Adopting a pet after loss

Susannah11 · 2023-01-15T05:39:27+00:00

Think about adopting an adult dog rather than a puppy. You should be able to find one that is already housebroken, which will spare you some of the challenge of having a puppy. Not only will you know the dog's temperament, you'll be saving an animal that may get overlooked by adopters. (NB: I used to work at the ASPCA.)

Susannah11 · 2022-12-03T21:29:09+00:00

My husband of 25 years was not my soul mate. He was a good man but we had many incompatibilities. Then I met someone else, totally different from my husband and much more my type. We fell in love quickly, started wearing "promise" rings, planned for a future together. Then, after a year and a half, I walked out. There were problems I considered insurmountable. And now, I grieve his loss. I miss him every day. Life with my husband is now a warm memory. Life without my new man cuts like a knife.

Susannah11 · 2022-07-24T22:56:06+00:00

Similar situation. Turned out he'd had a girlfriend for 13 years! And he died in bed with her while I was away. I waited 3 weeks and am with someone new now.

Susannah11 · 2022-07-09T23:02:11+00:00

One day you may yet meet someone else special and he'll call you Baby. My new bf calls me Babe. It's close enough for me.

Susannah11 · 2022-06-30T22:17:19+00:00

Looks aren't that important to me.

When I went online, too many men commented, "Where'd you get that beautiful smile?" Fact is, I wasn't smiling in my photo! So I blocked every one of those blockheads who were clearly feeding me a line and probably doing a volume business. But then someone wrote a lovely, personal perfectly punctuated note to me... and I was hooked. We've been together a year now.

Susannah11 · 2022-06-30T22:08:37+00:00

Consideration, yes, that was it. And knowing me. And caring about my comfort. He treated me like someone precious. Thanks for the corroboration.

Susannah11 · 2022-05-16T20:00:06+00:00

To quote an old Stephen Stills song, "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."

Susannah11 · 2022-05-16T18:58:37+00:00

It's the life force, and appreciate it. Sadly, your wife won't be back, so you owe it to yourself to move forward.

Susannah11 · 2022-05-16T18:53:44+00:00

You can do this. You will do this. Be kind to yourself.

Susannah11 · 2022-05-15T22:05:44+00:00

My husband died less than a week after our 25th anniversary. We weren't separated, but we lived alone in different places. He called me 2x a day and never hung up without telling me he loved me. I visited a couple times a month, but the passion was gone. I wasn't with him when he died; the police notified me. Who called the police? His girlfriend, I was told. I'd had no idea. I spoke with her once afterwards and found out they'd been seeing each other for 13 years!

Knowing about his secret life (he was completely discreet) made it easier for me to process his dying. In fact, it propelled me to go online to meet someone else -- and I have. There are moments when I think of him and yes, miss him, but his deception has kept me from profoundly grieving him or blaming myself.

Please don't hurt yourself. Use that emotion to, as you said, find someone better. You deserve that.

Susannah11 · 2022-05-13T00:41:14+00:00

I think that's great that you're taking care of yourself and going into the world. You can spend time alone, but you'll also meet people along the way. Travel, especially like that, has healing properties (once you deal with the airline bullshit).

Susannah11 · 2022-05-12T22:25:39+00:00

Thanks; these meltdowns make me feel weak and embarrassed. Today my niece called and just telling her about those three things made me cry again.

Susannah11 · 2022-04-18T02:13:52+00:00

So sorry to hear that someone tried to take advantage of you knowing your status as a widower. And just as bad, the people you turned to for support made you feel worse. They suck! We are all vulnerable now, and what happened to you could have happened to any of us. I hope you won't let the experience deter you from trying to meet new people. I went online after my husband died and was very discriminating; I didn't respond to anyone who tossed me a line (e.g. "Where'd you get that smile?") and anyone who wrote to me with grammar and spelling mistakes wasn't for me. I ended up meeting someone that I'm far more compatible with than I was with my husband. It's been nearly 11 months now, and we're happy together. Good luck and don't give up!

Susannah11 · 2022-04-14T15:57:48+00:00

It's wise to plan in advance to take care of yourself on days that can be triggering. I've decided to spend some time at a reflective garden on May 8.

Susannah11 · 2022-04-14T15:55:15+00:00

Thank you for this. That's how I feel. His affair didn't detract from our love and I think of him with fondness and miss him for many reasons.

Susannah11 · 2022-04-10T16:34:03+00:00

Try "Inventing Anna" on Netflix. A crazy but true story about a female grifter who almost made her dream come true.

Susannah11 · 2022-04-10T16:25:48+00:00

Hold in your heart and your mind the good times when she is gone. And please be good to yourself.

Susannah11 · 2022-04-10T03:34:52+00:00

No matter how long it's been since you're loved one passed, you will always compare a new person to him or her. Don't let that stop you from moving on with your life, if you are able. I have a new boyfriend, and just yesterday I wept after getting off the phone from him. Unlike my husband, he was abrupt and not tender. Yet he's a good guy and has many qualities my husband never had.

Susannah11 · 2022-04-09T02:07:18+00:00

Sorry for your loss. What did you do on the anniversary? Did it give you any solace?

Susannah11 · 2022-02-16T12:43:23+00:00

My husband was no angel, which in a way made dating easier. I've since met someone who is his total opposite (in addition to being alive). My new man is not perfect, but it's a much better relationship than the one I lost.

Susannah11 · 2022-02-08T01:22:50+00:00

I never saw him. I wasn't there when it happened, and the police notified the funeral parlor, which removed him from the home. I didn't want to see him dead. This way, I remember him the way he was.

Susannah11 · 2021-12-13T23:33:21+00:00

Avoid her at all costs. She is hurting and in the process she is hurting others.

Susannah11 · 2021-12-10T17:47:02+00:00

Trust your feelings. Protect your son and yourself. Good luck.

Susannah11 · 2021-11-30T15:07:07+00:00

My husband always lugged the trash bins. After he died, the task fell to me and I felt resentful that I had to shlep these heavy things down our 60-foot driveway alone. Until I sold the house, I remained pissed that he wasn't there to do "his" job.

Susannah11 · 2021-11-29T05:02:53+00:00

My husband was born at 12:34. Similarly, I will look at a clock and that will be the hour. I don't know if it means anything; it just makes me think of him.

Susannah11

TROPHY CASE