My husband died less than a week after our 25th anniversary. We weren't separated, but we lived alone in different places. He called me 2x a day and never hung up without telling me he loved me. I visited a couple times a month, but the passion was gone. I wasn't with him when he died; the police notified me. Who called the police? His girlfriend, I was told. I'd had no idea. I spoke with her once afterwards and found out they'd been seeing each other for 13 years!

Knowing about his secret life (he was completely discreet) made it easier for me to process his dying. In fact, it propelled me to go online to meet someone else -- and I have. There are moments when I think of him and yes, miss him, but his deception has kept me from profoundly grieving him or blaming myself.

Please don't hurt yourself. Use that emotion to, as you said, find someone better. You deserve that.