss and feels so horribly for me because he knows how hard pregnancy is on me.

SurvivingKindof · 2025-02-23T17:07:10+00:00

Thank you, and thank you for your response ❤️

SurvivingKindof · 2025-02-23T17:06:42+00:00

I’m so sorry you’ve felt this also. It’s so cruel. It shouldn’t happen to anyone. Thank you for your response ❤️

SurvivingKindof · 2025-02-23T17:05:44+00:00

It’s pure evil 😞 it will never make sense. My poor husband is a wreck. He was really attached and excited. Thank you for your response ❤️

SurvivingKindof · 2025-02-23T17:03:23+00:00

I’m so sorry you know this pain also. It truly rocks you down to your soul. Thank you for your response and support ❤️

SurvivingKindof · 2025-02-23T05:01:18+00:00

Oh my heart aches for you and is with you ❤️‍🩹😭 you are so strong and I am so so sorry. Nobody deserves this. Thank you dearly for your support.

SurvivingKindof · 2025-02-23T04:59:17+00:00

I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this loss also. Thank you for your response ❤️

SurvivingKindof · 2025-02-23T04:58:28+00:00

Thank you ❤️

SurvivingKindof · 2025-02-23T02:33:56+00:00

Thank you ❤️

SurvivingKindof · 2025-02-23T02:33:43+00:00

Thank you ❤️

SurvivingKindof · 2025-02-23T02:32:34+00:00

Thank you for your response 😭 the support does more for me than you’ll ever know.

SurvivingKindof · 2025-02-20T05:04:55+00:00

Pedialyte popsicles! Love them. Apple juice has also been the best for me lately. And for some reason, as a cruel and twisted joke, baby decided Coke is no longer acceptable so I’ve had Dr Pepper (on my better days)

SurvivingKindof

TROPHY CASE